2nd Outbreak

By Sarah H Tuesday, June 30, 2009

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I am having a difficult time at the moment. Everything seemed so perfect almost a month ago, and now it feels like everything is falling apart on me. About a month ago I told my guy that I had genital herpes, and he responded unbelievably well. Well, everything fell apart within a week; this last week to be exact. I'm not sure what happened. To be honest, I feel he couldn't take me having genital herpes. I could tell he was getting frustrated that we were not having sex. He got distant, and then we just stopped talking. We only dated for 3 months. I have lost boyfriends after a year, and I haven't been this torn up about a break up. But, I think it is difficult because I feel we ended due to the herpes. I know I'll be ok, and I was dealing with the break up well until this morning. I noticed I am having my 2nd outbreak. I feel it is life's sick way of rubbing it in my face on why he ran away. I'm sure it is the stress I have been going through, plus I have turned to candy to sooth my wounds which isn't the best food to be eating. But, why did this have to happen now. I was getting to the point where I was ok with having this virus, and at this moment, I feel like I'm back to square one of hating myself. I also don't know if I should go fill my antivirals for this outbreak. To be honest, I am really embarrassed to go to the pharmacy, and I feel like I should just ride this outbreak out. Right now it is just one bump, but I would hate for it to get worse when I could have helped it by getting on antivirals. I need some encouraging words. I know things will get better within time, but right now I'm feeling so down and hopeless.

Comments (20) | Add comment

christina

6/30/09 11:14am

the second break out is probably because of the stress. remember, when going to the pharmacy, medication used for herpes is also the same for people who have shingles or chicken pox or other thigns such as this so the pharmacy shouldn't automatically jump to herpes. i'm sorry about your guy but the one who will love you for you will be able to deal with this head on and not run from it like maybe your guy has done. i would save yourself some pain and go to the pharmacy. it will at least make life a little bit easier for you in this tough time.

Steve

7/ 2/09 1:31am

Go get the antivirals. There's nothing worse than realizing that a lot of pain and worrying could have been avoided. Plus, riding it out could take a couple weeks or more.

lady

7/ 4/09 11:54pm

Any guy that would dump you because he can't have sex for a few days during a recurrence is lousy boyfriend material!! Would he do the same thing if you had a cold? Or were carrying his child and couldn't have sex because you were on bed rest? Please don't let this fool get to you!! As for the pharmacy, find one with a drive thru!! Good luck!! You will be fine.

marlalovestoshop

7/11/09 6:22pm

The other lady was right go threw the drive threw and get the meds so you don't have to be in constant pain, who wants that right. Don't punish yourself you were the victim not him. Sounds like Mr. Selffish should be voted off the planet with the same selffish guy who gave it to you find one that cares..... Sincerly, Marla

Happy in spite of this

7/12/09 12:45pm

I was diagnosed at age 17. I am now 48. It's been a lifelong battle. I get frequent outbreaks. I was married for 18 years to a man who accepted me as I am. It was never a relationship issue at all. He loved me.... Now we're divorced. I was getting involved with a man over the past month. I told him from the beginning my situation. He told me it made no difference at all. That was before we were intimate. Afterwards, he pulled away, wouldn't communicate with me at all about it. Just said he was having a hard time with it. It ended with that. I was, still am, devastated. Everyone here is right... no person who would dump you because of this is worthy of your love. It is such a small part of who we are. This guy asked me, "So, how often are you out of commission?" I thought it was so cold.... I cried and cried for days. We have to work hard to remember that this does NOT define who we are! Get your medication, get your rest, and take heart! This can a fantastic gate keeper. The keepers will stay...

Julian

9/10/09 3:49am

A few months ago, I ended a relationship with someone who finally told me she had herpes. Before you begin to hate me for doing this, please read the full story.

We met about a year and a half ago and our courtship was very special to me. I really made an effort to show her how good of a person I felt I am and how much I cared for her. There was never anything she couldn't ask me that I wouldn't have done. She also supported me in any way I needed. We made it a point, from the start, to express how important trust was. I never lied to her. There WERE times that her insecurities got the best of her and she became difficult towards me... for NO good reason whatsoever. I always approached these issues with patience, never with anger. As many times as she became difficult, she would always apologize afterwards and accept full blame. Despite how draining it was, it was an issue that I was always willing to work through... these insecurities of hers.

