Monday, March 31, 2008
I am wanting to gain all of the knowledge that I can about ED. I want to speak with both females involved and males living with this to better understand how they cope.
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Missing the luv of my soul mate
4/ 7/08 4:00pm
I am a 23 y/o female and my partner is 21 with erectile dysfunction. We have been together for 9 months, living together for the past 3 months. Because of an injury he sustained while in the army he has difficulty getting an erection. I was not aware of his condition for the first 6 months of our relationship but now that we are living together, and only managing to have sex about once every two weeks, I am now painfully aware of how difficult it is going to be to live with this. He does not seem to be as concerned about it as I am due to his decrease in libido. He just doesn't need to have sex with me and this ofcourse is very painful for me. I am hurt, frustrated, angry. I do not know what to do about it. I can't help but feel rejected. I am trying to learn all I can about ED, something I have never encountered before and never thought I would, especially at such a young age. I know that he is physically incapable of getting an erection but knowing this does not help how I feel. I want to be close to my partner, and the lack of sex in our relationship drives us further apart. Or atleast it drives me further away from him. He does not seem as concerned as I am and I wish I knew how to communicate better with him about his ED. I am looking for support online with women who are going through the same thing. Please share with me your story and how you cope.
4/ 7/08 5:57pm
Shawna,
Although I am sure that you are frustrated, take a moment and step back and try to understand what he is feeling. I am almost certain that you have no idea what hurt and embarrassment that he is feeling. If you love him and plan to hang in there with him, why not try a nice dinner, and then proceed to laying in his arm and talk to him heart to heart about how you feel and how can you both work on it togather. Discuss a doctor's visit and any other ideas such as toys, oral sex, partner-to-partner masturbation; who knows, he might even be open to an open (Lifestyle) relationship. As long as he knows that you love him and do not plan to leave him, he is more apt to want to get as much help as possible. God luck to you. 
4/ 7/08 11:30pm
Thanks for the reply Missing Buddy. We have integrated toys and mutual masturbation on occasion but the problem is that his libido is low, so more often than not he is just not interested in doing anything sexual. An open relationship is something I have considered because in all honesty, I have cheated on him once and told him about it. He said if I ever felt like I might cheat again to please tell him so we could talk about it first. I'm not sure if this is his way of "allowing" me to seek other sexual partners. It is definetly something we have to talk about more before I would ever do that. Does anyone have any experience with an open relationship they might be willing to share with me? Thanks.
4/ 8/08 2:14pm
Hey again! We are in the lifesyle but we only do it when we are togather. I would not play without him because he is my security blanket and I would feel so unfaithful. At the same time, if he were there and not playing also, I think it would cause him major disappointment in not being able to enjoy also.
If tou love him, at least be honest and keep the lines of communication open. Keep in mind that if you cheated on him once, he may never trust you again. To me, it is not worth that risk. Once the trust is gone, you can never regain exactly what you had!
Good luck!
By Missing Buddy— Last Modified: 12/19/10, First Published: 03/31/08
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I am a 37 year old female and my partner is a 49 year old male, we have been in a relationship for 6 months now and I know he is the love of my life.
The problem is that he suffers with ED - he can get a very strong erection quite easily ( he is taking regular medication but not too sure what it is ) but then either just before or shortly after penetration he loses it completely.
I sometimes feel quite rejected by this and have gone from being quite confident sexually to feeling quite insecure, as if it is my fault almost, though he assures me that it isn't. He has had this problem for approx 5 years and we have had appointments at the hospital, and things have improved dramatically since I met him but still our sex life is very frustraing for both of us, I find it difficult to relax and enjoy other aspects of lovemaking because it is always in the back of my mind that it will happen again and I know he feels the same. In 6 months he has only managed to maintain his erection and ejaculate 3 times.
The whole situation has brought us very close together in lots of ways but I feel that we are almost giving up because we dont try to have sex as often as we used to, self preservation i think !!
If you could give any advise on how I can cope with this as the female in the relationship and how I can help him I would be very grateful as other than this our relationship is perfect in every way.