Stupidity at 16 changed my life forever

By Jules Saturday, April 11, 2009

- A
- A
- A

Iwas 16 with little sexual experience, I was still a virgin. I went to a friends house & got VERY drunk & passed out the next thing I knew I had someone on top of me. I remember agreeing to a few things that were done to me after that. (I didn't feel like I could say no.)A couple of days later I woke up with horrible genital pain, blisters everywhere,even down my throat. My mom took me to the Dr. after I told her what happened, she blamed me. I had herpes. I lost myself after that I slept with 3 different guys & didn't tell them about the herpes. I still feel guilty about that to this day, 27 years later. I didn't tell my ex until I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter. He started running around on me. Then I felt guilty for everyone he infected. I stayed with him until 9 years ago. Beating myself up all the way. The last 9 years I've done a lot of growing up.I finally feel like maybe it's time to start dating. I just don't know how to tell someone about the herpes let alone my past.

Comments (7) | Add comment

RussB

4/19/09 2:37pm

Hi, I think you have punished yourself far too long. You made a choice a long time ago that you are still dealing with the physical consequences of, but the more devastating consequences are the emotional and spiritual consequences which medicine cannot treat. Please forgive yourself for being a child and making childish choices nearly 30 years ago. When you meet somebody new, first spend some time to get to know how serious you potentially might be, and then early in the relationship be open and honest about your situation. If he is right for you, then he will be understanding and accepting. If he is not right for you, then it is better to find out early before you get emotionally invested.

Jules

4/19/09 6:16pm

Thank you for your nice response. I wrote this after a lot of soul searching. I honestly thought that the response would be negative, but I knew it was time to deal with All of the ramifications, the good, the bad and the ugly. I am working on forgiveness very slowly. I know I can't change what happened only the way I respond to it .

Thank you again,

jules

Aunt CeCe

4/24/09 12:27pm

The past is just that, the past. You can't change it, so learn from it and make something positive that you can use to change the future. Forgiveness is the most important gift you can give to yourself.

Jules

6/ 4/09 2:04pm

Thank You Aunt CeCe. I appreciate your comment. I'm learning the art of forgiveness. For others there is no learning curve for myself......

I don't know if I will get to the point of being able to date again. Sometimes I think yes I can and other days too many doubts to describe. I would love to date and be able to tell someone about my herpes and my past but...........

One day maybe

atrug

6/ 3/09 9:54pm

Just so you know. You may not have ever passed this to anyone. iIf you had signs/symptoms when you slept with them, yes maybe, but theres a 4% chance that you did. Only 4 % chance. Go here.........( It is what it is. Move on.)

http://blogs.webmd.com/genital-herpes-intimate-conversations/2005/12/herpes-transmission-facts.html#113856059695262372

Jules

6/ 4/09 2:18pm

I know one definitely did. I don't know about any of the others. Thank You for that information. I honestly didn't know that. I feel better knowing about the 4% chance. Hopefully the rest didn't get them.

Thank you,

Julie

AAnnT

6/ 6/09 5:48pm

Last sat night, I slept with someone and I know I have Herpes, but was so obliterated that I don't even remember being with him. We were drinking and I was totally irresponsible.

Yesterday, when I finally go out of him what really happened, I had to tell him. I was so nervous and he is pissed. Really pissed. The worse part is he's my boss at my new job and I really liked him.

Well, one day at a time, but he keeps telling me that I had no right to ruin his life. I pray he won't have it, but I know how you feel. It's awful......

But they also needed to be responsible, too. 1 in 4 people have this. It's like everywhere!

Stupidity at 16 changed my life forever

Ask a Question