So now my biggest fear is that I will infect her. This would hurt me so much, but in saying that, I cannot be held to blame. I have been open and all the decisions have been left to her. All the risks we take are her risks. I cannot take responibility for that... nor should I. This is the beauty of being open with your partner.. If you tried to hide the fact you had herpes, well the strain that would put on you would be unbearable! It is so important to be honest from the beginning and put the choice in their hands, that way we need not feel too down if they are infected. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. I guess most people here contracted it from a partner they did not know had it. And we know that doesnt feel so good!
So, Be open, be happy, be loving. Good things will come.
Peace.
I'm 22 and have had the virus for a year and a few months. I contracted the virus a few months before I turned 21,the year of drinking and fun! I was the good looking guy who everyone looked up too, the one who had all the answers and the person who others would come to with a problem. The one with the perfect family and all the answers to people with "effed" up lives. After two days of laying in bed sicker than a dawg, I called the doc. When I drove away from the office, I let out the first tear and cried out to God. "God, what do you want me to learn from this?" It took over 6 months, but I figured it out. I have still only told my dad(for insurance purposes,valtrex) and he was supportive as a father should be, but what I have learned in the past year and who I've become, surely surpasses all the bull crap stigma and physical problems this stupid virus carries with it. It boils down to judgement. When you walk past the obese person in the grocery store, do you say, "wow, lose some weight" or do you say, "I have herpes, and he's obese..., I guess we both have problems. I wonder what kind of person he is?" I now see people in a completely different light, and guess what?!?! Due to my new outlook on other people, and relationships in general, even more people seem to be drawn to me. Maybe someone with the virus, or someone without it. I admit I have yet to meet someone who openly admits to having herpes, a category I fall into, but I can't wait until the day I do. I've read so much that scares me and minimal things that leave me feeling good, but I hope these words give you hope. So many people have this virus, young, old, and everywhere in between. Emotionally has been hard...but not because of my own body...but because of possible transmission to someone i care about. I am truely most paranoid about telling a partner...who might tell others, and so on. Be careful who you tell and make sure your soul feels right, Pray...feel...think...and understand the entirety of the situation. If your personality and demeanor demands respect...people will give it to you. Stop thinking about all the b.s. asymptomatic sheading...and weekly outbreaks... take lysine every day, maybe valtrex for a year or more, and eat and sleep well. Live the dream. Get an education if possible, meet a new person everyday, and embrace what you have and who you are, because its YOU not the virus.
I've been checking my post(first post ever) to see if anyone would reply. I'm glad you did and hope you will check this again. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking, "Who else here has it?" or "Who shares my pain?" but the way i look at it, it's simply not as big of a deal as we make it. I like how a few posts back the guy says he uses his condition as a gage. I've adopted the same philosophy. I will gage a persons character on how they react when I tell them. This is my plan to telling a partner, because for most, that is the biggest concern....aight listen up:) I'm going to put off having sex until we get to that point where we need to. At that point, I think she will be in love with ME not my body. I think I'll make a reference to the song every rose has its thorn:) to break the ice and carry on from there. I'll say, "By telling you this I'm showing you what kind of person I am and how much i care for you." Now this doesn't mean if she decided to not continue the relationship that she has bad character, but it will speak volumes to see exactly how she responds and acts afterwards. That fact that I cared enough about her to not just have sex with her should show her what kind of man I am and how I may handle situations with our life together in the future. Then we can get into all the details, which I will know EVERYTHING she could ask about. Thats my plan! This might sounds stupid, but a plan is needed. I also read a valtrex brochure that tried to tell me I was asymptomatic shedding like 15 days out of the month...wow! what a load of crap. Keep in mind people that Valtrex makes tons of cash off us...and if they can convince us stupid people that we are contagious that often...they will. After having it for over a year I have an, "I'm over it" attitude and will rarely ever stress about it again. BYE
HI!
