Waking up in the morning and feeling a burning sensation as I urinated. Hmm. Flashbacks screaming in my mind of the unprotected sex I had enjoyed a week earlier. A trip to the all knowing doctor cleared me of Gonnorhea and Chlamydia. Yeepee. I was in the clear.
Finding a blister on my penis a week later I came thudding back to earth with a crash bang life flashing before my eyes as denial gave way to research and picture upon internet picture of herpes herpes herpes flashing in my face like a neon sign leaving me with no doubt as I walked into the doctor to hear my new results: "I have GOOD news" I couldn't believe my ears, I briefly believed in Jesus as she continued HIV NEGATIVE HEPATITIS NEGATIVE SYPHILLIS NEGATIVE blah blah I know I know but herpes.....????? Positive. Positive. Woah. Jesus now a distant memory as my thoughts and self diagnosis were confirmed. "My life is over".
It took me a few minutes to realise I WAS lucky. Things could be so much worse. Ok, so that took me a day or two, but I have realised it. (in Australia, we realiSe, not realiZe) And I guess that is what brings me on here, stumbling across this site late at night about 4 days from that moment reading some posts from people depressed and depressing and feeling for them and wanting to hold them and tell them tell YOU: It's ok. Everything will be fine. I smiled reading some posts from people in a similar mindframe to myself, and I think the more positive that comes on, the better, for negativity never did anyone any good.
So onwards with my story then, as I slunk from the Dr and decided to take up smoking driving to the park to call the person I believed responsible. It went ok... as well as one could expect, the news shocked her and I had no reason to doubt it could be anyone else. "I'm sorry, but it must have come from you". As she was interstate there was no way i could go to her and talk, but all I wanted to do was hug her and make it all ok. Although we were no longer involved with each other, I cared, and wanted to help. My reaction was interesting, and I thought a good indication of my development as a beautiful human: I showed her love and support with no conditions and no judgements. SHe didnt know she had it, it was not her fault. I take responsibility for my own idiocy.
Onwards onwards I call an ex girlfriend from way back whom is now a dear friend as I need someone to talk to before I kill myself! Chainsmoking by this point I sit down and tell her flat out what has happened. It was so great to hear the response "Aw, a couple of my friends have that"... wow... so it isn't just doctor hype saying that it is really common, people actually live with this virus??? I now live with it. As you, dear reader, also do. It IS common. It CAN be dealt with. We CAN have relationships (I plan on proving this, so stay tuned) and it is really not the end of the world. It is cold sores. Just not on your lips. It wont kill you. I promise.
