I was diagnosed with herpes 3 days ago. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with my first love. And right away I met an older man who went to extremes to treat me better than anyone ever has and quickly I fell in love with him. I had just got tested before him and I had nothing. Unfortunately I believed him when he told me that he loved me and I was the only one...2 days before my outbreak I found out that he has been cheating and I am almost 100% sure that he knew he had it...the worst part is he told me he didn't have anything, he refused to use protection even with me begging him to (and I know I shouldn't have done anything without protection but being young and in love I trusted him and believed all his lies), and he started to ignore me as soon as he knew I was at the doctors and they were going to test me. I am having the hardest time accepting this, I know it is not the end of the world and it could be worse but I don't understand how someone could do that. I feel like I have just cut myself short...I'm only 20 years old and I am so scared of how this could change my life and to top it all off I feel like this is all my fault...I could really use a friend right now, I'm not comfortable telling anyone I know and to my knowledge none of my friends would understand what I am going through. So if anyone is here for me to talk to please let me know, I know I just found out about this but I could be here for you if you need someone as well.
Unfortunately, your story is too common. Several years ago I was completely devastated when I was infected with genital herpes during the second year of a relationship with a physician. With close friends, I can truly laugh at my stupidity when a suspecting doctor told me my then boyfriend had herpes after I told him my boyfriend was a doctor, we discussed STDs four months before starting a sexual relationship (and assured me he had none); I didn’t believe my treating physician (it actually turned out not to be herpes that time; I was infected six month later). He still lied after I had this discussion with him. He alleged that he could not infect a partner with asymptomatic herpes despite articles in the Journal American Medical Association and the New York Times in the early 2000s stating otherwise; he subscribed to both. The relationship deteriorated from lack of trust. In hindsight, I feel that he didn’t care (he has had multiple relationships since). I didn’t know at the time that I could pursue taking civil action for damages. Most states allow victims to pursue damages within a period of time (usually two years). Check out this website: http://stdlawsuit.com/. Medical records can be subpoenaed as well as his prior relationships. Unfortunately, I have health issues caused by herpes and live with constant outbreaks years later; I regret not doing so. It is expensive to treat even with medical insurance.
Unfortunately, herpes never goes away. According to an article in the New York Times, http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/giving-your-partner-herpes/, a condom alone is roughly 30% effective. Antiviral drugs alone are roughly 49% effective. 70% of persons are infected by partners without any symptoms. I have not had a relationship since. I do not want to transfer this virus to another person. However, many infected persons share that they have wonderful relationships with uninfected partners. Having herpes made them much more selective coupled with the courage to discuss it with a potential partner, allowed them to find someone who really cared about them. I think anyone with herpes has to recognize that potential partners may not be interested in risking their health and will pass on it. Think about the type of partners that would not appeal to you, i.e., heavy drinker, gambler, eats poorly…it’s really the same. In the early stages of herpes even on antiviral drugs, you are very contagious. This is a great opportunity to become the person you want to become; you have many years in front of you. Live a healthy life style. Herpes taught me that if I speak my truth (don’t do things that I don’t want to do) and walk away, I am taking good care of myself.
One final thing, it will amaze how many persons you know already have herpes. I can remember talking to someone and she disclosed her husband infected her in the 7th year of their marriage. He alleged that he did not he was infected with the virus; however, it does strain their marriage because she has her doubts. Her comment was that a few of her girlfriends were also infected with the virus. It's more common that you think. Good luck to you and take good care of yourself.