My Life Starting July 20, 2009

I found out two days ago that I most likely have herpes.  I was devestated, at only 19 that was not in my life plan.  I had everything going pretty much perfect, the perfect boyfriend, transfering to a new and better school, figuring out my future, life was great.  Three days ago was when I knew something wasn't right.  I just thought I had a cut because that's what it kind of looked like so I just brushed it off not thinking anything of it.  I made a doctors apt. cuz it looked like it was infected and I didn't know what to do.  Then I come to find out I most likely have herpes.  This is my first outbreak and I feel so uncomfortable alll the time, and sleeping isn't easy either.  I'll find out in a few days for sure when the test comes back but after hearing about everything on it and reading about it, that's what it sounds like.  I feel so lost and lonely, only a couple people know about it and they don't have any clue what I'm going through.  I just feel like crawling in a hole and staying there and never coming out.  I have a lot of the symptoms of it, the headaches, fever, anorexia(this one I hate the most because I am always eating and never gain anything off it, now I'm losing weight and hoping I don't get too skinny)  Do these symptoms come up every out break???  How many times am I going to have an out break and are they all as bad as the first one???  I'm only starting on day 3 of it but it feels like the longest 3 days of my life.