my first time having sex - i used a condom - i got herpes.

By aldoushuxley Saturday, February 13, 2010

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I got the diagnosis yesterday. What a shock this has all been. I'm a 24 year old guy and I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. I was a virgin when I met her but she wasn't, obviously. We have a great relationship and we really took the time to get to know each other before begining a sexual relationship. The first time we had sex was about 4 months ago. We were very responsible and ALWAYS used a condom. We had only had sex three times but we decide to go to the doctor to get some birth control pills to use in conjunction with the condoms because we wanted to be extra safe. Our only concern was her not getting pregnant. STD's never entered either of our minds. During the consultation the doctor performed some routine tests on her including a blood test, gave us the perscription for the pills, and told us to come back in 2 weeks. We had sex a few more times, again always using a condom. when we came back for the next appointment the doctor told us that my girlfriend had genital herpes, chlamydia, and HPV that had started to cause some precancerous changes in her cervix. it was unbelievable. he took a blood sample from me for testing and set a date for the next appointment in 2 weeks. The most depressing 2 weeks in my life. she had never experienced any symptoms in her life and didnt know she had any of the diseases. the first thing that came to my mind was "jeez i thought i knew this person. what the hell has she done in her past?" i drove myself crazy thinking about how many guys she may have been with and eventually we had a long conversation and she told me all. it was a shock to hear that she'd been with very few guys and had only had sex a total of 7 times before meeting me. the diagnosis was very hard for us to accept. i couldnt believe that the person I love was going to be stuck with this for the rest of her life. yesterday I went back to the doctor to get my results. i was pretty confident that I was clean since I had only ever had sex with her, I always used a condom, and we had only done it like 5 times. but i was WRONG. I have genital herpes and chlamydia. the chlamydia has infected my prostate and can potentially make it impossible for me to have kids in the future. chlamydia is treatable though and im taking a bunch of antibiotics right now. but the herpes will be with me for life. its so hard to take. i waited so long to loose my virginity, i waited for the right person, i used protection, and i still got screwed over. i feel totally tricked by the world. our society is so consumed by sex and its in your face everywhere you go and you feel the pressure to play along. being a guy i was ashamed to let anyone know i was a virgin at 24. i was afraid people would think i was weird, had a deformed penis, or that i was gay. but when i finally had the opportunity to have sex i contracted a life-long disease. i know that herpes is relatively harmless. its just a skin condition after all. its nothing life threatening like HIV but there is such a stigma against it. I am lucky to have my girlfriend. she's the love of my life and i see a great future for us but still its so hard to accept. i know that if we ever break up i'll never have sex again. i just wont do that to somebody else. i know she feels the same way. but then it starts to feel like....are we just going to stay together because our dating lives are done? i dont know. there are so many crazy emotions going on in my head. I used to think the "no sex till marriage people were crazy" but they were right. i wish i was still a virgin.

Comments (12) | Add comment

2/14/10 2:19pm

Wow im in shock. Ive heard that happening a few times. Condoms every time wow. I would be scared crapless & very pissed off at her. I am not buying the i didnt know i had nothing honestly. IF shes 24 to trust me she knew what she had. She had 3 sexually transmitted diseases!I am sure she had to have been treated for the clamidia. All i can say is i feel so bad for you. You waited tell u were 24 to have sex & now this. It would be a bit differant if u told me u didnt wear condoms but you did. If you need someone to chat with please hit me up thanks.

aldoushuxley

2/15/10 7:23am

no im not angry with her. she definately didnt know she had them. those three std's can go undetected for years from what the doctor said. we have never had any symptoms. how were either of us to know? its just really depressing to me knowing that I was being a responsible person and trying to protect myself and still got stuck with these diseases.

Browneyes1

2/15/10 10:58am

Hello, I just wanna say that I know that had to hit u hard. I think u two should stay together only if u are really happy with each other. Don't stay together just because u have to same disease because everyone out there are not ignorant jerks. So someone will accept you Herpes and all honey. But I mean by all means stay together if ur really truly happy. Hit me up if u ever wanna chat ok!

aldoushuxley

2/17/10 10:46pm

thanks for the comment. it has hit me hard. the worst part is knowing that i didnt do anything wrong. i did all the things they say you should do. i waited for the right person and i used protection but i got it anyway. it just seems so unfair that the majority of people out there have been much more careless and nothing happend to them. i am going to stay with my girlfriend. the only good part of this situation is that it has brought us closer together as we struggle to get through this. but its hard. the worst part is that im completely broke trying to pay for rent, bills, and doctor visits. and i cant ask my parents for help without telling them what the money's for. its really stressing me out.

