Scared, Lost, Looking for hope

I am in essentially the exact same situation as you are... just returned from the clinic; having done research at home I was almost certain I had herpes and the doctor confirmed this. Wildly enough I'm 18 years old and am a virgin; I've apparently somehow managed to contract both oral and genital herpes, and both are brutal, through kissing or oral sex. I feel as though this we just have terribly bad luck and hope that it won't affect our lives too much; I know very little about the disease at the moment but remain optimistic... I too feel very alone and have not told anyone yet, but presumably will tell my family tonight. Oh great.

Don't be discouraged!! Life will go on you just have to look at it as a wake up call. I too was in your situation in my early twenties and I didn't know how to handle my situation. I finally met someone and I really really liked him. I knew I had to tell him b/c I would be putting his health at risk and when I did it was the hardest thing at the time I'd ever done I was so embarrassed and ashamed and I knew that would be the end of us. Well my friend I am happy to inform you that you can have a future just be honest and give your partner the opportunity to decide if they want to be with you without deciding for them. I am married to that same man I spoke of earlier and we have children and they are all fine. Just take care of your health and be cautious!! Be blessed in your life!!

Im a 17 year old female and i found out 10 hours ago that i have gential herpes so at this point im confused and feeling like im dreaming i would never guess that would happen to me.. i got it thru protected sex!!!

to be honest i feel like my life is over before it started i feel for you lets have hope together!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a very similar predicament, although my gettin the virus was by no means my own choice. So I understand how hard it can be to cope with this. I felt like this was the end of my life, I did not understand why it happened to me, I hadn't asked for this. The first few months were the hardest and I cried a lot, but the medication that is out there right now is very helpful- especially when it comes time to tell someone that you are seeing. After about 5 months I decided to start dating again, it took me 3 weeks to tell him. And it was the hardest thing I had ever done. But he was understanding and wanted to know more- now I can't tell you that lasted long due to unforseen circumstances- but he was my turning point and I knew that there are people that can accept this- it is not a death sentence and nor may it be a life sentence either.  Take it day by day for now, and eventually things will get better.  I promise.

Gracie,

I am in the position where I have just discovered after having 2 outbreaks, that it must be herpies I have contracted. Haven[t gone to the doctor yet, but I'm sure I have it and doing research for natural treatrment.

I can feel your thoughts, but you are NOT a bad person for contracting this virus. I am in a different position, being 55 years old and have been healthy all my life. I have raised my children and experienced a lot of what you are going to. My positive thoughts are with you and the others who have responded to your message, but there is always learning to do, don't stop loving or being loved. Hope these words will help, as I have to tell my wife what I have gotton after a 6 year seperation.

Spiritual friend

As times goes on your outbreaks will space out further and further, especially since you are taking valtrex. The first 2or3 outbreaks are the worst, I thought it was the end of my life, but as you live with it you'll understand you are not alone by a loooong shot. Advice-dont stop taking valtrex or your outbreak will be like the 1st. Also stress, being too tired triggers an outbreak stay calm dont worry, enjoy life. When i 1st was diagnosed i had outbreaks every couple of weeks, now 2 or 3 times a year and it is barely noticeable. Take frequent showers when you have an outbreak, and keep that area dry....

Girl, I have literally gone through this scenario. About 5 days ago I noticed the itching. Not until two days ago did I think to look down there and I saw small bumps, thinking they were razor burn from shaving. I went to the gyno yesterday and he said I have it and today I got bloodwork done. I'll find out by Monday what it is, but I know I probably definitely have it. Like you, my mother has been my rock. I've been crying since I left the doctor yesterday and have been trying to sleep as much as possible to forget. I went to work today (waitress) to keep my mind off it, but had to run into the bathroom to call my mother and shed a few tears. I couldn't handle it. I feel like my whole life has changed. My twenties are ruined and I'm only 21. I think I got it from a man whom I've been sleeping with unprotected. I did this to myself. I think I felt because he was so cool and hot that he could do whatever he wanted and it would be okay. I told him yesterday and he was in shock. I don't know how supportive of me he'll be and I told him to get tested and I'm praying he does soon. I've slept with 5 people. I was fairly extremely careful with 3 and another was unprotected but it was 3 years ago (I know this virus lies dormant but I don't feel like it was him). I'm scared that I'll never date again, I'll never get married and I'll never have a family. I feel dirty and used. I want to be with this man but I doubt he'll have anythig to do with me. I think I'll be alone forever now. How could this have happened? Why do I have to be the statistic and everyones example of what NOT to do. This is awful. I want to be and feel normal again. I can't listen to the radio or watch tv because it's all about sex. Thank you for posting this. It's horrible what we're going through, but I know that people are dealing with this too.

