What to do?????

By lilly Monday, January 07, 2008

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Hi, I've never been on one of these before so please bear with me.

Let me start by saying that there is 15 years difference between my husband and me, I'm 38 and hes' 54.

My husband and I have been having trouble with erectile dysfunction for many years now.He's been going to a Urologist for a couple years also and nothing seems to be working. We've tried Cialis and Viagra, but the problem seems to be getting worse. It not getting any better,and our sex life is next to nil. I'm still very young, not that he's old but its a huge problem and getting worse by the day. I can't even imagine how ot must be for him!

Are there any suggestions on what to do?

I'm open for anything.

Comments (10) | Add comment

E. Grosgebauer

1/18/08 8:03pm

Suggest you try one of the vacuum devices. The Osbon works well and is much better than nothing. The rings do take time to get used to and the amount of tension to use takes some experimenting.

lilly

1/18/08 9:28pm

thank you for the suggestion, I'll look into it.

Vicki M

2/26/08 9:18pm

Hi Lilly,

I am sorry you and your husband have been experiencing this for a long time. You say your husband is seeing a urologist and has been for years. Has your husband been diagnosed for anything that would have caused his erectile dysfunction? You didn't say if you had tried any of the medicines available. Only your husband's doctor knows what is best and can advise. There are some great links for information here that will help you with the questions you need to ask when your husband sees his doctor.

There is a wonderful overview of erectile dysfunction, what it is and what it means when someone has difficulty. You can read that here.

You can also check symptoms. Your husband might be having symptoms that are related that he doesn't realize, or might be having problems that he believes are related that turn out not to be. You can look into the treatments database to see if there is a treatment that might help or something you might want to avoid. Here, he can take a confidential assessment to see if there are issues he should have looked at.

I hope you find something in this information that helps. Let us know how you and your husband are doing!

Vicki M

lilly

2/28/08 7:33pm

Hi Vicki

Thank you for all the information, I will definatly look up everything you sent.

My husband's has tried all the pills out there, to no avail. The Dr. put him on testosterone pills and that isn't working either.

This past week has been a real test for both of us. I'm not sure I can live the rest of our lives this way. I can handle anything that cames along, but I can't be the only one fighting for it.

He gets very quiet and withdrawn when we try to talk about it. I know that he has a lot of guilt and i can understand that also, but we have to try to came up with other ways to work around this.

Thanks again for writing me, sometimes it gets lonely and there seems no one to talk to.

Lilly

Vicki M

2/29/08 3:49pm

Hi Lilly,

I know this is frustrating, but there are ways to get around this if you are willing to think outside the box.

I don't necessarily want to put your private lives out on a public forum, but this dysfunction could be a sign of something far more important than just testosterone. Many people believe that testosterone is the "end all-be all" for sexual function, and while it is very important, it is not the only cause or cure for a man's inability to perform.

There are many factors and the fact you said that he's quiet and withdrawn would tell me he's also a little depressed and that could be part of the problem. Sometimes it's not the inability to perform that is the issue, but the perceived notion that there will be a lack of performance. Reassurance from you is important at this point, but so is looking at other options.

You are a woman with many many many means for orgasm that don't necessarily involve intercourse. Dr. Tepper has written an article called Sexual Healing that I think is a wonderful overview of sex and it's relationship to ED and orgasm. There is also a good overview here that talks about alternatives that you might want to explore.

This would be a good time for you and your husband to work through this with his doctor and between yourselves in a positive manner. If you would like to take this conversation offline, you can email me at Marie.Healthcentral@gmail.com. Good luck to you and your husband. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!

Vicki M

Amanda

3/ 7/08 12:25pm

Hi Lilly,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My boyfriend and I are having the very same issues and we are not even married yet. He has ED as well and has also tried oral medications without success. Besides that there are a few other options that a urologist can offer. One is the vacuum mentioned in an above post, their are injections, implants, and many other alternatives besides these that are less invasive.

Revisit the urologist and see what other alternatives he can offer. My boyfriend was also withdrawn because it is just such a heart wrenching condition for a couple to go through. I read several articles about wifes and support and many of them said more pressure to fix the problem only hurts. It creates more anxiety, more expectations. Also, running out to Victoria's Secret or becoming a sexaholic also adds pressure.

The only thing that seemed to draw my boyfriend out of it was to let him know that there was no pressure. I told him I loved him, gave him comfort and support. I told him we were in it together. For the time being, we are experimenting with other ways to please each other until we find our solution. And of course, the worst thing to do is stop communicating...if you don't talk about this, you won't talk about the other important things in your life either, which would also not be benefical for either one of you.

So, keep those lines of communication flowing, talk to the urologist again, and know that 18 million people have ED....you are not the only couple going through this. You are not alone.

Amanda

lilly

3/ 7/08 9:27pm

Amanda

thank you for the response. Sometimes we feel alone and are not sure what to do about it. It's not like you can just bring it up to any of your girlfriends!(no pun intended)

We started going to a counsellor and she seems to understand. The one good thing about us as a couple is we have a lot of love and respect for one another.

I'm sorry that you and your boyfriend have to go through this also. It's not easy, but talking sure helps.

We are looking into other means from the urologist and a lot seems to be mental. It takes a string man to admit that there is a problem sexually.

I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you again for your response.

Lilly

Vicki M

3/20/08 12:02am

Hi Amanda,

What wonderful advice!! Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your man is so important. Nothing is better than spending time with him in a no pressure situation. Just spending time laughing, touching, talking with no expectations of performance can be very satisfying.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing!

Vicki M

BeeBee

4/ 5/08 12:55am

Hi Lilly,

Im much older and have had a prostrate removal. While they seem difficult penile injections with a mix of PPP work very well. There is some work to be done to get the dose right but if you have a therapist they should be able to start your husband off and work towards optimum. Good luck

lilly

4/ 5/08 8:31am

Hi BeeBee

Thank you so much for your comment, its means so much to know that other poeple go through this as well ans have had success.(not that I would anypne to go through this)

My Husband and I are dealing with a little better now.

Lilly

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