Browneyes1

2/23/10 7:42am

NO...number 1 rule with Herpes, dont STRESS OUT!! Stress brings your immunity down and it can cause you to have ana outbreak. Things will pan out in time because all it takes is time. If money for healthcare is an issue, just go to your local health department and be seen at their clinic. Also, Acyclovir is on Walmart's $4 list of meds in the pharmacy so its just 4 bucks. They can prescribe that for you if money is the issue. So dont worry you'll make it through just please dont freak out. Keep your head up its gonna be alright.

aldoushuxley

2/23/10 3:56pm

good ole walmart. thanks for the advice. im an american but i live and work in Central America. because im not a citizen i cannot use the public health system here. my only option is a private clinic. its been over a week since the diagnosis and im feeling a little more relaxed about the whole thing but i dont think i'll ever feel completely normal again. i appreciate the support. im glad a website like this exists.

indescribable

2/23/10 3:15am

Hey, just want to let you know that I was in a very similar situation. I'm 23 years/f. I waited 22 years, was with my bf for a year and a half and then decided to have sex. I had unprotected sex with him though and yup, now it's Life with Herpes. I'm a medical student too by the way- ya you would think I would take ALL PRECAUTIONS!! At first, I felt like my world was spinning uncontrollably and Herpes was the focus of my world. I also felt very betrayed by my bf- he claims he was asymptomatic as well, he never cheated (apparently he contracted it before he was with me). I also felt like i disappointed myself- like why didn't I jus wait till marriage? Guess what buddy, if I waited till marriage- I would have been stuck with that guy AND herpes. Herpes before marriage actually has been a blessing in disguise for me. I am no longer with him- it was only after herpes I realized that this guy was too dependent on me for help and that was adding even more to my own individual herpes stress. Herpes shows each other's true colours. I would advise you stick around with ur gf but keep an eye out. If you see any red flags, I can reassure you there IS life after herpes- you don't have to STAY with your infected partner by feeling obligated. Also, it really helped me deal with my situation having time ALONE to think and put things into perspective.

Plus, your current gf is also HPV positive. You'll have to be EXTRA careful because you can also contract that one and you get warts etc- there are different strains. The relationship you're in is HIGH RISK- not trying to be insulting, just trying to let you see things from a realistic point of view.

Anyways, So I also felt that when I broke up with him, I didn't want to date anyone else. Just like how you were thinking-How can I put someone else through this, you know? My heart got so hardened and I felt like I had to take on the world by myself. Then, Christ came into my life. He also sent a man into my life a few months right after. I was guarding my heart like no other. This man I met, has been a virgin for 24 years, strong Chrisitan beliefs- I thought no way would he accept me after I told him. Guess what? I told him and it didn't change his feelings for me one bit. I was shocked because even thought I have herpes- I think I would hesitate to jump into a relationship with someone new that has a STD. Well, I just wanted to let you know that there are people in this world thatare non-judgemental and who see you for who you ARE. He was also a virgin! Who would have thought God would have been so good to me, to send such a pure soul?

Furthermore, after seeing this guy's reaction to me, I also decided to give my life to Christ (I was Hindu) and oh my goodness, all the regret-the guilt-the dirty feelings- have been removed...Plus, after I realized God protected me from contracting HIV, becoming pregnant, Hepatitis (med school lol) - which I fully put myself at risk of- I can't be more GRATEFUL and THANKFUL to him!

There's a reason for EVERYTHING in life. It's weird to say, but Herpes has been a BIG BLESSING in my life. No longer do I take my health for granted, i'm always at the gym- to keep your body oxygenated and you got to eat really well- to boost your immue system. IT's more like we're forced to take the HEALTHY path to life at and EARLY AGe :)

I know this is a long msg. But I hope you are encouraged by this. Let me know if you have any questions etc. I can even help with the health related ones- I've done so much research about this lol

aldoushuxley

2/23/10 3:46pm

thanks for your comment. it was long haha but much appreciated. well, i spoke with the doctor the day of my diagnosis and he told me that since i had contracted herpes and chlamydia that he was almost a hundred percent possitive that my girlfriend had given me HPV aswell. but there's no reliable hpv test for men. we dont know what kind of HPV it is. whether its the genital wart causing kind or the kind that only affects women. but since my girlfriend has some mild displasia on her cervix we think its that second kind. the truth is though, that a person can have several types. its scary to know that sex is so dangerous. i waited until i found the right person for me before begining a sexual relationship but it turns out she has several STD's and didnt know it. she's not a skank either. thats the worst part. knowing that she's a good person who was unlucky enough to have the wrong boyfriend before meeting me.

the good thing about all this is that we've grown closer as a result of the diagnosis. and i know that i HAD to get it. i say that because if it had turned out that i got a clean diagnosis but she didnt, i cant say for sure if we'd have stayed together or what. its sounds superficial to say that about a person i really care about but you get a lot of crazy emotions when the doctor tells you these things.

we've both decided mutually to stop all sexual activity between us and wait until we get married (we talked about getting married before we ever recieved the news from the doc). i know that it wont change whats already happened but we feel like this was a curse from god for having had premarrital sex. we've both started to change our lives and think more about what god's plan is for us and how we can have a relationship that is pleasing to him.

neither of us have had any symptoms of any of the diseases except for my girlfriends cervical dysplasia. nothing to indicate herpes or chlamydia. im glad because i dont know how i would be able to handle all this stress and be dealing with sores at the same time. how long after you were infected did you have your first outbreak and how often do you have them? i have read that it varies tremendously between people so there's no way to say for sure.

