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Worrie - There are so many things that could be going on here that jumping to a conclusion about his sexual identity is definitely not necessary. First of all, anxiety can play a really strong role, particularly in a new relationship. He may be able to "lose himself" when you are stimulating him orally or by hand but the pressure to perform while having intercourse may "get in his head" and cause him to lose his erection. The two of you need to talk about it so that some of the anxiety can be reduced. Heterosexual guys can be very turned on by anal stimulation too....nerve endings are nerve endings whether you are gay or straight. You never mentioned how long you two have been seeing one another and how long and often you have been sexually active with one another and with others before this relationship. All of those factors could be at work here. Take your time, don't panic.   Rick Wirtz