Trying to ignore it

By Lo Wednesday, July 22, 2009

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I'm 18 and just found out about a week ago that I have herpes. I'm going off to college in less than a month and was looking forward to new things and getting started with my life and meeting new boys and new friends and new everything and now I have this. I feel like a whole part of my life that could've happened will never happen now. I feel like this is blocking me from living life the way I want to - well obviously but not just with sex. I feel like I'm living a lie because if anyone knew they would never talk to me. I mean who talks to someone that has herpes that's just gross and trashy and disgusting - no offense I know everyone on this site probably has it if you're writing about it but I have it too remember. I was looking forward to college and later on having a good relationship with a guy and just having a boyfriend. My two high school boyfriends weren't that fulfilling of experiences for me so I was just looking forward to that whenever it did happen. Now what am I supposed to do? You can't have a normal relationship when you have herpes it's just not possible. I can't even enjoy being young and having a boyfriend that I can spend time with. No I might not marry them but I mean just being a young adult and being with someone. How am I supposed to tell another 18 or 19 or however old basically KID..yea I have herpes do you still wanna date me? No they definitely don't. And yea I guess I could try and hide it I mean that's what my mom told me to do cause she's the only person who knows but how can you hide that from someone? They're gonna think it's weird after awhile that you NEVER let them have sex with you without a condom even if they pull out..and then randomly every once in awhile you can't have sex but you don't have your period..(outbreak duh). And besides that I'd feel terrible giving them this for the rest of their lives I would never wish it on anyone. I just don't know what to do. And I'm gonna be so stressed next year at school I mean I'm leaving home I don't even know what it's gonna be like and they say stress causes outbreaks so I'm gonna have a painful terrible outbreak on top of learning how to handle college. Awesome. I haven't told anyone, I've been acting completely normal to everyone. I just didn't go out for a couple days when it was really bad then I totally have been having a normal life. But I know inside that it's not normal. And I feel like a complete phony because no one knows the real me - the me that has herpes. I've always been about honesty. I want people to understand me and like me for me. And now I have this big chunk of me that's hidden to everyone. I think it's a big chunk because it affects so many aspects of my life. I'm sorry this is so long I just haven't talked to anyone about it really I can't talk to my mom about all this stuff it's like all about sex. I hate even talking to her about it anyways I mean her daughter has a fuckin STD. And I just keep thinking how am I ever gonna get married? Who the hell is gonna marry someone with this that could possibly infect them at any time, can't even have a crazy, spontaneous sex life, and the whole getting pregnant having kids? With the research I've done - I don't know if this is right or not - there's barely any chance of giving it to your baby when you've had it for a long time. But still. So then I'm like well maybe I should just go on those herpes dating sites. But that's just so weird and not normal. I've always thought online dating was for weirdos I mean find someone in the real world. But I'm seriously considering it I just think it'd be so much easier if both partneres have it. Herpes - the whole life I had pictured for myself is slightly altered in every area. Overall I still have the same basic picture, but so many things are different. I don't like straying from my plans. I wish I would've gotten gonnorreah however you spell that or something like that goes away. Herpes is a lifelong BITCH.

Starting to hit me

Comments (12) | Add comment

marlalovestoshop

7/25/09 8:03pm

You are absolutely right but your not alone 1 out of 5 in the US have it now. I wish the government would come up with a cure. So far they have come up with a shot that works for people who have nothing they get the shot and guess what they can not get h from you we are waiting on approval of it now it is in the clinical trials, but I can say yes it works. I am sorry at your age or any age anyone has to be victimized by this darn disease we don't deserve it is right, but are we less than others no way we just simply trusted the wrong people who did not care about us that is the way I see it. Your no different person than you were before just more on your plate so to speak. A caring person will understand when your ready to tell them and those that don't care oh well you need a non caring person like a whole in the head that person the non caring person is the one who gave it to you so remember that and remember a caring person it will not matter to them. But yeah all of us feel exactly like you if we said we did not we all would be lying it hurts, but it is one day at a time and the strong survive and help others right because they care.

7/27/09 8:42pm

how long have you had it?? have you dated since you found out? it seems so hard idk how i'm gonna do it

eo91

7/27/09 10:16am

Hi, im 17 and i do think that i have herpes and im so scared.. im afraid to say anything to anyone and im afraid to go to the doctor. i am really notsure if i have it but i do have sores and pimple like bumps on my vagina and i dont know what to do .. i know youve been through this and im hoping you can give me some advice. please please write back

?????

7/27/09 8:26pm

Hi, just wanted to give you some advice. I am 26, I was diagnosed with herpes 2 months ago. Trust me. It is very scarry and a very hurtful feeling. I would say you should go get tested. Its better to know that not to know. You dont want to worry yourself and stress yourself thinking about if you have it. At least if you know that you have it or not, you will feel a lot less stressful. Honestly, I hope you dont have it and it may be something else. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Its hard trying to cope with a lifelong disease. I am still trying to deal with it myself. Also, no one wants a STD so, it would be better for you to know for sure so that you wont pass it on to your partner. I wish the person I contracted it from was more responsible. I was hurt and angry with him, but I have to forgive him or I will never be at peace with myself. Its not a day that goes pass that I do not think about it. I still cry til this day. I have not dated as of yet, because I honestly dont think I have the strength to do it yet. Living with it is hard, but each day I tend to get a little stronger. I have learned to except the fact that I have herpes. But, I think you should go get tested. Life would be much easier. I will pray for you and hope that your do not have herpes. Whatever the test says, remeber to pray and keep God first. He will ease your pain. He will give you the strength to deal with it. Remeber that Jesus bore our sickness and diseases in his own body, and through his stripes we are healed. He may not answere you in the alotted time you feel, but he will answer. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

You are in my prayers.