Well, just like a lot of you guys, I am new to this disease as well. I found out about it about a month ago, but think that I've had it for about 6 months. I never had that "primary infection" breakout-the only weird thing that happened w/in the last year was that I got the flu. I'd never once had the flu before, so when I found out-after beating myself (and my now ex-boyfriend) about when I got this, I realized that it had to have been then-a whopping 6 months ago. I wanted to reply to you because, I am feeling exactly the way you feel. I have told a few people, best friends, and my sister and her husband. Everyone has been pretty supportive about this...they (most of them) know someone or multiple people that have this. But I am always looking around wondering who has it and just doesn't know it. I kick myself every day for taking that stupid blood test-I wouldn't know about it if I hadn't, and no matter what...arrogance is bliss-or at least I feel like that these days. I want to scream at people who have been somewhat judgmental that they could have it too-that I'm not a slut or dirty-I'm still the same person that I was a month and a day ago. I too hope that I'll wake up soon and this not be the first thing I think about. I still have faith that I will meet someone that I can tell this too and feel confident that they won't run...we'll see. On a good note-just an FYI I have a friend who was diagnosed with HSV2 over 6 years ago. She only had one outbreak-the primary one. She got married and has had 3 children-her husband still doesn't have herpes-and her kids are the healthiest most happy kids ever. When I talk to her about it, she says not to stress about it unless there is a reason too. That's my goal.
Anyways, I've rambled plenty at this point. I hope maybe someone finds this and can "feel" me kinda.
I wish everyone the best!!! Don't let the social stigma get you down...I'm really trying to be miss doctor about this bc I want everyone to understand that society has made this really bad-when really it's just not. You aren't going to die...more than likely you won't even have another "bad" outbreak. It's just like HPV-only 1% of the time does it cause cervical cancer-but that is all you hear about on TV. Herpes is really just an annoying situation-it can't really "hurt" us...the only bad thing about it is that it doesn't go away-which yes...sux bigtime-but neither does chickenpox, or some strains of strep, etc...things stick with you that we don't even know about. I guess just educate yourself as much as possible and try to argue against the "social stigma"-once you break it down, you'll realize that it's not a death sentence. And if someone cares about you and will listen to you-then they should be able to see past it.
Anyway, sorry...rambling.
Later!
Reading the part where you said you would have never known had you not taken the blood test has me thinking.... My doctor convinced me NOT to take the blood test but said if it happens again then we will do a culture. I can see why it is shy convince me not to do so. Some people NEVER have signs. Needless to say I had an OB and tested it and was diagnosed with this disease. Every minute that i have to myself I think about my CURSE. Thats what I feel it is. I wake up EVERY day wishing I hadnt been so dumb and not used protection that night. I'm not one to sleep around. But i feel the guy that I feel comfortable telling will think that about me. :( I get sadder and sadder EVERDAY knowing this disease is something I have to live with the rest of my life. I am one of the unfortunate that has an OB a few days before I menstrate. It's definitely not as bad as the first one. That was the worse thing I had EVER gone through. I always look around and wonder...do they share my pain?! Then I realize I'll get use to this and learn to live with it. I must learn to control it and not allow it to control me.
Can I ask anyone here that has this....do you always feel weird? Just not normal down there? Will we always have to use protection the rest of our lives? Im terrified to spread this to anyone. I want someone to tell me that there is a way to control it. I read up on it but with all the stuff online it confuses me. Someone...anyone???
