I just found a week ago that I have genital herps and I am married.

Hi Candidreams, my name is Camilo and I am monitoring this Sharepost Community. Thank you for posting and becoming a member of our community. I am not a healthcare practitioner and thus cannot offer you any professional advice. I want you to know that living a normal life is not impossible, and there are already many people that achieve one by properly managing their condition. Your firs step should be consulting our Just Diagnosed page, where you will find all of the general introductory information to get you underway to regaining control. Next you should consult our Dating with an STD section and thoroughly explore it to find helpful tips on coping with intimacy now that you are positive for the disease. Finally, you should consult our Treatment and Medications section to become informed about available treatment possiblities. I hope I was of some help, please continue to post with any other questions or concerns you may have. Also don't forget to consult a physician before adopting any new knowledge into practice.

Best of luck,

CAM

Sweetheart....don't feel discusting.  I too contracted Herpes from my husband it I felt so betrayed and hurt.  But it will not make things any better to feel sorry for yourself.  No one wants Herpes but things could have always been way worse...you could have contracted HIV or AIDS.  In the beginning your outbreaks may be frequent and very painful but as time goes on they are less and not as bad as the very beginning.  I know that having Herpes will now force you to take extra, extra precautions but really is life over just because you cant have unprotected sex anymore?  You can still hug, you can still kiss and there are so many other ways to show love and intimacy.  I don't know if you are planning to stay with your husband (I stayed with mine for 4 years after he gave it to me and we split up for other reasons) you can still have sex with him and still have children...you just have to take different precautions while having an outbreak or if you plan to have children (which you can still do by the way).  If you plan on having a relationship with someone else having Herpes will only weed out the people that are not really there for you and only there for themselves.  Since I have split with my husband I have not had sex with anyone else.  I have had the opportunities but have chosen to wait until I'm ready.  Some men have accepted my situtation and have said that it does not change who I was.  Others have told me straight out that I killed it for them.  Either way...Herpes forces us to be honest and brave.  Which I may add are very positive qualities.  You are the person you were before you contracted Herpes....people all around the world have different illnesses and are accepted by those who love them.  Those that sincerely care for you will love you and accept you no matter what.  Herpes is not something we would ever want, but it helps us to have people around us who really care.  Never think of yourself as discusting, dirty or unlovable.  Just as Im sure you would not treat someone badly because they have a illness there are many other people out there who would be the same way with you.  Be tough sweetheart...remember this is not the end of the world....you are still every bit you...keep your chin up and think of so many other things that are worse than this...there are so many. 

I dont think the feeling ever goes away. Yet I all so checked into a whole lot of information, and have found nothing but depression. I think hearing from my physician that GM is so common these days and that its nothing to be stressed over to much. Besides remember stress and worrying causes more flareups or out breaks. No need to be scared of sex...just if your having a outbreak dont have it. I hope you all the best, and remember there are worse things in life you could have ran into...this is just a minor bump in the road compared to the rest.!

Hi Candidreams,

Thanks for writing on here.  I too have Herpes and I know how hard it is to lead a normal life.  I'm happy to discuss things with you, but I'm not a doctor so cannot offer medical advice.  

Have you read my blog about Getting Diagnosed ? I will continue to write each week about my life dealing with Herpes.  I hope you will read and contribute your ideas.  Also check out Herpes Basics to keep yourself informed.  It's good to be very knowledgeable about your disease.  Also, these topics about Dealing with Herpes are pretty helpful.

As someone else said, there's no reason to be scared to have sex.  Just don't do it when you're having an outbreak.  (Which shouldn't be hard, I have zero sex drive while having an outbreak...)

I can assure you it gets easier as time passes.  There are many of us out here, and we are getting through it.  I know you will too.  Keep checking the site for more info!

PJ 

Dear Candidreams,

I just want to write you a quick note and tell you 1) Do NOT feel disgusting and 2) Do NOT be scared of sex. You are NOT alone. Shoot, over 20% of sexually active Americans also have genital herpes so you have plenty of company. We're also here for you so please come back and let us know how you are doing.

I thought this article by Dr. Grayson might be helpful to you:

Your Life with Herpes

by Charlotte Grayson, M.D.

Getting off the Emotional Rollercoaster When you were told that you had herpes, what was your reaction? Fear? Shock? Anger? Sadness? Or Resolution? I've seen all of these reactions ... and others. The initial reaction to the news that you have herpes is often a major one, often involving involves many negative emotions. Let's face... Read more