(For you those who judge) Angry Feelings Consuming Me! Be me for A day!They will consume you 2!

Hey I posted in one of your other comments but I'm just gonna make a long story short. I have been in the place you are, it is very dark, lonely and misleading. #1 i just want to say that until you accept that you have it and take control of it instead of letting it control you ,you should not be trying to get into a relationship. YOU have to heal first. #2, if you really like someone and see it possibly being long term DO NOT tell them right away....its not lying or keeping the truth. Sex should not be the focus when its someone that you feel you could be with. I mean of course you have to tell them before you engage in sexual contact but that shouldn't be your first thought. You have to get to know them and let them get to know you first...only then should you tell them. I used to think that if I didn't tell them right away it would hurt later after I've developed feelings but trust me SOMEONE will stick around. I guess I got lucky...it was probably 2 months after I found out that I met someone and knew that he would one day be my husband. We hung out for about 2 months before I told him and all he did was hug me while I cried and said he wasn't going anywhere and he hasn't. We are expecting a child in June (my 1st, his 2nd). You are going to feel every emotion under the sun but you have to put those emotions in check and take care of YOU first. Only then can you move on and get into a relationship. I promise everything will be ok, you are talking to someone who was so low that I never saw the day that I would stand back up and be proud of who I was and not let this disease take over my life. I thank God for this experience b/c there is always some good that comes out of bad and it could have always been worse. I am wiser, stronger and feel that I can always offer a word of encouragment to someone who is dealing with this. I think my reason for having this disease is to warn others and be an example to others of the danger and misconceptions of this disease. Hang in there! God is watching over you, you will understand one day.

You must forgive yourself for having contracted this disease.  I have been living with my virus for almost 20 years.  I remember when I first got it how bad I felt-and how much it hurt.  The biggest thing that helped me mentally was forgiveness.  AND-then I actually accepted the virus as part of me-which also helped-In my expirience the more I hated it and stressed about it-the more outbreaks I had.   I also had to find it in my heart to forgive the person who gave it to me.  We were drinking-I wanted to have sex-he did not-but he did not tell me that he had this virus-He tried to resist but I was irresistable.  We all have a piece or play apart in what happens to us-I realized that also.  I can not blame anyone but myself.  And -now- I feel blessed to have gotten this-as I was on a path of self destruction-It made me stop-look-listen.  I had two young children-what was I doing getting drunk and having unprotected sex?  Come on I was smarter than that.  I was raised better than that.  It turned me around 100%-made me a better Mom and a better person.  I sometimes think If I hadnt have contracted this virus-I would be dead right now.