Never Too Cute For The Herpes Monster

I am a 30 year old african american female. I have had this monster since i was about 18 19 years old. I have had these ugly outbreaks on my mouth for as long as I can remember. I feel on top of the world when I don't have these outbreaks. I am very out going, involved in the P.T.O. at my son school, etc. When i feel the tingle, I try everything for it not to come to it's ugly head, but Ithe monster doesn't care it disfigures my lip anyway.

I am in a relationship and just this morning he wouldn't even stay hard long enough to perform. This really made me feel like a nasty loser. I get so depressed when I look this way. I stay in the house as much as I can. I try to ward off friends and family members with lies so they wont see me like this. It is so bad that I can't cover it up because it is so big that nothings works. It just makes it worst. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It's like everything causes a outbreak. I got a massage over the weekend and almost 30 minutes later I was in outbreak stage at a casino. I learned that this monster lays dormant at the base of your spine and if triggered it causes a outbreak. I can't win. So by getting the massage it turned into depression instead of relaxation. I try to do something for relaxtion and this happens. That will be my last massage ever in life. That is so crazy to me.  

I don't know what to do. There is so much stuff on the net that I don't even know where to begin. Cleansers, MMS, topical this and that, take this herb, don't take that. Lysine, apple cidar vinegar, no chocalate, nuts carbo drinks. I need something. And everything is so expensive cause I see that alot of people suffer from this. It has to be a cure for this some where. If the labs can create HIV/AIDS then why wouldn't they want to help the majority of americans. I can't take it!

This wound on my lip is going to take forever to go away. Then after this I have to deal with the scarring that comes with it. So that means weeks and months of concealer & lipstick. I hate this so badlyto the point were it sickens me. My child has seen me with this since birth. I have been asked by my child mommy what is that? All I can say is don't worry about it. How do you tell your eight year old that mommy made some thoughtless decisions a long time ago and this is the result of it. I know one day it will be revealed in health class, i guess I have some years for that. It seems when I have this he hugs me more and kisses me on the cheek almost like to say mommy I know you are going through something but I love you anyway. That's is only thing that keeps me going during these depressed times.  

Craziest part about it is I remember when I contracted this almost immediately after. My mouth felt funny and everything.But back then I didn't think anything of it. The monster has definetely changed over the years as far as outbreaks and locations. It seems it gets stronger and stay longer. It seems it gets immune to creams and oils etc. I currently get outbreaks on 3 different places on my mouth at different times. One of them actually comes on my face right above my lip. That scar almost never goes away. So how do you function normally, how do I go food shopping, how do I handle my important business outside of the house if I have this ugly outbreak that just wont go away ever. I don't like people to see me this way, and I won't let people see me this way. I have been in the house almost a whole week except for when I speed walk my child to and from school.