On Valtrex right now and depressed

Well it's been 11 months when I first found out I tested positive for genital herpes. The guy I was with for a while had sex with me, and never told me he had it. We are no longer together. I wish I would have known so I wouldn't of slept with him. As im typing I am crying, and in pain. I have an op right now, and I am taking Valtex. My fiance accepts the fact that he might get it, but I know when he does it is going to hurt. Not just physically but emotionally. I've been suffering from depression, and I feel like im gaining weight. All I want is to be happy, but I don't think that's possible. I fear that this will ruin my life, and my future life with my finance. Everytime I have an outbreak I just want to isolate myself from the world. I don't even want to take a shower or use a towel. Im so afraid of giving it to one of my family members or something. Everyday that goes by I feel like I did when I first found out I tested positive. It feels like just yeterday I was breaking the news to my family. I had never lived with regret untill now!