Herpes and Parents

By silver_linging Friday, January 09, 2009

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So...I am kind of freaking out because when I was first tested 4 days ago, my parents saw my Valtrex prescription and immediately got suspicious. Like I have mentioned in my previous post, I suffered from an HPV infection last year and they never got a clear story on that, but they knew that's what I had. For that reason, I think this newest development has them even more on the defensive. They haven't asked me about it (yet) but they've been acting strange around me ever since. Last night my father started grilling me about what cream I was intending to use (my doctor also prescribed Zovirax cream but I decided not to buy it because research proves it relatively ineffective) and what the ingredients were (for now they are under the impression that the cream is for HPV sores). I freaked out and told him "oh just some eseential oils I found on a website that are supposed to help with healing sores". He demanded I show him the website. Now I am scared because I have to find a website that talks about these oils without "WHAT YOU NEED TO PREVENT HERPES" written on it.

Maybe my fear of my parents finding out is irrational. If anyone is to be accepting of me and my newest condition, it should be them right? It's not that I think they will disown me. It's just that I am afraid of letting them down. They have high expectations for me...although most of them are ridiculous. They are also extremely over protective (eg. a boy is not even allowed in my room for more than 5 min before my mother starts eyeing me and giving me "time to go" signs). In their eyes, I'm just their baby girl who hasn't a clue what sex is about even though I'm an adult (21) and am more aware than I ever wanted to be.

My question is, what were you experiences telling your parents about herpes? Have any of you decided it is best to not confide this information to them? And if so, do you find it adds stress to your situation or has created a further divide in your relationship?

I'm not exactly close to my parents but I'm not estranged from them either. After all we all live in the same house--at least when school is not in session. I have 2 more weeks until school starts. I can't stop thinking about what would happen if the truth came out during that time. Thoughts? Advice? As always, thanks!

Comments (8) | Add comment

Happy

1/ 9/09 9:23pm

Hi Silver_linging,

Thank you for posting this. I too live at home, I'm 22, and I'm terrified to tell my parents. I love them to death but am really scared they will think I'm super contageous and not want to be near me. So needless to say, for the time being I have remained in my own little Valtrex world...scared out of my mind. To make matters worse, I think I'm having my second outbreak (not too sure if it's just discomfort because it only hurts during sex). I don't know what the best idea is (to tell parents or not). When I feel really alone and in pain, I think to myself...they would be supportive, they love me...nothing will change. But then I think about the flipside, what if it doesn't go well - and ultimately the flipside wins and I continue living in isolation. Hiding prescriptions from them isn't fun either. I know my mom is suspicious because during my initial outbreak I had to go to the doctor 3 times in 2 weeks plus I was really angry and uncomfortable. But she never asked since. I hate not telling them what is going on in my life; I am very close with my parents and this definitely adds stress to the situation. But they aren't really big fans of my boyfriend, if I tell them about this (since there is a huge possibility that he gave this to me) - they may go crazy. I hope someone out there does have an encouraging story because I am completely in the same boat as you; not knowing if telling them will help or harm our relationship.

I wish you all the luck in this diffucult journey. And if you do decide to tell them, and are willing to share the experience, please do let us know how it goes!

Take care

silver_linging

1/ 9/09 10:22pm

So glad you can relate! I feel like there are so many young people suffering from this right now. It's amazing. I can't understand how this continues to be such a stigma when obviously our generation is hitting this pretty hard (not to say older generations aren't also suffering..they definitely had it worse than us!).

I am now even more confused because my dad is a dentist, fairly familiar in the medical field. So today he came home with latex gloves, green tea, a list of immune building foods, and for the last three days has been making soups with stuff like garlic, shittake mushrooms and other "pro herpes" foods. WHAT? I mean I know my mom is sick with a bad cold too and these things are good for building the immune system in general..but it's almost like he knows and is waiting for me to say something =X Problem is, if and when I reveal this to my parents, it's not going to be to my dad. I could never! For some reason it's much easier telling my mom about these things.

Anyway, I wish you luck and I'll let you know if I take the plunge. In the meantime I'd love other comments from more experienced people (pleaaase? ).

Oh and as a side note...you're having sex this soon after an outbreak?!? I don't know how long you've had the virus but I've heard during at least the first 3 months you should take it really easy. Your body is dealing with so much right now and sex can activate another outbreak in some women. I mean...if you think about it...sex shakes things up down there. So it makes sense...though it sucks dealing with that and a boyfriend.

Happy

1/10/09 8:32am

Hey again, just a quick response to a few things you mentioned. Even if it might be uncomfortable it is a good sign that your dad will likely be supportive and try to help you. I definitely dont think I'll get the same response from my dad.

As for sex soon after, I only want to mention this because it is a myth! My first outbreak was in November and that was one of the questions I had for my doctor(does sex trigger outbreaks) and she said "absolutely not". If you feel discomfort then stop evidently, but the two (according to her) are not related. As long as you aren't having an outbreak, having sex isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as both people know the risks and want to engage in it (considering it is my boyfriend, he knows whats going on). Not trying to sound crazy here, just thought I'd pass along what I was told. I'm still relatively new to this too, so additional information in my eyes is always welcomed :)

Take care and keep smiling :)

silver_linging

1/10/09 2:59pm

Really? People on other forums have said sex triggers outbreaks for them. I guess it depends on the person. For me, sex has always been an issue because...let's just say I'm very "delicate"...haha. But for your sake I hope that's not what the problem is!