Hey! I think spending long hours reading stuff does exacly THAT...confuses! I mean, read the facts, understand them, and then everything other than that is everyones own personal situation, which all differ. I wouldn't say that it feels "not normal" down there, but I would say that I'm extremely body concious now and any feeling scares me. I think most people psych themselves up though. I swear by L-Lysine. It's an amino acid for the skin and is also said to stop the virus from replicating. This next month pump your body with it. At least 2000 mg a day. I would be really interested to see what happens around your menstral cycle. I've been off valtrex for a month and haven't had one yet. I'm interested to see how long I can go without one. I feel like I'll never get one again and that is the right mindset because i do believe in mind over body conciousness. Either way buy L-Lysine and some immune builder and take it religously. It's not expensive and no one will know what its used for when your buying it. I use to suffer BADLY from HSV-1 when i was an adolecent. After taking L-lysine I haven't had an outbreak for 6 years. Stay positive and don't worry about the guy thing. I feel the same way about telling girls. Worry about it when you feel you should tell someone. If your not in that situations stop thinking about what it would be like to be rejected because that stress can actually trigger more outbreaks. You're right about the curse and its so weird that we all talk about it. I mean honestly this does mess with your head super bad. I could describe it as demonic. Just give the situation to God and he'll work wonders. Keep me posted!!
You will not always wake up hating yourself or the decisions you have made. I have had genital herpes for 4 years now. Initially it was very hard for me and I was very hard on myself. I kept looking back at the situation like....Wow, I've truly messed up. The guy I got this from, probably will not be the guy I marry. From then on my negative attitude and outlook cause me to see myself as Herpes instead of a person who just happened to have Herpes. Over the years I have learned to love myself even more, and realize that there are people who love me for me, and even knowing about my herpes they still love me the same. Since I contracted the disease, I have informed 4 potential significant others of my siutaion. Of the 4, 3 of them did not care. The one that did not care was not so much scared, just not invested in me or a relationship therefore the risk was to great. As states before, though this disease feels like a curse or a dark cloud....it can be at times. BUT it is the positive attitude and outlook that will make it easier to bear. You must learn to love and accept yourself with herpes and others will too. The ones that don't...simply put--are NOT for you. It is an easy way to weed out who is sincere in their "romantic interest" towards you. I've learned that by sharing with my friends I found a support system, caring this alone can be tough. They understand my moods and triggers and help me to refrain from and avoid them! Hang in there, and keep sharing....it helps. I can look in the mirror now and say...I am Still Me. Oh...and I happen to have herpes. Instead of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my disease.
There isn't a day that goes by where this virus isn't on my mind. I always think about it, and whenever I'm alone I'll cry about it. I feel so horrible about myself, and hate the fact that I even have this virus. I know I'm not an ugly person, but I can't even enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I just feel so disgusted with my body, and I basically feel like whenever I go out, everyone can see the his huge sign on my back that says, I have herpes. I'm terrified of ending up alone. Knowing that no matter what I do, I'm still going to have it tomorrow, and the next day, and the next week, and for the rest of my life, scares me to death. I'll look at many different websites, cry, and notice how none of the websites have anythinggg positive about genital herpes, or herpes in general. I feel like there is absolutely nothing good about having this virus. And really, there isn't anything good about it. I'm 17 years old, and was diagnosed with genital herpes a little over a month ago. I'm not a slut, I never went through a stage of sleeping around, and I did nothing to deserve this. I keep my grades up, I'm a very nice, caring person, I have a job, and I stay away from anything that I don't feel sure about doing. I'm responding to this message particularly because of the part you mentioned about your friend. You said she's had genital herpes for over 6 years now and has yet to have another outbreak prior to her first official outbreak, she's been married and her husband has yet to be infected, and how she even has 3 healthy, happy kids. When I read that, that literally gave me some hope. I hope that I can be like your friend and never experience another outbreak again, I don't care if the outbreak is not painful and last for only a day or two. I would do anythingggg to never have to go through another one again. When I had my first outbreak (my only outbreak so far) I did not want to even look at myself. I was afraid to look, even touch, my own body. I hated myself. I'm so afraid to end up alone, I never thought I would end up by myself, until I was diagnosed with this virus. Now everyday, I know there is a chance, I just may be alone when I get older. The thought scares me to death. The main thing I wanted to ask you though, is if you by any chance, knew what type of medicine your friend has been taking. I've been taking Valtrex, and I would love to know if there is anything that may help me out a little more, something that may be stronger.