ClearlyInconspicuous

2/23/10 11:17pm

I'm so sorry to hear you've contracted this, especially in this way when you were so careful! I feel your pain, I was careful too; condoms don't always work as the virus can be passed from genitals to mouth, to mouth, to genitals (in rapid succession), as it was in my case. I had two huge sores in my mouth at the same time that prove it. That may have been what happened with you guys? Just a thought. As far as how soon after infection do you get symptoms/outbreaks, it does definitely vary widely from person to person as some people can be asymptomatic for who knows how long, and then there's me who nearly went to the hospital within 24 hours, as I had a 104.5 fever and was so achy I could barely move, all before the actual blistering started, which was within 12 hours of the fever and aches. I didn't know what the problem was, and was afraid I was seriously ill. Luckily, after that first incredibly severe, almost three-week-long outbreak, mine have been very infrequent, and very mild. It's become more of an annoyance to me than anything else. I might have an outbreak once a year, and it's always very small. I have had it for 10 years this April, and have never been on medication for it, though I'm starting now, as it just seems like a good idea. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure you know! I figure if I'm only having one a year without medication, perhaps with it, I won't have them anymore at all. *crosses fingers and prays!* Also, I've read in a few places that paying attention to your lysine/argenine ratios (amino acids) can help keep it dormant/in remission. I don't know how true it is, but I do know that while researching this, I discovered I eat a lysine rich/low arginine diet without trying, just out of preference, and again, mine has been very mild for 10 years, so you might want to look into it. I found a list somewhere of a few hundred foods and their lysine/arginine content and ratios; I'm sure you can find it easily with google if you're interested in looking into it further. Staying upbeat, happy and as stressfree as possible helps a lot too.

As far as dating other people, I know you and the girlfriend plan to stay together, and that's wonderful; I truly wish you the best. But just in case, I have to say...don't make each other unhappy for the next 50+ years just because of this. If it's not working later on, then let it go. I've had 2 serious relationships, including an engagement (neither breakup had anything to do with the disease, btw), after contracting this, and both of them knew from the get-go. Your life is not over just because of this, though I know how it feels to think it is. Keep your chin up and your stress levels down; this too shall pass...well, maybe not "pass" but at least get better. ;) Anytime you get down about it, just remember, it could be so much worse. Be thankful it's only herpes.

indescribable

2/24/10 12:49am

yup...i didn't really have an "out break"....i jus had problems while urinating (dysuria- painful urine)...and then when i went to the doctor's...they gave me antibiotics - they misdiagnosed me thinking it was a bacteria. I was on the pills for a week and I still had painful urine and then I also had so many muscle aches and feeling very weak. Then when I went back, they did the IgM and IgG blood test and then they realized I had jus been infected. Since then, I had just one outbreak but it was so weird. Even though I have genital herpes, I noticed this red dot like apimple on the side of my left knee- then within 2 days it became like a small blister- when i went to the doctor's- she said it's a herpes outbreak. Rare, I know. That's why i keep a box of valtrex handy- Just in case! I've never had an outbreak since...it's nearly a year.

Browneyes1

2/24/10 7:48am

Well that was how I was diagnosed, I had my first outbreak. It started as one sore and then two days later more appeared and they started to break open so I went to the health department I was too scared to go to my regular doctor. The nurse said judging from the look of it and the number of sores I had she could tell it was m very first outbreak. So I dont even know how long I've had it and she said I could've had for a while so that killed my spirit even more that day. The Dr. there put me on Acyclovir for two weeks and I felt like I was a drug addict cause I had to take two pills THREE times a day lol. But the outbreak lasted about two weeks and I'm fine now andI haven't had another one yet so knock on wood that I dont get one anytime soon. But yeah it does vary from person to person.

asdf

4/ 2/11 12:59am

hi.

I got hsv2 as well and I was a virgin...didn't insist on using a condom though...only had sex twice and got it. Broke my heart. I think, being in love with him, somehow I was thinking that love is more powerful than science or stds's...and that was my protection. in retrospect, it probably was. no hiv. and that is a blessing. He didnt handle it well (when I confronted him he said he didn't know he had it)...but i realized herpes or no herpes, this wasn't the right person for me.

I've actually been researching hiv a lot because i was so scared about it...and discovered mary fisher. she gave an amazing speech and i recommend you look her up. she will inspire you too, just as a human being and our situations seem so trivial compared to her and she is doing just fine. Although it looks like you two already have your hearts in the right place.

I really admire you...your gf is probably grateful to have you, and your hearts are pure and so are your bodies.

Please don't see it as punishment, i love and believe in god as well and am happy you are turning to him.

my first time having sex - i used a condom - i got herpes.

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