18 years old, and really confused

3/28/08 2:36pm

I'm 20 and living with HSV1, so I know how you feel to be young and living with genital herpes. It's too bad that something as small as a cold sore on someones face can lead to something so devistating. I actually don't know how I got mine, because my ex never had any symptoms or signs of even a cold sore, and I've only ever been with 3 people, and I just got diagnosed 3 months ago. I'm lucky because I have a mild case, but I still have to deal with it on a daily basis.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that even though I've had it for 3 months, I've learned its something I have to deal and live with for my life. It's not going to go away, and we can't blame ourselves. It's going to be tough entering a new relationship, but think of it as weeding out the people that aren't good enough for you :)

So, I wish you the best of luck, and not to worry. There are a lot of people here to support you.

Take care

jack mom

3/ 8/10 5:05pm

i know how you feel. im 18 female girl that has herpes and genital warts. people say that if you have herpes that you are a slut\some one that likes to sleeps around. thats not my case i only had sex with two people in my life. the first guy i slepped with was a virgin and the second guy i slepped with.............well lets just call him a lier. very day it bums me out and make me cry. some time i feel that i will never be happy with my 2 std's. i dont know what to do?

amber

3/30/08 10:17pm

iam 18 and a female also with herpes so i can understand what you are going through. I was just also diagnoized as being depressed. Life can be rough with this but i learned one thing BE VERY THANKFUL YOU DONT HAVE SOMETHING WORSE THAT COULD TAKE UR LIFE. (HIV)

(canCER) MY first thought was that NO one would want to even touch me so i know what you mean by how you feel dirty. BUT to my surprise i told this guy i really like alot my uncles roomate and hes was ok with it. He just asked alot of questions. just take one day at a time and love life.

Foltzette

3/31/08 11:40pm

I was really hurt this weekend when i found out that my best friend had told her boyfriend. I know he will tell this small town i live in, i am so mad at her. it was something private and she hurt my trust.

My brother came to see me (he already knew) and before he would even get in the same hot tub with me he asked my mom to make sure he wouldnt get it.

No matter where i turn people are hurting me by bringing it up.

Someone who knows how you feel

4/ 1/08 8:34pm

All I can say is I know ho u feel. Im 22 years old. Im in my second year of college studying journalsim. I just found out that I may have it myself. I got it from my boyfriend who didnt even know he had it. I feel dirty and nasty as well. The only thing I could say is that the more information you know about Herpes the better off u will be. I dont really know how to deal with this myself. Im sure your parents will come around eventually. I foun that the more I came on this website and talked to people who were going throught the same thing or who have had this for 5 years it helps to know there r others out there who are more then willing to listen to you and help you out and even give u links to real good information. I dont know how ill deal with this myself or what the future holds for me but I know that I am not going tot let it control my life. I am worried bout dating and how my partner would react to me having herpes, but I know there must be someone out there for me. I knwo i didnt give you answer but I thought that maybe knowing that I am going through the same thing as you it might help you cope.

Foltzette

4/ 2/08 1:15pm

i do like to listen to others comments. It helps me relize that i am not the only one. I like knowing that there is hope for me. and i can sucessfully date. I wish there were more people on this website though.

I learned that not all of my family needs to know. I just know how it can and cant be transmitted. It would devistate me if i gave it to anyone else. I swore to myself not to be sexually active for one year. And not until i know more about it. I just got health insurance again so I can finally go to a doctor again.

Valtrex has helped me soooo much. I only have had my intitial out break. So if you arnt on it i would sugest it... it workes wonders!!!!

herpesfindercom

4/17/08 9:51pm

I think you can go to STDromance.com --the best and largest dating site for STD singles and friends in the world

John

4/18/08 5:14pm

Just yesterday i found out i have gential herpes. my girlfriend of 3 years gave me oral sex while she had a cold core.(biggest mistake of my life). she broke up with me about 3 months ago we rarly talk now that the fact she has had 2 boyfriend since and doesn't like to talk. well just yesterday i had a minor outbreak, so i told her and she said she has had the same thing happen twice on her.(she hadn't even made out before we met). as if my depression couldn't get worse from losing her now i have to deal with this horrible virus the rest of my life. i am 19 years old and still have a lot of time ahead of me, my plans of finding another girl to fall in love with again have pretty much got shot to hell. if need be or questions my email is skateyoungblood@hotmail.com

spirit

4/20/08 4:28pm

wow... i thought i was alone out there... i know, it's the most transmitted disease, 1 out of 4 women have it, bla bla bla... i know everyone's trying to make me feel better however it doesn't... i felt the same way as everyone here discribes. when i got the news, it was the most devastating moment of my life thus far. and i felt and still feel the same way... why me, how did this happen to me... who's gonna love me now??? i wouldn't want to love me... and i've always been so careful.. but i guess you can't be careful enough. i'm 34, just got infected about a week ago and the guy who gave it to me was convinced by his best friend (who somehow became a doctor and an expert in the last few days) that i've had this before. as if i don't have enough to deal with, i can't believe they convinced me that i did. but after talking to a doctor, i was most likely just infected and it was my initial breakout. whatever, the outcome is still the same... i have it and this is the rest of my life...

