I'm at the point in my life when I want to find the right person, fall in love, get married, and start a family. One minor problem is I have herpes. When I do begin dating someone, I'm struggling on how I am going to tell them. Or when. I am fully educated on the disease, and yes, it sucks ass to have it, and I hate it, however, the media and the public, make it out to be some horrible deadly thing. It's not, I understand that, I've had it for three years with no outbreaks or anything, so it's not as bad as what people joke about. I'm just not sure when to tell the person, obviously before having sex or anything, but not sure. Also how do you go about it?
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telling them...?
9/14/09 10:45pm
You have an obligation to tell the other person regardless of how difficult it is to tell them. Otherwise you run the risk of infecting him/her if you have sex without telling you uninfected partner. I think that it's much worse if you infect someone knowing the risks and did not tell the other person in advance. I think that you'll feel more relieved once you've told the other person (regardless of the outcome) because you know deep down inside that you did the right thing. And it's certainly not the end of the world to have Herpes and possibly you can explain it in this manner to your partner.
9/26/09 9:57pm
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I totally understand what you are going thru. I experienced my first genital outbreak five months ago and I'm trying to find the same. Telling the guy that I've been dating was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but you must do it! Always stay honest about the whole thing, before having any sexual contact, and if they are the right person they will stick by you. Having herpes kind of "weeds" out the ones that will stand by your side and the ones that don't.
When to tell someone is a struggle, and varies on each situation. But if you feel that you or the other is starting to establish a real likeness for one another and sex is really on one another's mind you need to tell them before anything happens. The sooner the better to spare more heartache for yourself. But of course I wouldn't be announcing it on a first date.... I told him after the fourth date (once again this is just my situation) I felt that he should be given a chance to get to know me before knowing about the herpes, so he didn't just think of me as this virus. If your finding it hard to date in the "non"infected pool, you could always try positivesingles.com. I haven't tried that site yet because so far the guy I'm dating has not ruled me out.
People sometimes refer to having herpes as a blessing because it makes you focus on communication with your partner. I guess in that way I do have to agree. This new phase of my life is making me change my past ways with men for the better. Always have a good support system is key, and remember you have to stay emotionally and physically well and the right person will come along. goodluck, and remember your not alone.