7/27/09 8:40pm

I mean those symptoms sound like herpes..it could be something else like the person before me said but I would definitely go get checked. if you're having symptoms like that you have to know what it is whether it's herpes or not. i know you're scared i was scared too and still am scared and probably always will be scared. hopefully you don't have it..let me know how it goes we can talk more.

rise_above

7/28/09 2:43pm

Hey, you're not alone. Lots of people have it. The problem is that lots of people don't KNOW they have it. So a bunch of the jerks that will drop you when they find out probably have it themselves.

Anyway, I thought a lot of the same things you did when I found out I have it. But the funny thing is, people are a lot more understanding than you think. Well, people that care about you, at least. Sure, some drunken keg party one-night stand type guy might kick you to the curb, but who gives a shit about those types of guys, right? You're worried about eventually getting married, right? You wouldn't want someone that shallow.

I had the chore of telling my girlfriend at the time... Man that was tough. I thought that she'd think I'd cheated on her. It turns out I had herpes for a long time, just never realized it because I'd never had an outbreak. I got some blood work done because I thought I had shingles, and I came back positive for HSV 2. Anyway, my girlfriend didn't kick me to the curb. She was shocked, sure, but she loved me enough to try and figure out options. Things between us didn't end up working out, but not because of the herpes.

I've even talked to some of my closer girl friends about the issue, and they say the same thing: It doesn't stop you sexually (aside from outbreaks), it doesn't keep you from having children, it's not law that you WILL pass it on, and you can do things to keep it in check. The key is finding someone that loves you enough to not bolt when they find out, and making sure they know ALL the facts about it.

The truth is, the disease amounts mostly to a minor inconvenience. Basically a skin condition, that when it's at its worst, can keep you from having sex because of discomfort. It's not fatal, it doesn't disfigure you, it doesn't rob you of anything. Sure, it still sucks, but in comparison, it's not like you have HIV. If your partner knows all of this, the easier it will be for you to both have a sexually intimate relationship.

Your biggest enemy is going to be yourself. YOU have to put a lot of your ideas and stigmas that surround the disease to rest and recognize that you are still a great catch, very attractive, and someone that any guy would be lucky to have. Personally, I've had a few women still want to sleep with me, even though they all knew about my condition. The only reason I didn't is because I'M still pretty paranoid about it... not them.

Yes, your disease is going to change your world, but it surely will not destroy it.

7/28/09 4:49pm

so since you found out you had it how have you changed your sex life?? i mean if those girls still wanted to sleep with you and you didn't..i'm just so nervous i'm 18 no other person my age between 18-21 w/e is gonna understand. i just wanted a boyfriend eventually and i just don't see how a young guy is gonna deal with that. they're not. how old were you when you got it

marlalovestoshop

10/27/09 5:07pm

Good advise I applaud you nice to know a guy who will write and give an honest answer I see why your a good catch. lol

rise_above

10/27/09 6:29pm

Thanks. This whole experience has been eye-opening, and our 2 biggest enemies in all this are ourselves and ignorance of others. Realizing that herpes is really freaking minor and putting it into its proper context has really helped me get out of my depression that I had when I first found out.

I've realized that I'm still the same attractive, loving, good-hearted guy that women loved before I got diagnosed. I just have to be a little more selective with partners now, and much more careful with protection... which is what I should have been doing in the first place.

pebbles26

11/27/09 1:42pm

You sound like a great catch. Kudos to you for being honest to your girlfriend and other girls about your situation. The guy I got it from knew and didn't tell me and I will never forgive him for that as long as I live. I need some advice about a new guy I am talking to and you seem like a very smart and honest person. I submitted a share post about it. Check it out if you get a minute and let me know what your insight is on it. I would really appreciate it :) Take care.

lin80443

7/31/09 6:12am

There is really no point complaining about your genital herpes now. Don't get too upset over it, plenty of people have it. See your doctor and keep it under control as much as possible and live your life and continue to do the things that you love to do. Hopefully someone will come up with a cure for it.

Sarah H

9/17/09 10:16pm

I found out if had it about 5 months ago, and honestly there are times I still feel the way you do. I can promise you everyone who finds out they have it feel this way. I can be in a group and it bothers me so much because I know that if they knew they would probably justt scatter away from me. I get so down when I'm around friends who make fun of people who have herpes or the herpe commercials, but I don't say anything because I haven't told any of my friends. The fewer who know the better is how i see it. I have dated since I have found out I have gotten it. It is difficult getting the words, "I have herpes," out of your mouth. Just the word herpes makes me cringe, but it also is such relief when you finally tell. The first guy I told was wonder afterwards and very comforting. We dated for a month later. I blame it ending on herpes, butat the same time I don't know. The second guy I told which is the current guy I'm dating freaked out a little more after I told him, but he went home a researched and the next day his attitude was, "I only have like a 2% chance of getting it from you. Who cares." He wants to start a sexual relationship, but we haven't been dating too terribly long so I'm not ready to go there. I don't want to risk giving it to him until I know I want something long-term. So, I'm more scared of passing it then he is getting it.

The point is I still get down and feel like an outcast. I get upset and talk to my guy and he comforts me and tells me it doesn't change me and it is just a minor thing. Some people are going to care and some people aren't. Just stay strong.

Trying to ignore it

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