Emotional Break Up

Beauty28 Community Member December 03, 2009
  • I am a twenty eight year old female college student. I am a victim of rape and was diagnosed with herpes at seventeen. I just broke off a relationship that only lasted for two months because the guy couldnt deal with my issue. I was upfront about everything before he asked to be my boyfreind. Because he asked me to be his girl, I figured he was comfortable but it turns out that he wasn't. He was afraid to kiss me or have sex. His way of dealing with this was to crack jokes which hurt my feelings. He explained that it was his way of getting through the ordeal. I was always sad because I am a very affectionate person and he would'nt even hold my hand. He secretly went and got tested after he kissed me once.He figured we should get married if he was infected. This was the worse relationship ever, but also a learning experience although right now I feel like there is no hope for a beautiful relationship without someone being afraid to be affectionate. I dont know!! Should I have stayed in the relationship and been understanding of his fear and ignore the fact that I was uncomfortable?

4 Comments
  • Mat
    Mat
    Dec. 08, 2009

    You have to be strong and let me tell you that herpes is not the end of your dreams and normal life. Some people with herpes feel tained, I think this is wrong. My friend has genital herpes. And when she had relationship with a man (now her husband) she was afraid he would not accept her disease. When she finaly told him she had herpes, he reacted as if she...

    RHMLucky777

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    You have to be strong and let me tell you that herpes is not the end of your dreams and normal life. Some people with herpes feel tained, I think this is wrong. My friend has genital herpes. And when she had relationship with a man (now her husband) she was afraid he would not accept her disease. When she finaly told him she had herpes, he reacted as if she had a flu. Which means he loved her. I think you just have not met the right man. Try the dating sites for people who have the same problem. I'd recommend you http://www.stidatingclub.com/  it has thousands of people with herpes.

    • Beauty28
      Dec. 08, 2009

      Thank you, you do have a point. At first, I felt like I had no room to be picky anymore when meeting guys because of my ordeal. I realized that I still have a choice to what type of man I choose to be with for the rest of my life. My x made it seem as if I could'nt get anyone and that I was stuck with him, when in reality before he came along I was in...

      RHMLucky777

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      Thank you, you do have a point. At first, I felt like I had no room to be picky anymore when meeting guys because of my ordeal. I realized that I still have a choice to what type of man I choose to be with for the rest of my life. My x made it seem as if I could'nt get anyone and that I was stuck with him, when in reality before he came along I was in a long term relationship, 3 years to be exact and he acted as if my issue never existed. We broke up because of other reasons. This is actually the first time I've been rejected and it hit me pretty hard, not to say that I wasn't prepared for rejection. This breakup, I believe only happened to make me a stronger person.

  • Connie
    Dec. 06, 2009

    I know how you feel. I also contradicted herpes through rape and i have only dated one person since it and it was the same situation. He was at first the most amazing person. he said he accepted me and it would never change how he feels about me. Then after 4 months we decided to sleep together for the first time. Turns out he freaked out and went behind my...

    RHMLucky777

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    I know how you feel. I also contradicted herpes through rape and i have only dated one person since it and it was the same situation. He was at first the most amazing person. he said he accepted me and it would never change how he feels about me. Then after 4 months we decided to sleep together for the first time. Turns out he freaked out and went behind my back and got tested. He was fine. Then he noticed something a month later which he  thought was herpes. Freaked out again and got tested and once again was fine. He ended up getting an ingrown hair above his genitals from shaving. before he was told that he blamed me for everything and ended up treated me very badly. After all this he could never get over the fact again that there would always be a risk. It sucked and was very hard to go through. But you and I deserve to be with people who really care about us to where it will never ever be an issue. if you ever want to talk feel free to send me a message

  • Tiger
    Dec. 04, 2009

    I would say you did the right thing, because sooner or later you would have not been happy with someone that wasn't affectionate.  Hang in there, there are good people out there.