Confused and Concerned

By B-Mil Wednesday, December 03, 2008

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Hi Everyone,

Well, I started dating this great girl a few weeks ago and this morning she told me that she has herpes. I am very aware of HSV-1 as I get cold sores and all that fun stuff. We haven't had sex yet, and she wanted me to know before things went any further than they have already which was very hard for her but I am very grateful she did. She has been living with it for about 6 years, and it's still very hard for her to talk about.. I guess I am just confused and reading as much as I can and looking for advice.

Comments (11) | Add comment

red

12/ 4/08 8:03pm

hi- i just happened to see this in one of my e-mails. i am married to a man that has genital herpes-the first time we had sex,i did not know-yet days later he had told me-i was mortified-yet we discussed it-he was on acyclovir(400mg a day) 2 years before i met him-taken every day it has caused him less outbreaks-if he was not on it he would break out all the time---but- understand this-as a woman it is harder to know if you are breaking out since it's inside the body,not out side-but male or female-you get signs of it starting to break out-itching,burning feelings-taking the acyclovir daily,at the recommended dose will help ALOT-you can always use a condem-friction causes it to pop out at times also-yet it is easily controlled with med,s-stress may cause an out break also----you can enjoy a healthy-happy sex life with her-just get her on the med,s-good luck to both of you......................

red

12/ 4/08 8:08pm

p.s.----------it is extremely contagious--------------

dating with herpes in canada

12/ 4/08 8:46pm

I think it is excellent that you are on here looking for answers and advice. It shows that you are serious about this girl. Perhaps you can begin looking at the stats..how many people actually have herpes. You have met a woman who has been honest with you.....many, many are not this is why the stats are so high!

Perhaps look at other std's (HPV) and get the big picture about dating in 2008/2009. If you have met someone who brings you joy, why not persue her? Just be informed which you are doing..and be protected, use condoms, antiviral gel etc...

Good Luck in your journey.

dating with herpes in canada

12/ 4/08 8:50pm

Oh one last comment, Imagine if every woman you met and really liked you had to sit her down and tell her....by the way I get cold sores!! Maybe you should be doing this too!! Different location, similar issue??? Except you get it on your face for the world to see...we get in below the belt where NO one can see!!!!!!!!!

Does that make any sense???

Just something to think about, how we judge each other.

yello is the new pink..

12/ 5/08 1:30am

Dont be too afraid. That is a huge thing that she respects you enough to tell you before she let anything go any further. Herpes is herpes. The only real big difference is where you get an outbreak. Both HSV1 and HSV2 is treated the same way. Do you know if she has HSV1 or HSV2 in her genitals. I ask because my ex gave me HSV1 in my genitals from oral sex. He claims he doesnt have out breaks in his genitals but I know he gets the sores on his face. So you could very well give your type to her and vise versa. I would say be careful when you are active and if you really like her talk to her about it more. Do research together before you make a desion. Talk openly about it. A lot of people in this world have it. She may be the girl of your dreams and you dont want to shut her out because she has herpes. I think you are making a good choice by asking questions. Also, if you just dont want to step through that door of maybe's then I would you need to follow your own heart. I hope this helps you in some way. Good Luck!!!!

B-Mil

12/ 5/08 9:33am

Thanks Everyone..

We did talk about it for awhile the other day and after reading up on it alot, I decided that I wanted to continue to move forward with the relationship. We did have sex for the first time yesterday and it was great! She is a great girl and I just wanted to seek out more information and such before we did anything else. Now that I am more informed, we will see where things go.

Anonymous

12/ 5/08 12:47pm

That is very good she told you and you are looking for info on it. Wear a condom and talk to your doctor about it. No one knows better than the doc. Alot of people dont say anything because its to ambarassing be thankful she did

Scarlett

12/30/08 3:43pm

Hi there, I wanted to comment on your questions. I have one question for you. Do you like this woman? DO you really like her heart, her mind, her attitude, are you attracted to her? If so go for it. I was diagnosed 4 years ago. I have had one long term relationship since then where we had unprotected sex and he never was exposed to it. I took Valtrex and was sure to watch my body. Today I had the person I have been dating for 2 months tell me it was not something he wanted to deal with, and he decided to leave the relationship. Mind you we did sleep together. SO that confuses me more. To me that is the most hurtful thing because he said he loves everything else about me. Hard to think that one fairly controllable thing would stop someone from enjoying all the other great things about you. Just a thought. I would be happy to answer any questions as I have been dealing with this for some time. By the way, I commend you for reaching out for answers to places where you can get educated ones. I fear that in my situation he talked to his friends, and when you do that often, not always, you get a group of guys telling you that your going to die, ruin your life, that she is not quality etc. In all reality she made a mistake or someone was not honest to her, likely a guy similar to the ones talking all the crap. Any how I hope this was helpful. I just encourage you to look at the situation from a broader prospective. Look at what it is that you like about her and go from there, focusing on what is really important. Sex is only part of a successful relationship.

yankhour10@yahoo.com

1/ 4/09 1:16pm

get out end it its cool she told you but dont do it

Anonymous

1/ 6/09 1:44am

Wow, I just want to say, thank you, for not bailing out on her when she told you. I am a mother of a young woman (23), who became infected (her first sexual encounter) by a less than human person, who elected not to inform her. I have seen my child reduce to a empty shell. Lonely, sad, hurt, and confused. I would give anything to trade places with her, to have the virus in my body. She didn't ask for this, and her bad decision not to have protected sex, has cost her more than she could imagine. So, back to you, you said she was a "great" girl, and I'm sure she is, you can have a "safe" sexual relationship with her, without getting infected. Both of you have to take precautions. I feel for her, it had to be horrible for her to tell you, but because of her honesty, I hope she'll find love. Good luck to you too, and thank you for allowing me to believe that my daughter could possible find a guy like you.

Sam

1/ 7/09 11:47pm

I think you are a good guy for trying to read about this. If you really like her you should go right ahead and continue to support her. She could be on the suppressive valtrex 1 gram a day. You guys should use condoms and antiviral gel. Read christopher scipio's book that talks about treating herpes holistically with her. Be supportive towards her, especially if she is a good girl. She did not stop being who she was just because she got herpes. I too got it and he did not inform me that he had cold sores. Please do not listen to the simple minded guy who says its good she told you, but get out. I hope he never gets herpes one day.

Confused and Concerned

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