My partner has ended our relationship and is in some type of denial about his ED

05/24/08

Carol

Topics:Erectile Dysfunction and Relationship

I am 38 and my boyfriend is 43--now ex-boyfriend. We have dated for almost 3 years. He has had a problem with ED from the beginning of our relationship. At first, I thought it was me but then realized it wasn't. We have broken up several times and it's always the same pattern--he tells me he is in love with me, etc...then tries to get close but nothing works (tried viagra, cialis and has been to a urologist who can't find anything wrong with him) so he becomes a very angry person and starts yelling at me and arguing and blaming me for something random. Then we break up. I have been EXTREMELY supportive throughout these 3 years. At his request I made an appointment to visit a pyschologist with him but the week before the appt he broke up with me again and then cancelled the appointment. It has taken me 3 years to see the pattern of breaking up. He has told me recently that how it occupies his every thought and I guess me being around him makes it worse. This time I am leaving for good. He has been so ugly to me this past week for no reason at all but I know it's because he tried taking a pill 2 weeks ago and absolutely nothing happened. I would just like some insight on how the partner should deal with someone or get closure on the fact that he won't accept any help and stays in denial. Has anyone else experienced this?

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Answers (1)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

melinda

Hey Carol,

The same thing just happened to me this week. I see that your script is from may, but, may now you figured out things, that you may actually share.

Ok, we were friends, for something like one year and a half, somehow turning around each others, but never really admitting thatwe were attracted to each others. Than we dated, the first month was just amazing, and aftre that, he started his passive-agressive behaviour, calling me, making me cross the city, to go to his place, and once there, falling asleep, or just totalling ignoring me. the real silent violence, another person.

Than i wrote a letter, cause he wuld be refusing to talk, about anything, his feelings, my feelings, anything, he would even refuse to hear what I had to tell him, and god knows it was only beautiful things. in my letter, I said, that I am in great need to talk, and that if he refuses this to me, i'd be leaving him. afterwhat, he would come, and talk a bit to me, reassure me his love and everything, it went fine for one week, and than it started again, mean behaviour, ignoring me, putting me down, canceling appointements, etc...than I went to see him, and just drop it in front of his face, "listen man, we need to talk, about your erection problem", he claimed that he masturbates a lot, that he can't stop it, and that's his only matter, and that he brought consciously our relation to failure, that he would miss me, but, he does'nt wanna be with me anymore.

what do yu learn from this, you're not the only one, if people don't want help, yu can't help them, what do I learn from it both, it dragged so down, making loose my confidence, my self esteem, i felt i was the only one trying to read about it, to talk about it, and he was just avoiding, running away, all the time, so just leave it. sometimes, it is may be better for you.

I know you must have loved him to stay with him for three years, and try to solve the issues, but sometimes, if the guy, makes you the ennemy to be faught, I think there is no chnace to get anywhere.

Hope you feel better now, personnally, it is very hard,, we stayed together for 5 months, but I was so down at the end, I had to save my self from his mental sickness.

All the best