Given up... Living with ED

Sex life?  What's that?  It takes a little getting used to... time is the great healer. But prepare for that. There are worse things in life.  Focus on other things... in my case, grandbaby and my teenagers.  And church service.

I have a very complicated sex life.  At 18 my second job was a **** projectionist... and private **** star (nowadays nothing is private with the internet!).  No dad to teach me about love... women... sex.  So I thought after watching the Devil and Miss Jones and Deep Throat 100s of times, that women were just *****... just sex objects to have fun with and on lucky week-ends the occasional party that turned into an orgy.  Never went with any woman for love... just sex and lust.  I considered my wives good f*!ks and nasty.  Piece of meat that I could share with my buddies.

So now on my 4th wife, I am impotent.  I have been to sex therapist.  And 2 Urologists... Irving Fishman down here is one of the best... and after Cavernoscopy, he says i have severe venous leakage.  Which means I am basically screwed.

My wife is impatient with me in bed... and rightly so.  I cannot even get a decent erection when she sucks my dick.  So she gets frustrated and quits.  Cannot masterbate except to the vilest ****...  Viagra works OK for me but she does not like it and says it is "artificial"  I have asked her if she wants a divorce... she says no... but has made a comment that "I am only 47 and still want sex" when I told her there was no more sex.

I need to be the bigger person and file for divorce so she can find a man... and so I will still have time to save for retirement.  But she does not want to leave... and I won't either... so I guess we are just stuck for now.  When our 15 year old is out maybe then...

From a practical standpoint, I wonder, should I get my prostate out now?  Prostate cancer is in my family.  PSA is only 1.4 but I have SEVERE BPH and takes me 3-5 minutes to urinate sometimes.  My uncle has it and it got into his pelvic bones.  He is in bad shape now.  He is 69... I am 49.