I haven't gotten the results, I mean I know what the answer is but I'm trying to fool myself by pretending its a curable std that I won't have for life. I've been praying really hard for a miracle, too.

Good luck, feel free to stay in touch.

Alli

I empathize with you. I won't say you'll get over it but surely it gets better. I was diagnosed in 2008 with it myself. The man who gave it to me, was wearing a condom and right before we had intercourse he took it off without me knowing and had the audacity to dump me. I look at this way: I'm grateful that it is herpes because it just could have easily have been HIV so I was spared. You will find the strength, it gets better with time. I take suppressive therapy and take vitamin C supplements as the virus eats away at your vit C. I exercize and try to be upbeat. I hope this helps!!

Your story sounds like exactly what I'm going through right now.  I started getting symptoms about a week ago and thought it was a yeast infection because I just finished a second round of antibiotics.  Also, I've been in a monagamous relationship for 6 years and my new partner has tested clean.  So, I'm still hoping it's not hsv2, but my doctor was very certain and already put me on Valtrex.  The pain is horrible, and yet, I keep hoping that the Valtrex won't work because I'd rather have almost anything else than this.  But, it seems to be getting better on the medication, so....  Please tell me that dating is still possible?  I left my 6 year relationship and called off a wedding because I wanted passion in my life and I feel like I'll never get that now.  I feel so alone and cry all the time.  My partner is super supportive, but our relationship isn't really set up for that. 

You will find that the feelings you are experiencing will come and go. Only thing I can say is just be careful and be smart. While genital herpes can definitely cut into your love life it doesn't end it. Oral sex kinda goes out the window though but there are plenty of ways to make things work. Just be glad that you are young and that they should have a vaccine within the next 5 years so you will be able to have normalcy again. Take care

I'm a 28 year-old guy who's had herpes for a while, and I think I can now say that you should have hope and not despair! 

I was also 24 when I first got diagnosed with it, and I felt exactly the same way you feel.  At first, I forced myself to stay in a long relationship with the girl who gave it to me (though i didn't love her at all) just out of fear that noone will ever want me again.  When I finally broke up with her, I thought I would be alone forever.

Turns out: I was very wrong!  I've dated 4 girls since and they were all willing to be with me despite that.  Even in a rather casual relationship, things are fine as long as we wear condoms and stay careful in bed.  I am now in a pretty serious relationship with a wonderful girl, just like those people in the valtrex commercial :)

I'm not the exception: the ex-girlfriend that gave it to me easily found a loving partner after we broke up.   So cheer up: things will get better !

Hi Gracie,

I am sorry to hear how upset you are and I totally understand. I just wanted to give you another perspective. I met the greates girl in the world and she told me right after we kissed that she had HSV1 in the genital region. I have been extremely careful my entire life and my first reaction was honestly to walk away. But the fact that she was could be honest to tell me something so painful showed me that she can be honest about anything. While we are very careful, we dont do some things sexually. Her ex's have not cared at all and only one has gotten it after 4 years of unprotected sex. Her first out break 4 years ago--4 days after she had oral sex with her partner who had a cold sore was bad but she has had mild "razor burn" outbreaks maybe 2 time a year and said she really was very upset for not reason as it is not a major issue for her. I am still afraid of getting it but we just practice safe sex (dental dam for oral sex) and have a great sex life. The social stigma is the worst part. The main lesson is though-- everyone here who has unprotected "mistakes" could be on teh HIV+ board.....So my advice is to definitely tell the person who gave it to you, dont tell anyone else (friends, family, etc) as they will misunderstand, join a support group, and make sure you let someone get to know you before you think about sex and then tell them. Herpes is small beans to the other challenges in life and if they walk away from it, well that tells you about the person. I told one friend when I was all mixed up and he said "everyone doesn't come in perfect packages..." So hang in there and forgive yourself. Herpes does not mean you are less of a person-- just that you are in a popular club that 1/4 people is also in.

I am 26 years old female and I was diagnosed with HSV2 almost 2 months ago.  Honestly, I am still have a hard time dealing with it.  It seems somedays are ok for me, but majority of the time I feel so depressed.  I have never had an outbreak before but I am terrified when I do have one.  My doctor said that I may never have one, but there is always possibilites that I will.  I am having a very difficult time dealing with the issue itself, I don't know how I will be able to handle when I do have an outbreak.  I am so scared.  I am scared of being alone for the rest of my life, I am so scared of telling someone that I have this disease, I am so emotionally hurt.  I really don't know what to do with myself.  When I caught it, the guy told me that I had infected him.  I know for sure that I did not infect because I had got tested earlier in the year for STD's and all came back negative.  So I know that I did not have this before coming in contact with him.  I was so angry.  I prayed and prayed about it.  My mother always tells me to keep my head held high and keep my faith but it is so hard. 

