I am a 26 year old female who was diagnosed with Genital HSV 2 in June 08". I contracted the virus from my childs father who I had been in a monogamous relationship with for 2 years. Our child was born in 06".After being diagnosed I later found out that his first childs mother had the disease as well. I am constantly thinking if you re being faithful to a person and doing everything right how could something like this happen?? Even though I knew he wasnt faithful I guess you can say it was my stupidity that lead me to keep having unprotected sex with him knowing he was sleeping around. Im not exactly sure when I contracted the disease but it had to be after my child was born because she doesnt have any types of HSV. When he was questioned about it he denied everything but I can be 100% sure that he has it and is still spreading it to people. We parted ways right after our child was born and I have been trying to pick myself up and go on. Its hard! Every day Im reminded of how Ill have to tell every man I meet from now on that I have this uncurable diesase that he could get from me. My moral code is so strong that I couldnt live with myself if I didnt tell a guy up front so he could decide if he wanted to develop feeling for me and possibly take things further. Being honest has already turned two men away so i question whether I should even tell them because this path is getting very familiar and I can expect to loose every friendship and relationship I have with a man because of this disease. Depression comes along with this condition. I cry everyday just thinking about my future. I want more kids I want a husband I want a family but who wants someone with an STD??? Nobody! This is a condition that is so hard to understand if you arent the one going through it
anyone with anything that could help me cope please leave me something
I feel your pain, and have for over 10 years. I got it in a similar situation, and ended up losing a baby since I contracted it during my pregnancy. For us the problem isn't just an STD, it is also the hurt feelings every time you have an outbreak, or have to explain to someone else. You are doing the right thing by being honest, but do consider your timing. I think I am correct in assuming that your herpes is a HUGE deal to you. But it doesn't need to be the focus of your relationships. It isn't "no big deal" ..but it certainly isnt the end of the world. Are you telling people when you first meet them? The first date or two? My opinion is that you dont need to be discussing sex that early on. Get to know the person, find out if they are potential life mates, then discuss it. Let them know you have something that is difficult for you to discuss. Explain how you got it. Educate yourself on herpes, and be prepared to explain: about your body, how often you have outbreaks, if you know you are going to be having one before it happens, any supressive therapy you are taking, ways to prevent transmission, how often it happens, how long you have had it, the last time you got checked for STD's and what was found. Be prepared to answer lots of questions, and not get offended when he asks them. Remember to put yourself in his shoes. You and your partner both need to be tested for everything before you start a physical relationship. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child to stay healthy. Herpes can make it easier to get other STD's - so you need to be even more careful now. The right person will come along...when mine did we actually had the conversation over the phone (less embarassing for me). We ended up doing lots of internet reserarch together, and decided we would use condoms unless we were trying to conceive. Hang in there!
Thanks for your reply! Sure it's a very big deal to me and I guess my timing is what is wrong. I have told the guy as soon as I met him. Kind of not wanting someone to get attached and then I break the news. I think that would hurt somebody more. Maybe im wrong. Since I have been diagnosed I haven't had a single outbreak because I take valtrex. I don't take it daily like it says but every few days. The meds are expensive!!! My feelings are hurt every time I think about it. I have educated myself so much on it I could speak about it to a large crowd!LOL!!!! and I also educated this guy b/c you know he had one million questions and I answered all of them and never get offended because I have placed myself on the other side of this and said what if I were him. Before I contracted the disease I probably would have been just as judgmental as most people are but now that I am the one who is living with it it's different. Funny how I used to laugh at the valtrex commercials now I understand them and them people in them look so unrealistic. I don't know if being black or white makes a difference but black people put a heavy damper on STD's. My responsibility to my child is what keeps me here. I have often thought about ending my life but I THINK OF HER. I know she needs me! Word can't explain how I feel. The last guy I told at first told me he wasn't judgmental and the whole nine but after a few weeks he said that he wasn't willing to put him and other at risk because he knew he wasn't going to be monogamous with me. So the friendship ended. LIKE yea right that's all I need another unfaithful man. I am thankful that is herpes and not HIV. I understand that it's not a death sentence but it's so hard. Once again thank you.
Ain't that the truth everybody has someone out there for them. And God didn't give us these virus's just to watch us suffer he gave them to us becuase it was part of his plan for each of us. We just might not understand it yet.