Foltzette

4/21/08 1:46pm

I know how you feel. A really good family friend happens to be a doctor... He has helped me alot... But its kinda weird telling someone who has known you since you were 3 that you have gh. I remember three years ago i had a really bad infection. The doctor called me after running tests and asked me if i had a cold sore in the last week. I have never had a cold sore in my life. She told me i had positive antibodies against the virus. Me being 15 at the time, and not knowing what antibodies were thought it was a immunity. I was never careful. I have a allergy to Latex... Woo Hoo! But even if i did wear a condom..... i got it orally..... How could someone protect against that???

kace

4/26/08 7:51pm

hi stacey, i understand your confusion. i am in the same boat, only had oral sex with one guy and BAM. i have it. we didn't even have sex.. i also feel undesirable, dirty, and.. just disgusting. however, i didn't tell my parents yet.. nobody knows. worst of all i don't think i'll ever be able to date again...don't worry, you're not alone.

Sammy

4/27/08 3:16pm

Dear Stacey,

I think you are very courageous to write how you are feeling. I was 19 when I found out I had herpes and I don't know who gave it to me, I am now 38. I was so scared and felt so gross that day the nurse called me. I was alone and I cried and cried. I thought of myself as a big lump of used, filthy, unwanted, unsexy, garbage. After much self pity, I then began feeling anger at the person who didn't care enough about me to protect me. But I realize now, this person may not have known either, or didn't understand herpes and how he could infect me or could have been too ashamed and couldn't tell me, and so, took the risk of infecting me anyway.

I started having sex at age 18 and thought my same age partners where clean and trustworthy. I was a typical middle class white suburban girl who thought I would be exempt from STD's because I thought only prostitutes get nasty stuff like that. I was very wrong, obviously. Pretty, educated, young, white girls get diseases, too!!! And birth control can't prevent it!

I read your post and could totally identify with how you feel right now. I can tell you, you are not dirty, but I can feel your shame. The stigma of having herpes is awful. I live still with the same feelings of embarrassment and shame. I am thankful my ex-husband never contracted the virus, but I can also say, it was very frightening to tell him I had herpes. I hid it from him for a long time and tried very hard to protect him when we did have sex.. but 12 years ago I was still very misinformed and didn't realize I was still doing behavior that could have infected him. I feel stupid now for doing that, but I couldn't risk the rejection from him.

Eventually, before we were married I told him the truth and he accepted me. We were careful and we had 3 very healthy children. I have been divorced now for 6 years and have struggled with finding another partner I trust enough to tell the truth and be out with this disease. At age 38 I still feel like you do now. I have good emotional days and bad days.

The only people who know are my mom, my ex husband and a woman friend who accidently overheard the doctor when my 3rd child was born. I was mad at the doctor for not talking tome about it in private, but it also gave me an opportunity to see how this friend would deal with our friendship. Well, our friendship did not get stronger, really. She never talked about it with me. It was just silent. I didn't know what to say and I was mortified that she found out. I was 33 then and still not emotionally mature enough about herpes to confront the situation like I could now. As for my mom, it's something that's never brought up. It's like my dirty little secret.

I wish there was a way I could tell you it will get easier for you to deal with. The only thing I know is that every person makes bad choices which end with certain consequences. We never asked for or intended for this to happen, especially so young! We are human and humans risk their lives and health every day. Don't give up on learning and reaching out to others. Don't give up on staying strong and moving forward. Don't let the emotional distress and physical symptoms of this disease dry up your beautiful life. Keep yourself healthy, keep your stress low, have real, solid, true relationships with people.

Use your sexual energy not just for having sex, but for getting people's attention and positively touching those around you. Herpes can still be our secret if we want it to be, or it can be a tool. I am hoping, in my maturity that I will not allow herpes to continue to be the reason why I feel like a 'dirty" person. I know in my heart that is not true and I hope you will learn that as well. I hope that through this we will help the world understand what it's like to suffer from this disease and to help make it less and less stigmatized so we all don't have to hide in pain.

