I need a medical report that says I have it when I don't

No I have not been tested.  He tells me that if I contracted it I would of known for sure that I had an outbreak because the first one is the worst.  I haven't had anything that has caused me concern.

...and that's one of the problems here... He exposed me over and over and over again without protection and without me contracting it.  So why then walk away from our relationship now?  Why not do what we need to do to protect me as much as reasonably possible when I'm willing to take this risk...   He says he couldn't live with himself if I turned up positive and it was his fault.  I say 'get over it' and let ME be responsible for MY own choices...

If I get tested and it's false, I'm still in the same situation then as right now.

I need a medical report that says "POSITIVE" so I can tell him I was tested and have it, and then we can go from there.

I am at my wits end after dealing with this for 9 months now.  I've already lost him, I'm just wanting a way to get him back before he decides to pack up and move back to where he came from.

Hi BDsGirl,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us.  I'm not a doctor, so I cannot give medical advice (nor can I write you a fake diagnosis), but I may be able to help.

I really think you should get tested.  I think it's about 70% of the population that has HSV-1, and it's estimated that about two-thirds of people who have herpes don't know they have it.  So what your partner told you is not true.  You can certainly have herpes without having symptoms, and the first outbreak is not always the worst.  My first several outbreaks were so mild I thought I just had an allergic reaction to my laundry detergent or something.  It was not the typical scary, huge outbreak that people describe.  

I bet you have at least HSV-1, if not also HSV-2.  The only real test you can do without having symptoms is a blood test.  I discuss the different ways of testing for herpes in my latest SharePost titled Herpes Tests: How to Choose?.  I think you should read it and get some more information about testing methods.  You can get a type-specific or a non type-specific blood test.  I don't agree with your being dishonest to your partner, but I'll just say that if I were in your situation I would take a non type-specific blood test (and chances are it would be positive).     

I think showing your partner of 20 years a fake doctor's note seems a bit over-the-top.  Would you really wanna live with a lie like that?  If he ever found out, you would lose his trust forever.  Seriously.  Is it worth it?  Doesn't sound like it.  I think if you get the test done and it happens to come back negative, you should just continue to show your partner how well-informed you are about herpes and that you're serious about continuing with him the way things are.  If he can't deal with that then he's got his own issues and there's nothing you can do about that.  Sounds harsh, I know, but you shouldn't go around making lies and walking on eggshells to be with someone.  That's not a fun relationship.

You may want to check out Genital Herpes Basics for more general information about the disease.  Please get a blood test and come back and give us an update! 

PJ