Several years ago my husband, an internist and pulmonologist, came home, kind of chuckling and shared with me that a number of wives of his older patients were truly upset because their husbands had heard that a miracle drug was now available to "give them back their sex lives." -Yahoo according to the men - a bummer according to the women who had found life just fine, without the demands of sex. In fact, they let my husband know, clearly and emphatically, that under no circumstances was he to use this drug - which by the way, was intended to treat hypertension and incidentally was found to "give guys back their mojo!!"
So what's a doctor to do? After all, the men were clamoring for this drug and if it was used properly it could really help guys experience a significant improvement in their sex lives; on the other hand, women were clearly content with the way things were going - love, companionship, fun - without the "burden of sex." Well - I guess we need to ask ourselves - why had it become a burden? So, from a female perspective I know that as we age - and bless Jamie Lee Curtis who can continue to extol the virtues of getting older - menopause - our female rebirth - but frankly, we lose levels of hormones that support sex drive and desire; we lose levels of hormones that help create vaginal lubrication that makes sex more comfortable; we believe our aging bodies are no longer desirable - need I go on, guys?? And then, to add insult to injury, all you guys seem to want is.....more sex!!!
So how do we handle this conundrum?? How do we bridge the Mars Venus disconnect that seems to exist, particularly in the aging population? And can we really expect guys to not want a pill that can gloriously reinstate their ability to enjoy sexual pleasure? After all, when erectile dysfunction specifically involves the inability of a man to maintain an erection, and a pill can alleviate that very challenging situation - isn't that a medical miracle of sorts??? Sure it is for the guys - but for us women - maybe not quite so miraculous!!
I guess the answer lies in how men handle the awakening of this part of their lives. I think it involves serious and ongoing communication, an effort on the part of both partners to reconnect intimately by finding ways to pleasure each other, pacing of the re-introduction of the act itself, and the realization by both partners that the needs of each must be acknowledged. I think a healthy sexual relationship can be a true blessing in a marriage or relationship IF and only if each partner can put the needs of the other first. That commitment to me is the singular key to a healthy and loving relationship. So guys - you need to really understand what your women are going through - and women - you do need to understand that even if sex is no longer at the top of your list - it is really important to your men. Hence, the two of you need to figure out a road map that will allow you both to enjoy the miracle of Viagra and other erectile dysfunction medications while finding other ways to pleasure one and other.
Are you grappling with this situation?? How are you handling it???
Published On: June 18, 2008