Also found out that I have tested positive for herpes on Dec 18th.  Spouse had an outbreak in March, he got it from having a 6 weeks fling in Dec 2006.

He did not want to go on medication to suppress the virus and only wore condoms when we had sex.

I tried to make him understand that the risk for me is huge in the first year and that he should consider going on daily meds to protect me. 

Well that is too late and now I do not know how I feel about it all after 24 years of marriage.  Marriage had problems and that was why he cheated and now, I felt I could not go on with him. 

He not only cheated but kept in touch with some other woman online and I read their raunchy emails - he said it was nothing.

I think it is time for me to move on with my life, Herpes and all without him.

Hello Julie,

Thank you for sharing your outlook on this disease.

I too am a professional and I am having a tough time coming to terms with this disease . I contracted herpes (type 2) 2 years ago from a man I was in a relationship with who claims that he didn't know he had herpes. I went misdiagnosed for around 4 months and then decided after my second outbreak that something wasn't quite right and went straight to the STD clinic at our local hospital. Sure enough after a long wait, I was proven positive.

I am 36 and single ex-model in a city that is notoriously difficult to date in! I have no shortage of dates, just a shortage of men who i can get close enough to where I feel confident enough with our relationship to have 'the talk'. I think I subconsciously 'sabotage' relationships so I don't have to get close to someone again. 

I believe this paranoia all started when I was in the process of discovering that I had herpes and was newly dating a doctor who upon informing him, he dumped me really quickly. I was, to say it lightly, devastated. I figured if a doctor couldn't accept this disease, then who would? 

I would love to start a family in the not so distant future but need to find a decent man first! 

I am feeling very isolated and in some weird way just wish i met a man who shares this disease with me. Sounds quite cowardly but I have this guilt about it. I am beginning to understand that herpes has somewhat of a 'silver-lining' in that you can weed out the good guys from the bad very quickly BUT - it's taken me over 2 years to even begin to accept myself with this, let alone trying to calmly explain herpes to someone else who I am starting to have feelings towards.

Any advice?

All the best,

Paula 

juliehmn

4/ 2/08 6:49am

Paula,

You are correct in that you can weed out the not worth it guys.  I have'nt told to many people that I now have herpes.  I was speaking to a long time but distant friend just the other day and told her about it.  She said "I have it to" and told me soooooo  many people have it.  She accidently gave it to her boyfriend and they are getting through it.

I have separated from my husband a few weeks ago from whom I contracted it.  I am not looking to jump into a relationship any time soon.  I am fortunate to have four children already.  I expect love will come (maybe). 

Have you thought of the websites for people who are positive for herpes like positivesingles.com?  At least you'll know who has it an who does not.  It may assist you in dating more with the disease. 

There are so many people out there with Herpes - you can find them.  Please write me again - i am running around getting the kids ready for school and o n ot feel i gave you enough encouragement - i'll write again soon.

julie

Julie, you sound very understanding.. i recently contracted it from my 2nd ever partner and am devastated. He said he didnt know he had it but i cant stop blaming myself for this, with thoughts of i should have known more about it and not trusted him so, how do i stop hurting myself with these thoughts and accept this disease? I just hate myself soo much right now and am at the point of losing my job because i feel so depressed, as i always prided myself on not being promiscious and feeling pure and now this has killed that part of me :(