I also hope you will find a person who loves you for who your are and not just for sex. Sometimes churches can help with teaching us how to abstain from sex. They have good tools for dating where sex can be put on the backburner while your intimacey with your partner flourishes. If you do not have a church, there are still support groups online. When you start to feel bad about having herpes, be reminded of all the other really bad diseases and disabilities out there that humans have to live with everyday. Look to other survivors and how they cope with the reality of possibly living and entire life without sexual intimacy because of their physical state. We all suffer in different ways. It is what we do with that suffering that makes your life valuable. When the bad days come....live in them. CRY if your need to. Draw back into yourself and think about your life, who you are and what legacy you'd like to leave behind.

Be ever thankful herpes was not a disease that was fatal. Live gratefully that you will be able to have birthdays, play sports, travel, dance, have children, have your family, go to college, work, etc, etc, without herpes taking your entire life away. Enjoy every healthy breath while it's yours. Best wishes to you and all others who have read this and wish to overcome the emotional pain that comes with living with herpes.

Anonymous

2/13/09 5:25am

I was feeling really down on myself and it is amazing to see everyone supporting each other and it actually really just put a smile on my face. I'm 18 and living with genital herpes as well. A few months ago i was diagnosed and it broke me down to absolutely nothing. I can relate completely with the way everyone says they felt when they first heard the news. I felt like I wasn't even human anymore. I felt like everything I had was taken from me. I've always treated my body as sacred and there was never a time i wasn't careful with myself. I would have given anything to rewind time and go back to the night when it all happened.

I was taken advantage of by someone i trusted after a night of partying. As if I didn't want to die after that happened.. a few days later I immediately had an outbreak. I had no idea what it was.. i just knew i was in an intense amount of pain. I went to the clinic to get checked out and the doctor knew right away what it was, but i didn't believe her. i couldnt. i just thought there was no way that it could have happened to me. i knew i didn't deserve that.

Soon enough the results came back and that was the day i felt myself shutdown. i didn't want to live anymore. i didn't want to kill myself.. but i just didnt want to live. i felt like i lost everything. i couldn't go on anymore.

Luckily for me, I had amazing friends who picked me up when i felt i could never stand again. They helped me to see that this does not change who i am. this disease does not define me and i actually managed to find the strength to take control of the disease.. instead of vice versa. i had to overcome the fact that it happened and embrace my life with open arms. i think we all know that's alot easier said than done.. so don't get me wrong. that was not easy. i spent many sleepless nights crying and trying to understand why it happened to me.

Eventually it got easier though, so anyone reading this.. i hope what you get from this is not to give up. don't give up on yourself because no one deserves this, but the fact that it is not life threatening is a blessing in itself. you may have it for life.. but it will never have your life.

I read from someone's comment that they had a friend betray their trust and that hit home for me. i lost my best friend this year because of that. she told and as hard as it was to forgive her.. i did. it just did so much damage to our friendship that it became irreparable. we're still friends, but we rarely ever talk and we pretty much just go about our lifes as if we didnt spend all of these years together. it breaks my heart everyday and i always think about her, but things happen and i've come to realize that is just the way life is.

I know it might sound silly, but i'm not going to live with this forever. if i have to.. i will, but i'm going to fight it. i learned about homeopathy in one of my classes this year and i've turned to natural medicine. I've only just started to become involved with it, so we'll see how it goes.. but i'm not giving up. not yet. with all of the unbelievable things people are able to accomplish these days, why can't this be one of them?

One of the other reasons why i will do everything i can to fight is because i've found the love of my life. Just like every one of you.. i never thought a guy would ever want to touch me, look at me or even think about me now that i was plagued with this disease. that's why when i met him for the first time, i wanted to run. i didn't want to get involved.. only to be crushed completely.

Somehow, like with every other situation, i managed to find an inner strength and i stayed. We got to really know each other and with every day that passed, i fell more and more in love with him. as amazing as that was.. it was such a burden knowing that i was allowing this amazing guy to fall for me.. even though i knew i would eventually have to break the news to him.

after spending a few weeks and developing a very intense connection.. i couldn't live with myself any longer knowing that he didn't know. i told him and as devastating as it was for the both of us, he told me he would never leave me. he told me he would fight it with me and be there every step of the way. this was the most incredible burden off my shoulders.. so even though i was an emotional wreck.. i had actually felt whole again for the first time since that disgusting night. i felt like i had my old self back. he rescued me and for that.. i'm forever grateful.