I fear that no one will ever want to be with me.  They do not want to catch anything, especially something that is for life.  So, who would ever want to be with me.  I fear that I will never be able to have children.  I feel like my life is over now.  I feel so alone, disgusted with myself, and ashamed.  When I go in public or to work, I try to smile, just to keep from crying.  I try and hide all of my pain.  I feel useless.  I cry so much that I sometimes get tired of crying.  I don't know how to deal with the feeling of being rejected so many times.  I have came in contact with many people that have wanted to date me but I turn them down.  Not because they are bad people, but because I don't feel like I am strong enough now.  I don't want to have to go through telling someone and they treat me like an outcast.  I am so scared of how the would react, I just don't date. 

Will I ever grow out of these feelings?  Will I ever overcome my fears?  Will I ever recover from my hurt and pain?  This is tough.  I don't know what to do anymore. 

I am 19 years old and just found out yesterday from my doctor that she thinks I have herpes.  I was devestated when I heard the news.  I went into the doctor thinking I just had a bad cut from my razor or something but when she told me she thought I had herpes I just broke down and started crying.  I still don't know what to do.  I never thought I'd be one of those people.  I always told myself I'd always have protected sex but now after 5 partners 3 of them have been unprotected.  It had been 6 months since I last had had sex before I met the partner I am with now.  I have not told him nor do I know how.  My doctor said I should wait until the results come back before I say anything but I'm pretty positive I have it.  I'm so scared I'll lose him when I tell him. We've never talked about either one of us having anything like this before so I don't know if I got it from him or if I had it and just didnt know.

I don't know if I should tell my parents or just keep it to myself.  So far only my sister and my best friend know about it.  Is it neccessary to tell the other 2 guys before him about it???  I feel so lost and lonely.  My friend tries to help me by just making jokes about it but its not so funny.  What can I do to help feel more accepted and not have the thoughts running through my mind about it so I can focus on school work and the rest of my life?

I just got back from the clinic about three hours ago. I pretty much suspected it, but the doctor confirmed that I have herpes. I am a 26yr. old male and most likely contracted herpes three weeks ago by recieving oral sex from someone I had just met. I had a really crazy year last year (lost my apartment, put myself in rehab) and it had been months since I hooked up with anyone.

Things were leveling off, and now this happens. I am completely numb right now and I don't think it has sunk in. I don't really have anyone to tell. I am feeling like on top of having substance abuse issues, and depression/anxiety, and being gay - now I have to deal with this. But I'm trying to keep it positive. Hoping if I take care of my immune system, the outbreaks won't be bad and maybe it will go in remission for years at a time. 

I also just read that Europe has been experimenting with herpes cures and vaccines for over twenty years. Also American drug companies are spending billions of dollars a year to create cures and vaccines (b/c so many of us have herpes, when they find a vaccine, they will make tons of money). So there is a lot of hope out there.

I know that there are people like all of you who feel the same way that I am feeling. I am sending all of you my positive thoughts. Thanks.

serious im going through the exact same thing and feelings =[  i dont even know what to think right now. i feel lost and confused and scared.

I just found out yesterday that I have herpes.  I went to the doctor after I was having complications.  I had looked online and thought maybe I had herpes.  I have been in a monogamous relationship for over 2 years and actually just got married about a month ago.  I trust my husband and we have a great relationship, so thinking he cheated on me wasn't a thought. 

I'm not sure yet if I have type 1 or type 2.  Honestly, when I got the phone call about my culture results I was in shock and can barely remember half the conversation.  I was hoping it was another infection.  I was trying to figure out when I contracted the virus.  My husband and I were talking and a few days before I started having complications he had a few sores in his mouth that were pretty painful.  We didn't really think much of it and neither one of us even thought about passing it to me.  Neither one of us even thought about them being cold sores.  We had oral sex and a few days later I started having problems.  It was extremely painful.  I was uncomfortable and having trouble sleeping.  I never had any flu-like symptoms.  It started out as one bump that was itchy so I thought maybe it was in ingrown hair.  The next day there were more bumps, then a few turned to blisters.  They were terrible so I made sure I wore loose clothing.  It hurt too much to wear jeans or anything that could rub against it.

