It wasn't what I expected!

When I was 14 years old I began dating a boy who I grew up with. It wasnt until a year of dating that we took the next step and began having sex (protected!). Once my parents found out, it only took them a week to pick up and move away, however, my boyfriend and I did NOT know that I would not be coming back. Because of the move I fell into a depression and when my parents realized that it was because of them pulling us away, they decided to move back so I can be with him again (That was only 1 year later). We began a relationship that involved sex again, but it was ALWAYS protected sex. Not once had we ever considered not using a condom. When I had just turned 17 years old He decided to move away and we broke up. I was so broken up that I once again fell into a depression. It was so hard for me to move on with someone because he was all I was thinking about. I decided to just do something I had never done before and go for it with someone else. I needed so desperately to forget about him, to eliminate him completely and the only way I thought that was possible was to have sex with someone else. Oh boy was I wrong! I did it with a guy 6 years older than me when i was 17. He had 3 children ages 2 months, a 2 year old a 3 year old and he was still living with his "ex- girlfriend/babies momma." I didnt even know his last name! After we did what we did I cried so hard. All I thought about was my first love, my first everything, and how I would never have another chance with him ever again. All I was trying to do was forget him, so why was he all I was thinking about. That was not what I expected to happen. Not only did I make a mistake by being with an older guy, but, I also made the mistake of having UNPROTECTED sex with him and also chose to stay with him only because I was so afraid to be called horrible names and get put down, so I played the part I thought I should have played and was the "girlfriend." Though I didnt want to be there I settled for what I thought I "deserved." There was a lot of manipulation in that "relationship" a lot of lies and a lot of threats to ruin not only my reputation but also my family, and I couldnt risk it.  I look back now at 19 years old, only 1 year later, stuck with Genital HSV 1, and I regret it with a passion. I wish I walked away sooner. I wish I never decided to even try and get over my first boyfriend using sex. I know now that sex is NOT the way out of anything. All that comes with it is a possible chance of an STD, a loss of confidence, and lots and lots of blaming. Now, I have a boyfriend who I am madly in love with. We are ready for the next big step in our relationship. He is aware of my STD and how I got it. We are very serious and are thinking about a life together with children, however, with my being positive with Genital HSV 1 and him being negative, I am terrified to do anything with him without protection, but with protection, how will the children come?! I know there are other ways but, I want to do this naturally. So, we together are going to go through this and learning more about what we can do to protect him, our future and our future with children. Though I am the happiest than I have ever been with a man, me having an STD was not something I had ever expected! I hope women of all ages think about the consequences of their actions, because it is NOT at all fun when you have to live a life of limitations like I do now. Believe Me!