Having trouble with the dating scene.

Written by

Wed, June 25, 2008

Would any single guys or gals like to talk about the troubles with dating?

I've had genital herpes for 9 years. I got it from my first sexual partner when I was 19. I feel a lot of anxiety when it comes to dating because I don't want to be rejected. No matter how many times I've told someone, it never gets any easier. I usually choose not to get too close to someone because I don't want to have to tell them.

I would love to have pen-pals to talk about this issue with, and to lend support to eachother.

Becky

Comments (10) | Add comment

Notify me when there are new comments

marie**

6/27/08 1:32am

i have had herpes for 2 1/2 years. i am with the same guy who i was with when i found out i had herpes but he has never had symptoms before that or since then. he is convinced i didnt get it from him. i worry alot that maybe i only stay with him because he accepts me with herpes and i will never find anyone else. it scares me to think about dating and having to tell people. do u ever feel like u are "damaged goods" and not as good as people without herpes?

Becky

6/27/08 9:34am

I was in the same situation after I got herpes. I stayed with him for about a year afterwards, mostly because I thought no one would want to date me. Surprisingly, the next guy I dated actually came out and told me that he had herpes before I told him about me. That relationship didn't last either but the next guy I dated was very accepting, as has every other person I've told been. I think the main thing is that you make sure that the person you are going to tell is actually someone you trust. If they aren't trustworthy and worthwhile you wouldn't want to date them or sleep with them anyway, right? I completely understand where you are coming from. Eventhough I have never been rejected, it is never any easier when it comes time to tell another person. I just try to realize that this is something that I have, it doesn't control my life or make me less of a person. If someone isn't willing to accept it, they aren't worth my time anyway.

Becky

marie**

6/27/08 11:57pm

you make a very good point... a person's reaction to me having herpes would tell alot about them as a person. im glad to hear that you have dated and have met people understanding of ur situation. i havent told anyone and it bothers me to think that i dont have anyone in my life that i can trust enough to tell them or talk to them about it

?????

7/20/09 5:15pm

I am glad to hear your story. I was recently diagnosed about 2 months ago. I feel scared of dating because of fear of being rejected. I feel like I am damaged goods. I often feel like I don't want to date because I am not good enough, or worth being with someone that doesn't have it. Why would they want to be with some like me?

anonymous

6/29/08 10:35pm

Hi Becky,

I too have this problem, I was diagnosed 2 yr ago. I am older than you and was married for 10yrs. Single now for 5yrs. and honestly i feel sometimes i will never feel comfortable dating again. I don't know what to do.. just having people to talk to that know how your feeling helps. I do agree, that if they can't except you as you are, then they are'nt worth your time anyway. Even though i feel like it sometimes, i know its not the end of the world...i have alot to be thankful for... and i am sure you do as well...

Munch,

8/29/08 7:24am

Hiya Bekcy I am 17 and am having my first outbreak of what the doctor is 'assuming' is herpes as that is what it looks like. She has sent off for test results but they take three weeks.

I'm worried that this will ruin my life,, and am so confused about when i am and am not able to pass it on.

Can it be through kissing? Am I allowed to kiss if I am having a genital outbreak?

Anonymous

11/11/08 10:41am

When I found out I had forgot I even took the test and my boyfrined was right there to here it first hand, by the way I found out I was pregaunt to. He spazzed and ran out of the room, my heart broke I started crying and woundered how could I live onlike this having to tell everyone my most secret secret just so they would be fully informed. I can't help but to think about how they would react if they only knew but that is why I do not sleep with anyone except thouse who I know is understanding and trust worthy. I don't think I could ever tell just anyone because they want to slep with me, I'd rather make them beleive I rather not sleep with them. It seams easier when they think your just not interested.

Jeffery

1/ 8/09 8:36pm

I'd like to give you a herpes dating site http://www.stdslove.com. I have met my some special on it. Good luck

?????

7/20/09 5:12pm

Becky,

I am in the same boat as you. I was recently diagnosed only about 2 months ago but I still have a hard time. Especially thinking abiut dating. I feel the same way. I don't want to get close to anyone because I am so scared of their reactions and being rejected. I hear people talking about this disease all the time, they laugh and joke about it, and that really hurts me. So, I don't tell anyone about this. Only my mother and sister knows, and one of my close friends. But, I don't feel like I will ever find someone. I have had many people that wanted to date me since I contracted it but, all I think about is passing something on to them. I feel like my life is over and I don't want to ruin anyone else's life neither. I say to myself, why do you want to date me? I am infected with a disease that if with me for life. They don't know that I have it but I feel like they do. I get so sad when I see couples together because I always wonder will I ever have that type of love. Probably not. Who will want to be with me knowing that I am living with this? I am terrified that I will be alone for the remainder of my life. I need help. I really do.

tooscaredtotry

10/ 5/09 10:09pm

Hi Becky,

I feel the exact same way... I don't really know when mine was contracted... I was raped in college (I was a virgin). I was always told that I was tested for "everything," but never had a blood test, so I guess I was never tested until I had an outbreak, which was at the end of a really unhealthy relationship when I was 26. I told the guy I was with and he basically told me to drop off the planet and that he hated me, that I was a liar and that I did this on purpose. I suspect that I got it from him as he was unfaithful almost our entire time together. I feel so torn because I would love to date again but the thought of dealing with telling someone and getting rejected again is gut wrenching...

Having trouble with the dating scene.

Ask a Question