Thanks and don't stop smiling either

Sam

1/15/09 8:48pm

It seems like your parents were a little bit too overprotective of you and yet you still have suffered from things that they couldn't protect you from. They have to recognize that you are an adult, not a little girl. It is not fair for them to have such high expectations of you, this is unhealthy on their part and may have contributed to what happened to you. Expectations-they could expect you to jump over the moon and if you couldn't, you would feel like a failure in their eyes and this is just plain wrong. What is wrong with THEM that they couldn't save you from the person who gave you the hpv infection? Being overprotective is not useful, being informed is. This is none of their business. They could have it too, since they know what valtrex is for. You don't need suspicion on top of what you are going through.

You can get this into remission without drugs-the drugs make it so that your body never learns how to deal with the virus-and you have to keep taking the drugs and this is how the drug companies make money. (This is only my experience and opinion) Emotions play a role in this. I hope you are being kind to yourself. This is not your fault and it is extremely common. Know that there are kind and understanding people out there. You can do simple things to keep the virus in check-avoid peanuts. Eat chocolate in small amounts only until your body adapts. You can drink pear juice, which has anti-herpetic compounds. Lemon balm tea or any of the mint teas will help fight this. You can also drink lavender tea and use lavender oil on the sores. Take a b vitamin supplement. Eat oat meal or drink oat milk (which you can make by soaking oatmeal in hot water and straining the oatmeal out of it)

I hope your parents can grow up-it seems like you are more of an adult than they are. And find someone truly supportive and non-suspicous that you can talk to openly without being afraid. My prayers are with you in your healing path.

silver_linging

1/18/09 8:46pm

Thank you so much for the response! I am now pretty much 100% convinced I will not be telling my parents about this. They just wouldn't be able to handle it. And I agree...it's sad and pretty childish. But of course they wouldn't see it that way. I am really divided as to what treatment to use. Part of me doesn't want to take the medication because I don't want to be hooked for the rest of my life. I know drug companies are shady and only out to get money. But at the same time, I am so scared of getting another outbreak. My first one was so horrible I stayed up crying the entire night O_O Whenever I feel the slightest tingle or itch I take Lysine and recently I got some other supplements that are supposed to help. This weekend I went out drinking and partying for the first time since I was diagnosed. Plus I ate a bunch of chocolate and got very little sleep...basically did everything you aren't supposed to do to prevent an outbreak. I was so paranoid of getting one that I took 2 acyclovir pills, plus lysine. I feel better today (physically) but I also feel like my body will not learn how to handle this. I already have a very weak immune system (years of bad sleep, weird appetite/diet etc). I heard oatmeal is really bad for herpes because it's full of arginine :( I don't know...there are 1000 theories as to how to best handle the situation. I wish dealing with this wasn't so complicated. I guess I'm going to have to make a few mistakes before I find the right answer. But I just don't feel like dealing with it. Medication is sadly the easy way out. But I will definitely take your words into consideration!

tslow87

1/18/09 6:35pm

i can def relate to you and your story, i just turned 21 in dec and was diagnosed with herpes this january, the only person that knows so far is a good friend of mine who came to my doctor with me. my mom started to get kinda suspicious when she saw that i had to go to 2 doctors (my family doctor, who diagnosed me with a UTI, and my gyno who took blood and a culture for herpes) she also got suspicious when she was washing my laundry and noticed that i had some discharge on my panties but i told her that was because of the UTI, but i havent told my parents yet either, im afraid im going to disappoint them, honestly when i found out i had herpes i would have rather found out i was pregnant, or failed a class or something. i have yet to tell my ex boyfriend since we're both off at college right now since school has started back, im scared he'll think i got if from someone else since i doubt he's had any symptoms and prob doesnt know he might have the virus. i do have a question for you though, i havent started taking meds yet, were yours really expensive? i have health insurance but im still afraid to go get them filled.

silver_linging

1/18/09 8:36pm

I'm sorry you've joined this mess. It sucks..but it gets better. The hardest part is not blaming yourself, and realizing that people will just have to accept you the way you are. After all, you're still the same person. You just have a stupid skin condition that keeps you from being as carefree as maybe you would like. Actually..maybe it's a good thing. Now whoever you are with intimately, will have to like you for YOU, and not just for sex. Because they'll be taking a risk, just like you did after getting involved with someone. I think you should just be honest with your ex, and tell him all the facts. Don't sound scared about it. Be confident and tell him that he needs to get a blood test (he needs to get a type specific test. I think they are called IGG...the tests aren't offered everywhere and aren't a part of normal STD testing..which is perhaps why this disease goes around so easily. Some 80% of the people who have it, have no clue! So they keep spreading it) The guy that gave it to me has/had no symptoms either. Lucky bastard (haha)! He just got tested and got positive results. I think he feels horrible but it's really no one's fault in this situation. Both of us used protection and neither of us knew. In response to your question, you can get a generic form of Zovirax at Walmart or Target for 4 dollars. Yes, very cheap! Ask your doctor and they will probably have no problem prescribing it (my doctor tried at first to prescribe Valtrex..$170. Ridiculous! It does the same thing as the other one. Just a different dosage). You can also try taking Lysine supplements to boost your immune system and balance against high arginine foods (arginine foods "help" the herpes virus stick around during an outbreak and could cause one to happen. here's a link with a list of foods: http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/diet_and_nutrition_with_herpes.htm). Take care and if you ever have questions feel free to PM me!

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