Saturday, October 25, 2014
Monday, September 01, 2008 SJWFoolishheart, Community Member, asks

Q: Husband having a problem reaching orgasm!

My Husband, who is 55, is having a problem.  When we make love, he is like the Energizer Bunny...he keeps going and going but he doesn't ejaculate.  This is a problem because we want a baby.  Now, he does have ED, which the family doctor seemed to think was due to a BP med he was on.  The doctor took him off the med, and he takes Cialis, which works.  After taking the Cialis he has no problem getting an erection.  In fact, the Cialis allows him to get erections for up to three days after he takes it.  And now since it has been a while since he has been off the "bad" med, he can even get an erection rather quickly when I am touching his penis even without the Cialis...enough for us to have a quick lovemaking session. 


But the only way he seems to orgasm is when either himself or I am masturbating him by hand.  It goes quicker when he is masturbating himself even if he doesn't get a full erection (but we have also noticed that produces less ejaculate).  And a lot of times we have to tickle/massage his perineum also.  He HAS orgasmed while having intercourse with me before, so I am really confused why he isn't able to now.  I know that he puts a lot of pressure on himself to come and it frustrates him and I try to get him to relax.


Are there any solutions to this?  I personally believe it is a problem because he has not had a whole lot of sexual experience prior to me therefore he is used to masturbation.  When he had to produce a semen sample for seman analysis he even told me he could do it better if he was sitting in a certain chair (his computer chair which is not here as we have moved).  It does seem to get better if we wait for a long time in between intercourse.  But that doesn't help with babymaking, since we need to try every other day.  I should add that his testosterone level was checked by the family doctor and that came back as normal!  What to do?  We are both very frustrated with this.  I have asked him why he thinks this is a problem and he doesn't even know himself.  He says he is attracted to me and he is sexually stimulated when we have intercourse. 

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Answers (2)
9/ 3/08 10:03pm

Although I'm not a physician or sex therapist it appears that your husband has gotten used to a particular pattern of stimulation and set of stimuli or circumstances through his rather long history of bringing himself to orgasm. If he is still masturbating with any regularity he may want to stop totally. Then the two of you may want to engage in daily foreplay and arousing contact without intercourse until his simply can't refrain any longer. This may help with assuring that he reaches orgasm.


The other issues that I'm curious about are your age and his commitment to starting to have children at 55. If he has any reservations about this there may be a connection between those concerns and his lack of physical response.


Rick Wirtz


Clark Jowers, Community Member
1/ 9/09 4:18pm

has he been checked for a varocoseal i am having the same probs at 36 and the doctor says it is caused by my Varocoseal which I am having taken care of soon. These can come on at any time and the man in question not know it for a while. If he is having some pain in the left or possibly right hip then he needs to be checked for it.

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By SJWFoolishheart, Community Member— Last Modified: 05/22/14, First Published: 09/01/08