After living with genital herpes for the past two years of my high school life, many bad things had come out of it. From ex-best friends telling the entire school you have the disease,and having to constantly knowingly lie to each and every person who walked up to me and asked me alot of these people i've known since kindergarden, to meeting someone very special and waiting along time before becoming physical to now being in love with this person but not having the heart or strength to tell them. How do I after all the pain I've gone through potenially tell this person I have this disease and not expect them to run away as fast as I would if I found out the person I love or supposedly love had this? how do I tell them I ruined my own life?
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so hard after all the pain
Hi loved,
Thanks for sharing your story. High school kids can be so stupid, good thing you never have to go back there.
I know how hard it is to meet someone and have to tell them about your herpes. I love the story above, that she is married and has never passed on the disease. I have heard many other stories just like that. I myself, though not married, had a boyfriend for 2 years who knew I had herpes, and a few other guys I dated who accepted my health condition. I know how scary it can be to tell someone, but it seems to get easier the more you do it. If this person really loves you, they will overlook your herpes to be with you for all the other great qualities you have. The more knowledgeable you are, the safer you can be, and the more you can reduce the risk that your partner will get the disease. I emphasize this in my last two Shareposts called Setting the Scene and Breaking the News in which I discuss my approach to telling a partner. I'm not saying you should do things exactly like me, but they are suggestions that have worked for me in the past. I also recommend checking out Genital Herpes Basics and the section on Dating and Relationships.
I disagree with your statement that you've ruined your life. This is merely one bump in the road. Everyone has problems, whether they are health-related, psychological, financial, familial...you name it! Your life is not over, it's just one more challenge in life's obstacle course that will force you to find those that REALLY accept you, flaws and all. (That is...if you also accept their flaws, since everyone's got problems.) Is that so bad? You're not alone in this challenge.
Good luck,
PJ
thank you for your very sweet comment, and your right I finally got the courage to tell him, he didnt care, he said he loves me and all of me, not just the millions of good things but also all of my wonderful flaws, it was offically a year last wednsday! he's not goin anywhere anytime soon, we're going to his grandparents house for thanksgiving and are going to spend about 5 days up there its our mini-vacation. I guess I was just scaread to loose someone I love so much. and was scared because I had never felt this way for anyone else.
But it takes time. In some ways getting the virus early in life provided me with the necessary strenght I might not have had to make better relationship choices. Getting physically involved was a big deal and not something I could casually enter into because of the virus.
I met and dated men. By the time the 'talk' came up I already knew them well enough to accurately guage how they might handle this. I never rushed into sex or relationships because of it.
I've been married 17 years now and have two wonderful kids and a husband who loves me.
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I know what you are going through. I aquired HSV when I was 19 years old and I too thought my love life was over. I felt cheated and it was just unfair.
I dated twice after my first outbreak and married the 2nd. The first time I told someone, it was very hard for me because I felt "diseased" and ashamed. Neither "ran away" as I thought they would. The 2nd is my husband of 3 years and we have been together for 7 years and recently had a baby girl 4 months ago. This friday I will be 28 years old. I have a very normal life and my husband and I are very careful not to have sex when I feel that an outbreak is comming on. After 7 years I have never passed it on to him.
9 years ago I thought of my "condition" as a curse, but the reality of it is I was able to find someone who truly loves me because of it and would not change "that night".
I still dont let anyone else know that I have HSV, it is none of their business if I am not sexually involved with them. There is such a bad vibe about the virus that I feel people would think ill of me. When people make jokes about herpes...I just laugh right along with them, then think to myself how little that person knows about it.