Recently Diagnosed: And now...

Within 4 days my mind has been consumed, my stomach churned and every emotion possible has surged through my body sometimes doubling me over with pain as I try to accept my fate and life. Life. What an amazing thing it is. We never know what is around the corner, we can not predict the future, and this is what I find so beautiful about it: The only thing that exists in this life is right now, right this second, and you know what? Right now I am happy. I am healthy. Right now I am not  telling a potential partner about my herpes, so why let it bother me right now?? If I sat here for the rest of my days wondering if that someone will accept me I would go crazy. If they dont, well... I feel for them. I feel for them because they are going to miss out on having me, and I feel happy that this has happened because if they cant help me deal with that, stand by my side through this, this irritating cold sore on my PENIS, well... is that the sort of person I want to depend on for the rest of my life? IS that someone who will stick by me when times are tough? I don't think so. 

Think of someone whom you love, or have loved in the past with all your heart, every fiber of your body... think of this person and imagine they sat you down and told you they have herpes and explained it all to you. What would you do? Would you run? I know when I think of that person in my mind I can say with total conviction that I would not run. So maybe herpes is a device given to us to weed out the ones who are not worth the time. 

And So, the girl I called to inform she had given me herpes: SHe came back negative today. I am so happy for her. Now I am lost, my mind is reaching back to every sexual partner, of which only a few were unprotected, and all of them trusted: so then also onto every girl I ever went down on. I dont know that I will be able to conclude where and when I picked this up. And I am ok with that too. It wont give me a reason to regret an experience which is a beautiful memory in my mind. I also thank my calm nature for showing her love when I believed she had given me the virus, not casting her off and abusing her, for right now I would be looking awfully stupid.

Onwards onwards, this week life has thrown me a massive curve ball: But life is funny, it works in some wonderful ways and the best we can do is sit back and try to enjoy the ride. The fact you are sitting with a computor in front of you tells me that all your basic needs of food and shelter have been met: The path to true happiness from there is within, and we all possess the ability to achieve that. Breathe deep, smile. 

I don't quite know what the message or point of all this rambling is, but if you have read this far then you wont mind me closing with one last thing:

"When you are aware of your own pain and suffering, it helps you to develop your capacity for empathy, the capacity that allows you to relate to other peoples feelings and suffering. This enhances your capacity for compassion towards others. So as an aid in helping us connect with others, it can be seen as having value"   The Dalai Lama. 

Peace and Love.