Tuesday, November 17, 2009
As we all know, talking about having herpes is often harder than actually living with the virus. One of the most common questions that come up on this site is how to effectively tell one’s partners that he/she has herpes. However, we rarely discuss the issue of telling one’s family, whi...
Hi,
Thanks for all these helpful posts. It's nice to know other people are going through the same issues. It seems like I was a bit like you - I went to the doctor not knowing what my symptoms were, and kept my family posted the whole time. Then, when I found out what it actually was, I felt ok with telling them about it. They were really supportive. Sometimes I think my mom doesn't really understand (I guess you can't unless you have it) but they are always good to me as I often get upset about it. When I was first diagnosed I had a terrible experience with my doctor and that has instilled in me alot of low self-esteem toward the issue. My parents have been providing unconditional love and support throughout. I'm really lucky that this crappy situation showed me that.
Interestingly, on the other hand, it has shown me who I really can't trust. There were two friends that I told. Although I love my other close friends, I can't trust them not to talk about my situation while I'm not there, and it bothers me alot to think about that. But I'm ok with it. I don't need more people to know. :)
When I was 19 my friend told me that she had contracted the virus from her boyfriend and since I didn't know what it was about, I became spooked and spent less time with her, though I never bad mouthed her or anything, I was just very fearful of catching it myself. When I was 24 I had another friend who also had it, though I didn't know it until sometime later, I had moved and she told me through email. After that again, I became a little bit spooked about the whole thing. I have recently had sex with a man (2 weeks ago) after a lapse of 4 years, and have had some very strange symptoms.
I have gone in to be tested for herpes, because I know how widespread it is, the results will be back tomorrow. There is only one person I care to tell this about, and I say damn the consequences...when he calls me I will let him know, there's nothing to be done about it now. I suspect he has experience with it anyway.
But with my family, I will never be able to tell if the results come back positive. These last few weeks I have been thinking long and hard about my two friends - in a way it's a bit of a relief if the results are positive. This has been a thing I have been fearful of for a long time. Dealing with the thing, or potentially the thing, is far easier than running from shadows in ignorance. I am mostly fearful that I will spread it to family members or people on the street by just touching them, though that's probably a silly fear - it's one that I have.
It is a silly fear. You cannot spread herpes to someone just by touching them or being friends with them. You shouldn't be afraid of this. Do a little more research and see if you can get a better understanding of the ways it can be transmitted. You will probably find that you are relieved ... the knowledge will help you understand how the disease works and how little it actually defines you if your test is positive. Good luck.
Thanks - I figured it was an empty fear. I should learn about it regardless of what happens. Knowledge is power, non?