Then came the bombshell.... she finally told me she had herpes. Remember, we had been together for MORE than a YEAR when she finally told me. Except for a few times at the start, we always had unprotected sex. It was a week or so after we started to be sexually active that she told me she began taking birth control and that we didn't have to use a condom, I told her, "I'm totally clean." She assured me that she was as well. She wasn't. When she finally told me, she had a hard time doing so, and I sympathize with her for that. She was a woman that I loved and trusted but I felt betrayed enough to end the relationship. Naturally, I got myself tested... I'm negative. I couldn't believe it, so I got tested AGAIN after a few weeks. Still negative. I plan to get tested again in a month or so.

She didn't take the breakup well. She began telling me I didn't love her enough and that she was angry at me for deciding to end the relationship with her. She would tell me things like, "You better be sure about this, because I won't take you back if you called me in a few months!" and "I can't understand why you want to leave... YOU'RE NOT INFECTED!!" She eventually also became verbally abusive. Even though I know it all comes from being hurt and in pain, I now see her as a confused and immature person who perhaps has some emotional issues. I feel I wasted more than a year of my life.

Sometimes, the thing that gets me is that if she had told me this from the start, BEFORE we became sexually active, I would have researched what it meant and HOW we could still be together. But she didn't. Instead, she chose to deceive me and make decisions on MY health for ME. There is no way I could let that go. There have been a few people I confide this to who tell me I was 100% correct in my decision, but don't get me wrong... it's not like I made the decision and have forgotten about her. I truly loved her, so this whole thing still hurts. I sympathize with her situation, but not her neglect.

I hope this helps.... in some way. Please feel free to email.

Anonymous

9/13/09 12:21am

I can understand why you made the painful decision to leave her. She was dishonest. Period. I am having the opposite problem. I told my guy right away that my ex husband had herpes, and that, even though I had tested negative, I might still end up with the active virus. Well, I did turn up positive eventually. It's 2 years later, and there has been no sexual contact of any kind in that time. I love him, but it's getting harder and harder to be happy with someone who doesn't even touch you anymore...We are living a lie for the sake of convenience and financial stability. Some love...

bryan

2/23/11 12:50am

This same situation has happened with me almost exactly. Except of course, that I have been waffling back and forth on if we should be together. We have since continued the relationship on a non sexual basis..

The guilt trip was there when I told her I didn't want to see her and she automatically told me I was callous and must not have ever cared for her if I could just end it like that.

Basically right now I guess we're together based off me trying to defend my character or something and I'm just realizing it. It's very complicated and I'm very confused. I know that no one can tell me to end it but deep down it's what I want to do when we are not together.

Questions

Comments

Concerns

I'd just like to talk about it

Sarah H

2/23/11 9:45am

Bryan,

It is your choice to stay with her or not. You are not a bad person if you do not want to stay with her because she has the virus. I told my partners so that they can make the decision I wasn't able to. To be honest, I don't know how I would have reacted if I didn't have the virus but someone I dated told me they did. Its a big decision. Don't feel bad if you decide to walk away. Everyone is different. I told one guy, and he eventually walked away. The second guy I told end up being my husband. So, you just decide what is right for you.

bryan

2/23/11 9:32pm

Hey Sarah,

I appreciate your point of view and your honesty to your partners. It would be very difficult and it's commendable for sure.

My girlfriend is very sweet and thoughful besides her little omition and those attributes along with her other positives are really the only thing that keeps us "together" at this point. I just can't get over it and even though I told her that I forgave her but would never forget it, I still haven't been able to really move past it. So I suppose I'll just have to man up on this one. I really hate to break her heart, better now than later I guess.

Clean healthy livin'

9/12/09 9:21pm

Any healthy man should run from you.

You are diseased.

Anonymous

11/19/09 9:52pm

i know exactly what you mean i felt exactly the same way i even got depressed and stop sleeping , but luckly some one close to me was there for me saying it will get better dont worry about and they helped me through it so hang in there it will get better and u will find a person who wont care about that and will stick by u no matter what !

