Got diagnosed 3 days ago...it's all over my profile like a stuck record but only cos I find it so hard to believe still. I have herpes?? An STD? Me? ...no way. It wouldn't happen to me. I've only had sex with clean people who had nothing odd about their equipment. And besides, there's people out there who are having more sex than me, and more carelessly. Why not them?! Why me?!

But the fact of the matter is, I now have begun to accept I do have it. I've been looking around for stuff that could be mistaken for herpes, but keep getting the opposite result. And anyway, we aren't talking one blister and a little burning. No, I had a huge fever and then it began to get tender around my vagina, eventually discovered tiny papercut-like painful areas, and peeing became a terror. When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I was going blind. Everything was peculiarly clouded over, it felt as if I was looking around through a thick cloud of gnats. I was dizzy and felt nauseous. Moving around, disoriented and confused and quite frankly very scared, I moved to the bathroom and peed and screamed...and spent an age recovering form the shock of pain while confused (I had no mind to brace myself for it in the slightest) and trying to stop my world from swaying. Eventually I achieved the first and gave up on the second, got up, got out, called for my mom to bring me some food cos I felt about as strong as a sheet of paper, and crept into bed. She brought me some chicken soup and told me off for staying up late and not eating well. It's her way of showing she cares. When the mother-daughter bond isn't there, it gets kind of awkward for both her and me, if she were to to lovingly stroke my hair or pat a shoulder or even keep a reassuring arm around me. It's sad I suppose, but it's true.

Later on, those papercut areas progressed into pimple-like bumps on the inside of my vagina lips. There were only like 2 or 3 very small bumps among the cuts at first...then it began getting painful when I walked. There was an itchy and smelly discharge flowing out of me too (you think that's disgusting as an image? Oh you bet it is. Now try imagining it flowing out of you. That new feeling of disgust? That's what I felt). My mom (poor unsuspecting mom..doesnt know I'm sexually active. Although she did discover a pack of condoms maybe early last yr in my stuff so she may assume I've done it once or twice), she suggested I wear a sanitary pad to soak up the discharge so I dont spoil my underwear every half hour or so. I did that. It wasn't comfortable but it was somewhat of an improvement, in that it soaked up the worst of the discharge although the feeling of the pad against my vagina was quite painful. And then began the pain whenever I made the smallest of moves. If the muscles down there were affected by any movement i made, it would give off this sharp pinprick of pain. Sometimes it was just the one pinprick of stinging, but then sometimes, it would be a handful. I can't decide if it's annoying or painful, or both. Most probably, it's both.