I have recently entered the dating scene and have begun spending time with an amazing man. After a short time our connection was deep and obviously heading in a long-term direction so I felt the need to tell him about my std (herpes). I had only known this man for 3wks and felt that I needed to honour myself and him by telling him right away. Unfortuantely he feels unable to enter into a sexual relationship with me due to his own fear around my std. This has left me feeling a little disappointed to say the least. However on the upside he has continued contact with me and seems to want to still spend time with me. I know that by telling him early on I have given him the choice something I was not given. I will always be honest with my partners and hope that I will find a partner who will be able to enter a relationship with me that will be based on honesty from the start.
I am sharing this experience because I think that too many of us enter relationships and do not disclose based on fear of rejection. This is part of the reason that herpes is spreading so rapidly. When we are not honest it does not allow us to grow as a person. I know that what ever happens in my love life I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I am an honest person. That makes me feel good no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for your time.
i too believe it is important to let the guy know early since i am an honest person. However, after devulging this information the last time, he asked questions which i answered and he seemed fine with it all. I was thinking, wow, this is great a man who looks beyond the herpes... but in all actually it turned out that he was just like the rest... i never heard from him after that night even though he lead me to believe that he would call me again and that all was well... i am very frustrated and feel like this gift that i received from the cheating husband will lead me to be alone the rest of my life... i feel cursed...
Hello,
I was reading your comment regarding dating and telling our partner early on about having herpes. I understand your feelings, anger & resentment that comes with being rejected based on something about ourself that we cannot change. Something that we have been gifted without a choice!!
I think that I have come to a place in my life (after having this std for 15yrs) where I KNOW that I am an amazing woman and I have alot to offer a mate. I have so many qualities that can never be over shadowed by having herpes. If a man can not enter a relationship with me because of fear around his own health, him contracting herpes then I understand that. If given the choice today what would we do???
I will tell you that the man I referred to in my previous post has continued to see me and to build a relationship. I think that having told him so early has allowed us to build a strong foundation and friendship that is based on trust. I can say that I am falling in love and it is not because of the usual physical attachment but getting to know someone on a different level. This man see's me for the wonderful woman I am..not the woman with an std!
I think that if you trust that there are some genuine men out there who will accept you and love you just as you are...beautiful, intelligent, integral, HONEST..(you can fill in what feels right to you.) You will then attract those men into your world.
Take care and wishing you the best in your journey.
thank you for the talk.. i know u r probably right but i am just frustrated. my love life has always been something that has always been lacking in my life. i finally thought that i met the love of my life after being alone for 11 years only to find out 2 1/2 years later that he was cheating on me... that was about 6 months after i married him. i am back in the dating world now and it seems like once i tell them that i have herpes they run the other way. i am a good woman and it seems like that does not matter once the guy finds out... i am thinking that maybe i should let the cat out of the bag before i even meet the guy that way i have invested nothing into it...