Ok - I won't minimize the emotional pain, the feeling of personal failure, the inclination to assume that you are not pretty (or handsome) enough, not smart enough, not sexually pleasing enough, just...not enough. And let's not even get into when money that you don't have is spent on this extracurricular activity...Ok let's call it external relationship. And let's put aside how it sometimes destroys collateral relationships and the lives of other family members. Putting all that aside.....cheating means you put an innocent individual - your spouse - who you then come home to - at risk for STDS...some of which have no cure.... no easy resolution.
So whenever I get into a discussion with my gal pals about "cheating" - and of course, with this weekend's movie about women coming out - we are talking about it a lot - I really get focused on the risk andwhat the cheater exposes his or her spouse to. Yes, it is deceitful and devastating on so many levels, but this guy is putting his wife at risk of HIV and herpes and HPV. How does one do that; have no regard for the next person's physical health and wellbeing, and not consider it for even one moment, as a selfish personal decision is made??
Therapy can heal a marriage - if you want, and antibiotics can treat some STDs but herpes - HPV - AIDS - those are gifts for life!! So when I answer so many questions on the "Ask" tool of this site, and I realize that I am being forced into a corner to offer medical advice and sometimes the reality message that - if you've been faithful and can swear prior sexual history could not possibly be responsible for a virus that was just diagnosed - then it IS your partner and that IS your new health reality.
That is my problem with cheating partners.
Published On: September 10, 2008