I have been trying to date. I am upfront and honest when I contact someone about me having genital herpes. They ALWAYS shy away. I can't blame them, I wouldn't want to give anyone herpes. I wasn't told before I was exposed to it, but I will tell any possible sexual partner. So here's my dilemma..I can't find a sex partner. I found herpes dating site but no takers..yet. I keep hoping that someday I can have sex again.
How do you deal with the rejection?
A diagnosis for genital herpes can result in us to come to feel as though we certainly have lost our footing in life.
STD Dating Teams makes it possible for you keep your identity in top secret while you might be attending to know a possible spouse, with no giving any private info. You can check out STDpal,com. It is such online dating site for STD singles and friends!.
Hey man, I'm curious... at what point do you tell the person you have Herpes? Is it right out of the gates? Or is it when sex is imminent?
I only ask because if you're telling the person RIGHT up front, I can understand why you're having a hard time finding someone understanding. You're basically saying, "Hi. I'm so and so. And the most important thing about me is Herpes, because that's what I'm choosing to present first."
I'm definitely not telling you to wait until things get hot to tell someone... that leads to poor decisions. You'd be amazed at what some people are ok with once they're already horny. But what I am saying is to let people get to know YOU first. Keep it casual for a while. Keep sex on the back burner. Get to know this other person, and let them get to know you. Go on dates, discuss movies, politics, whatever. Let them develop an opinion of YOU.
After that, if their opinion is positive and you can sense fondness growing, wait until the right time to have the "Herpes talk" with them. They may still react negatively, but at least they're considering the whole package before rejecting you. Present your Herpes the way it should be: It's a small facet of your life. An important one, yes, but not an all-encompassing one. If you were sterile, would you broadcast that up front? Of course not. For some women, someday having children may be crucial to them, so one would argue that it's definitely something that needs to be made clear... but it's not something that you present upon meeting someone. You get the idea.
I know it's tough because you haven't been laid in a while. I truly understand. But don't make sex the priority. That's what gets a lot of people infected with Herpes in the first place. Plus, I really want you to find someone good for you. Not just a fling. Hang in there.
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Herpes has had a profound effect on me. I know this is not the answer you are looking for: if another person told me herpes didn’t matter, I would run. You may wish to try these dating services for partners that are infected with herpes. I see people frequently trying to promote their service on this site.
Like you, the person who infected me didn’t tell me he had herpes. It was in the second year of our relationship that I became infected. He was a physician and denied having any STDs before beginning our relationship several months earlier. The relationship ended due to lack of trust thereafter. In hindsight, I should have taken legal action for medical and emotional damages. Most states allow innocent victims to pursue civil action. HPV-2 costs me roughly $300 per month.
For several years, I thought I would pursue another relationship telling myself if another person cared about me herpes wouldn’t matter. As I acknowledge my feelings of resent over being infected and living with the constant outbreaks years later (weakened immune system), I realized that I would be just as bad (despite disclosing it ) for gambling with another person’s health like the person did with me. A condom is only 30% effective and antiviral drugs are 49% effective. There is no 100% magic bullet.
Even with an infected partner, I still have the issue of other STDs such as the HPV strains weakening my immune system even further. I also decided that I was going to learn how to live alone, be whole and be happy. I spend days alone but I am not lonely. I have two friends that I can speak my truth to. I also have a spiritual belief and ritual.
In the process, I can no longer relate to relationship problems that people have with their partners. The idea of looking for a soul mate (outside of yourself to make you whole inside) to me is just an excuse to get another STD. Personally, I don’t want to take care of someone else or have them look to me for their happiness. I have my own plans and so many years left to accomplish them.
These years enabled me to focus on the present as well as lay the foundation for me to enjoy the future as long as my health continues. It also created the need for healthy boundaries which obviously I didn’t have at the time of my last relationship. I have freedom that I never had before. My last parent recently passed and my offspring is financially independent from me (not too happy about it). While this was not the road that I envisioned for myself years earlier and a less travelled one for most persons, it is turning out to be a rewarding one. Good luck to you with your journey.