Anonymous

11/25/09 9:42pm

Please take your medicine. It helps stpo the virus from replicating, so you will have fewer outbreaks. It will probably get better over time. I haven't had an outbreak for years:)

I am sorry

11/30/09 10:28am

Hi medicine,

I am newly diagnosed with herpes, I felt very depressed, and I felt very sorry to my wife.... and I cried the whole day (though I am a man).... I am really sorry, but I don't know how I get the herpes....

I am confused, and I don't know what to do. ... May I know how you could stay without outbreak for years... can you share with me?

thanks a lot.

Anonymous

11/30/09 12:41pm

First of all, let go of the guilt, it is not helping you get well. Maybe you did something stupid, but who has never done anything stupid? It's OK. Relax. Second we have medicine for this. It is not a cure, but it will keep you from being in pain. Just keep in mind, you might still be contagious. Take acyclovir or valtrex. It's that simple. It works. Stop feeling guilty. It's a virus. Would you feel guilty if you got a cold? I wish you the best. It will get better

Lyzette

12/23/09 2:06am

Comparing Herpes to a Cold is just plain ignorant. I'm sorry you have herpes, but don't be so passive about it. Its people like you that make weaker-minded individuals think it's ok to sleep with others and not tell them they're infected.

Anonymous

12/23/09 1:03pm

I am not ignorant dear. I have a master's degree in biotechnology. It is a virus. Of course it is not OK to deceive another person. Keep in mind that a lot of people were deceived who got the virus, so why should they feel guilty about it? It is something that happens in nature, so instead of all the guilt and hiding things, maybe some calm thinking would allow people to be more honest. In my opinion the guilt makes it worse instead of calmly facing facts.

Lyzette

12/23/09 3:57pm

Yes, you are correct. A person who was decieved should not feel guilty, they have no reason to. What I have a problem with is people who don't take this as seriously as they should and go about infecting other people or sleeping with people and not telling them they carry this virus. It is unforgivable when someone knowingly takes a risk with someone else's health.

The HSV virus isn't comparable to a cold virus though, and to think so IS ignorant. You may not be ignorant, but your comment sure is. HSV is something that stays with you your entire life and can pose serious heath risks as well as emotional stress and social problems associated with it. Imagine if a woman unknowingly contracted the HSV virus... aside from having to deal with the issues personally, she now has to deal with it affecting her child. As I'm sure you know, it can greatly affect her child since she now is at risk to pass it on during birth. Let's also not forget the link HSV has with viral meningitis, a disease that affects the brain. Yes, this is an extreme case, but nevertheless, it is still there and shouldn't be dismissed.

While I sympathize with anyone who has to deal with this virus, let's not dumb it down and make it seem like it's no big deal. Yes, there are treatments and medications you can take to control outbreaks, so please do so.

But please people, be responsible. Tell potential partners if you carry this virus.

I am Sorry

1/17/10 6:48pm

Hi all,

My wife has shown all symptoms of genital herpes before I could tell her, I get medicine from the doctor and she is fine now. From the observation, she has the first outbreak, but she didn't notice it.

I decided not to tell her, not because I am selfish or what, it is because I don't want her to be unhappy. She is just 25 years old, I don't want her to feel like a freak (like what I felt when I first got to know I got genital herpes too).

I agree with some of the articles that genital herpes is more to social stigma than an illness. I want her to feel like a normal person, I don't her to feel like she is "different from others.

Sorry guys, I know you all want me to tell her... but i am very sure she has got it too... I AM SORRY.... I am very sorry.... but think this is the best I could think of for her...

I will tell you more later....

Anonymous

2/23/10 7:21pm

Hi-I'm 24 years old now and I have it myself sense I was 22 years old. Everyone on this page is write- and I cry for each suggestion to this lady's question. When I first found out I had it all I did is cry, because I thought "how could this happen to me" I have a little girl-and I just thought "I'm going to die". I told mine bf and he understood-even though he was very mad (i had slept with someone else when bf and I was broken up and month later went back to bf) he said that he loved me and its not about sex to him. We are currently still together. I also told my baby dad and he understood, and said he still love me. My family all care and I respect that. I get a outbreak probably twice a year. For the pharmacy I wouldn't know what to do, because I would fill embarrased too-but ladies saying the drive thru is the best one I would have done too. I want to thank you all for just not judging us-we aren't looking for sypathy-we all makes mistakes, some get by and others just have to live with them.

2nd Outbreak

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