So i just hope that by telling my story.. ( sorry it's so long lol ) that i can inspire at least one person. I just want to say.. never give up on yourself. a disease will never define you.. unless you let it. <3

yungblood

5/26/09 5:15pm

i just found out i received genital herpes from oral sex and i have had it for 2 weeks now, i read all these supporting peoples comments but im a male and im no dog im a commpasionate sweet guy, and im sensitive and im good looking, i know if it was the other way around i would not date a girl who had herpes 1 or 2 simpy because im placing myself at risk its not fair to that person its a life long infection. im going to face the facts that very very few females will want to get with me now and its understandable i just dont know how im going to live my life from 20 and up now. i love meeting women i love taking women out on dates, and that is going to slow down drastically life is going to suck, i m not going to commit suicide cause im religious and i i dont want to go to hell, but im not telling none of my freinds im going to be strong and keep my secret safe with me. and as far as dating i might as well become a priest.

madie

7/13/10 9:34pm

I know how you feel i am 19 years old and a good looking girl but know i shut out every guy just because i don't want to infect someone with this horrible disease i get so down about it all the time its so unfair. I have told two people outside my family and they are the friends i have had my whole life so i know what you mean with not wanting to tell people. I just feel trapt

Marie

10/ 4/09 11:07am

Unfortunately, we are all in the same boat it seems. Young (generally) and stuck with herpes after a mistake or what we consider a mistake. Personally, I made the mistake of having sex with a guy who "got around" very frequently and he was my only partner. He had never had an outbreak and still has not had one; it is a lot rarer for guys to have outbreaks than women. When I was diagnosed I felt like my life was completely over. I talked to my mom, however, and she was very very supportive. She assured me that my life was NOT over and that dating was still very plausible. The best way to deal with herpes is to reach out, tell someone that you trust and have them support you. Read up on it. And remember, your life is NOT over. You can be in a healthy relationship with somebody herpe-free. The thought of "who would want ME?!" has kept me up many nights, but I know that there is someone out there! Thanks..

misslovely

1/30/10 9:10am

yea i know how you feel. I was 14 when i got my first and only outbreak (oral). i didn't know what it was. I had never kissed anyone, i scorned people so i never shared food, etc. but when i became interested in guys i felt hopeless and distroyed many relationships before they even started beause i didnt want them to get it, even though it was a slim chance in them getting it since my herpes wasnt active. now im 18, never had a real boyfriend, never had a good kiss, and im more hopeless than ever as a result. im depressed about it, i have a horrible lonely feeling, expecially since i feel so limited now and all i've ever wanted was a partner. and i can't tell anyone because they all think its gross. all i can do is hope that they come out with a cure, or vaccine so that i can even TRY to start a relationship without the overwhelming fear of rejection.so many males are so into looks, and so disgusted by herpes and other imperfections. i know that the peson who rejects me for herpes wont be worth it, but who really wants to date a person for a week, and say...hey..i have herpes. and if you dont say it (which you should never do) some innocent soul gets hurt and upset.

i got my second outbreak recently. it may have been caused by lack of sleep, stress and unhealthy eating habits but the fact that the putbreak happened TWO WEEKS after i kissed the second person i've ever kissed in life, makes me worried that he probably had it and passed it onto me(plus, stress and all mentioned above is very usual for me yet ive only had one outbreak). he had a bump near his lip that i asked about, and he said it was nothing, and then immediately initiated our first and last kiss. i never got tested for herpes, and since i only had one breakout and i never kissed anyone before that time i was hoping it wasnt herpes. but i definately have it now. a part of me believes he gave it to me, and i would be upset if he did because he didnt tell me about it while initiating a kiss and he also told me he had gotten tested.If you are with someone, and you have a herpes outbreak i believe you should tell them.

anyway, i have useful information to anyone interested. some toothpaste literally sends herpes into remission. i used toothpaste two hours after i noticed the second outbreak. it tingled, and then it noticably stopped growing, then grew smaller over the next days. no one noticed. i burned my lip with the toothpaste, but thats ok, no one noticed that either. you cannot use this in the genitals, however you can use the ingredient used in toothpaste to kill oral and genital herpes LOCALLY. and it has been made into a medicine. the ingredient is called sodium lauryl sulfate. google it, and get the medicine. i hope i helped someone living with this simple, yet change changing disease.

Mat

1/31/10 12:51am

Hi misslovely, let me invite you to join http://www.stidatingclub.com/ It is a dating site for people with herpes, hpv and any other std. Try it, there are thousands of singles with herpes who can share their experience with you and you can find your date mate (without fear of being rejected) there.

misslovely

3/21/10 4:03am

thanks for the advise, i will try out that site one day, but for now, i dont think i like the idea of inernet dating. i've never done that before and i feel like im too young for that, im only a freshman in college.

18 years old, and really confused

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