*Disclaimer: Long post ahead*
My story:
I'm 29 and contracted genital herpes 5 years when I was in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend. We separated 2 years ago due to other differences. Our split was amicable and we would even joke about GH, even calling it "our friend". Since then,I have harboured a *small* hope that we would get back together and therefore have not dated at all as I was hoping that he would somehow come to his senses and ask for a reconciliation. (I know, it's stupid.)
Recently I have heard that he is in a serious relationship (serious like talking about marriage) with someone else and he now acts like I don't exist anymore! We work in the same company, and previously we used to chat and greet each other when we passed each other in the hallway. Now however, he walks off in the other direction when he sees me coming!
This has seriously thrown me off into the deep end due to few things:
1. What the hell happened to our frienship / relationship?
2. What the hell am I going to do about dating or finding a lifepartner?
For the friendship issue, I suppose it's the end for us for whatever reason that he has decided.
But for the dating issue, I am seriously at a loss. He was my first serious boyfriend and he was my first sexual encounter as well, which makes it double whammy, I supose. I have not dated in 2+ years and I don't know how to start at all. How do I think about dating when I have *this* inside me? It's like the alien baby inside my chest in the show "ALIENS", that will explode, literally and figuratively.
To put it in a cultural context, I don't live in the US. I live in Asia, where it is still a strongly-held belief that girls should be virgins before marriage or it is frowned upon for girls to have too much sexual experience before marriage. I have posed a hypothetical question to a few male friends about what would be their reaction if a girl they were seriously seeing (by serious, I mean not just for sex and fun) tells them that they have GH. All of them have said, "WHAT??" and they have more or less said that they would leave the girl even if they had feelings for the girl, even if they had a good relationship together, even if they clicked etc etc. It's like, in their minds, this *alien* seriously overshadows or even ecclipes everything they may have together. One of my male friends even said, "What can this girl offer me, that other girls can't, that might convince me to overlook or accept this about her?". Another guy friend says "I'm ok with knowing my girlfriend is not a virgin, or is sexually experienced. But to have that knowledge flung in my face, ie. having an STD or having a child from a previous relationship or having pictures of her and her ex together, is totally not acceptable to me. There are lots of other girls out there for me. I don't need to be reminded that I'm wearing someone else's old shoes"
Some of the less-enlightened guy or girl friends have even said that they would break off all contact with this person because, in their minds, GH is as bad as HIV.
keep your head up!
no reason to be down on yourself stay positive, and things will start to look up.
attitude is everything and life is what you make it.
having herpes can be a burden,
but dont let it hold you back from going out or being social,
When I was younger I told a few good friends about my predicament,
it was'nt really productive,
It's no ones business besides my own and a love-interest.
Having herpes really aint that big of an issue,
theres a whole lot worse out there, be it personality traits or diseases!
Keep your head up, and give it time someone will come along and see you for who you really are.