My life wasn't what anyone would call extra special or extra horrible, I had good times and bad. I had questioned my existence in this world when I was around 5 or 6 years old. By then I had thought that I had no purpose in life, but I am still here.

Around the age of 6 I tried to commit suicide, I hung my blanky from my bunkbed and continually tried to end my life, I kept trying until I was 17 though the methods had changed to rope and knives and pills, my parents never knew until I was 18, but I am still here.

I joined the army, went to war, I had so many close calls for 5 years. Guns being shot by accident my way, explosions hitting the vehicle, almost ran over by a bradly tank, snipers shooting at me, rockets launched at me, people shooting their AK-47's at me. My sqaud leader died, 2 other men died from my company, but I am here.

I come home from the war and find out what PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is and I start becoming suicidal again, but Im here.

I come home after getting out of the army and my first relationship in years goes to hell because Im so paranoid, I made her cry, I made myself cry and put myself into depression. But Im still here.

I get into another relationship and the woman lies, cheats, and breaks my heart and I keep going back to her.  I go out after the final break up and get drunk and have sex with a girl I know, she ends up giving me herpes. Then I get back with my recent ex, I dont know I have herpes but my ex ends up having something but she wont tell me exactly what it is. I have to wait six months for the HIV test to read correctly, I have Genital Herpes and I might have HIV. I wonder why Im still here.

I think about everything I have survived and I wonder if it all was supposed to lead up to this. I don't know what to do, I'm alone. All I can do is laugh. Its the only thing that keeps my tears away.

-K