As I said, I just found out yesterday around 3:30.  It is pretty crazy to think I have herpes.  It's just one of those things you think will happen to someone else, but not you.  I never realized how widespread the virus is.  Last night I broke down and cried.  I never felt sorry for myself.  I've prayed the past few weeks that everything would be ok.  Just because my idea of okay is different that what God has planned doesn't mean it's not going to be alright.  My husband is a really positive person so that helps out alot.  I don't blame him for anything.  Who knows, I could've had it for a while and maybe have passed it to him.  You can't waste time trying to find someone to place the blame on.  Life is too precious.  He is calling he doctor to also get tested. 

I am 24 years old so around the same age, or older, as many of you who have posted.  Herpes is only a part of us.  It doesn't completely define who we are.  You can't stress about it.  Stress can lead to more outbreaks, which none of us want I'm sure.  I'm sure I will go through many emotions, but right now I am taking my Valtrex and doing everything I can to help prevent outbreaks. 

Gracie,  you're not worthless!  Don't ever think that way.  You'll find someone who will accept you.  Like I said, you can't let herpes define who you are.  I know I am new to the virus, but I am trying to stay positive.  You'll find someone who will love and respect you, but first you need to feel that way about yourself.  Just be honest with yourself and to future partners

I just want to say that although you all may feel hopeless about the situation there is always a worse situation you could be in. There are lot's of new meds and research on vaccines and cures for herpes. I have faith that for so many hurting with this that they will receive hope real soon.

I am 37, have been separated from my soon to be ex husband for 7 months. I have not been with anyone else until about 1 month ago. I have been very very proud of the fact that in the past my health record "down there" has ALWAYS been great. Until now! I know exactly how you feel. I have told noone. I am so alone. I have been in tears for the past 2 days. I am devastated. I can barely take care of myseld at the moment and have to take care of my young child as well.  I have yet t tell the person that im pretty sure gave this to me..........I have no idea how to do that......I feel dirty and worthless.................all i want to do is go to sleep so i don thave to think about it every waking hour of the day. I will get my confirmation tomorrow..........I have neverfelt so alone in my entire life. I want to tell my mom, or best friend, but feel so ashamed.......but the ironic thing is, it was not my "fault", so to speak.  Im trying minute by minute to be strong..................

26 year old male.  I recently got out of a 2 year relationship, and messed around with a girl I didn't really know.  I wore a condom but she did a little licking around my down there areas.  Sure enough right where she licked I noticed a red discoloration about 4 weeks later.  Got tested for HSV1 and HSV2 and both came back negative.  What a relief.  Now i'm currently having a second outbreak.  I am now convinced that it is not a coincidence and I have most likely contracted HSV1 genitally.  I'm also convinced that no woman out there will want anything to do with me once I tell them.  Why would they when there are so many untainted men out there.  I spent a really long time chasing after my previous girlfriend.  I can't imagine putting in all that effort again just to tell the next girl I chase that i have genital herpes, and watch her walk away.

your story is almost exactly the same as mine. It'll be okay. If the guy you got it from is angry or doesn't want to be with you, he's not worth it. And really, out of all the STD's out there, Herpes, if i HAD to choose one, would be the one i would choose. it's just annoying. and if you find someone else who has it (which should not be hard to do) you can't pass it to them and they can't pass it to you. :) Goodluck with everything.

I know how you feel.  Thats exactly how I feel.  I have always had long, meaningful relationships with guys who have wanted to marry me but just two weeks ago or so I decided for once in my life I was going to live free and be who i wanted to be and do what I wanted to do and take care of myself.  Boy was I wrong.  Just having one slip up of a few seconds without a condom did me in even after asking if he was safe and clean.  Liar.  I still love my old boyfriend who used to have unprotected sex with me 2 or 3 times a day and now I dont know if he'll ever want me back.  I feel like this is what I get for being selfish and standing up for myself.  At the moment, its my birthday.  I found out yesterday I had Herpes 2, happy birthday to me.  I had an amaazing month planned.  I went to burning man for the first time with a group of friends and that is where the outbreak happened, my first one, out in the desert with no moisture and no life and no way to keep it clean or anything.  Its been almost a week now and its as bad as ever.  My friend from home is flying in to see me today and in two days we are supposed to go to Vegas with my other friend from home.  I cant drink because of my antibiotics and I cant walk on top of it.  I dont know what to do with myself but I have never had a worse birthday in my life.  Whats the point of going on with life if there will be no fun sex involved? I just feel so dirty and used and like I want to kill the one who did this to me but in my life I have decided to live by the fact that "everything happens for a reason" SO I am trying so damn hard to see the reason in this one.  Maybe its just to teach me a lesson about respecting yourself and being safe and never trust men.  Never ever trust them because they are too stupid to know whats going on down there.  Anyway.  Just typing out my thoughts on my birthday morning :( I dont know how to tell my mom either, I just feel like it would be such a disappointment to her...