I contracted herpes 18 years ago from a one night stand. The idiot wasn't up front with me, and I was very young and vulnerable. I too, along with most that read this post, felt gross and disgusting, and felt that my love life would cease to exist from that point forward. I have since been in relationships with men that did not have an std. I've only dated 1 that did. He was nice enough to tell me before we became intimate. I really respected him for that. I have always been responsible and honest about my situation. It is always very difficult to tell a possible new partner that you are infected. Some people that aren't infected have this idea that you are a walking time bomb. I must say, as of today, I haven't had a guy turn me down because of herpes. Sometimes they are inquisitive and I can sense a bit of procrastination. I am now divorcing, so I will be back on that bandwagon of uncomfortable discussions and vulnerability. If you have herpes, the best thing you can do for yourself is be honest with your new partner. Don't leave them in the dark. At the end of the day, it is their choice whether they wish to be intimate with you. If they don't, then they are not the one for you anyway. Let it be what it is and move on. It's not the end of the world.
Thanks for your feedback. I wasn't sure if I was being too negative or close-minded, so it's nice to know there are others who agree with me and have had success in their love lives as well.
I understand completely. I am 28, a young professional, attorney at that. I contracted it from a boyfriend who was not honest with me a few years ago. Reallly sad and difficult time for me. I then dated someone for a few years who did not think it was an issue. Today is particularily hard because I have been seeing someone else, decided to be honest with them, and they freaked out, of course after intimacy, which didnt make any sense to me at all. Its beed a few weeks since we discussed it and today he called everything off, naming herpes as the reason. My spirits are down and I am trying to remind myself that I am a smart woman, take great care of myself, graduated from law school, have a bright future, and I made a mistake when I was young. I just find it so hard to believe the ignorance of some people. Not to mention, I should feel good about myself for being honest because generally people are not at all, which is how I got to this point. I am trying to tell myself he was not the one, but I just wanted him to know it is not an issue for most people. In fact after being diagnosed, I have not ever even had symptoms of any kind. Reading all the other stories made me feel somewhat better. My best friends all have it as well. I had no idea until way after I was diagnosed. Thanks for sharing.
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I feel like you wrote my story!! Ha, extremely refreshing to read what you wrote. I recently signed up on PositiveSingles, and I am deleting my account tomorrow. I found out in August that I have HSV2, and just barely have been researching support groups because, although my friends are amazing, I was seeking people who really understand how I feel. So I have blogged on WebMD, now here, and PS.
So my very short lived experience with PS is this:
I signed up, "winked" at a few people, got too many emails from guys I'd never date, regardless of their + status, and then realized that I had just confessed to like 1,000 people all over the nation something that is a very private thing to me. After having a few older guys who live in my area tried to contact me, I am soooo over it.
I am not herpes. You aren't either. I agree 100% with you when you say that there is no reason to limit social activity to just + people. I feel much more like myself around my best friends, because I am still me...no need to change what I do, who I talk to, or what men I date. The men that I came into contact with on that site, for the most part, were just as horny, judgemental, and scummy as the guy next to you on the bus. I guess I thought I would find people who were more understanding and not as big of douchbags, ya know? I think if this has changed me at all, it has allowed me to dismiss all the stigmas of std's...but boys will be boys.
My number one reason though, really, to cancel my profile on that dating site is that I am not willing to limit myself (or resort) to online dating. For now, I'll stick to the old fashioned way of dating. Maybe, like you, I will coincidentally meet someone else who is +, or I will find someone who loves me for me and doesn't view my status as a flaw.
While I was signing up, I read a few of the "Success Stories" and there were plenty to choose from. But at this time in my life, I couldn't picture myself in any of those stories. I would recommend you to try it, because it won't hurt, and if you're curious, just go for it. Maybe another site besides PS will be more PG and discreet.
FYI, if you do decide to sign up on PositiveSingles, be aware that when you add someone as a "Favorite" it sends an email to them, letting you know that. People will see where you live, which std you have, and they 'highly' recommend that you post a picture, "or else...blah blah blah"....More than anything, for me, it was just too revealing and fake all at the same time.
But everyone is different. So what the hell...nothing to lose, right? Good luck with your encounters, + or not!!