Hi. I was diagnosed with herpes just over 2 years ago and have been in monogamous relationship for the last year. I have been taking valtrex on a daily basis since i found out i was infected. I have never had an outbreak and chose not to tell my partner of a year. Now I'm pregnant and I'm terrified of passing the infection on to my child during delivery. And i'm even more terrified of telling my partner. I don't know how to go about telling him and not even sure that i should because i'm afraid that he will want to end the relationship and i will be left alone raising our child. What should i do or say?


Hi distraught,
Thanks for sharing your situation with us. If you've read any other Shareposts, you'll know that there are many people who have similar situations as you, especially your fear of telling your partner. I'm not a doctor, and cannot tell you what to do or say exactly, but I also have herpes so I may be able to help.
In regards to your pregnancy, you should definitely see a doctor and tell him/her that you have herpes. There is a risk you could pass herpes on to your baby, but it's not a guarantee, and, in fact, many women with herpes have given birth to herpes-free babies. But the doctor will know the best way to go about all this. In the meantime, check out our page on Complications, which has a lot of information on this topic.
As for telling your partner, that is an issue that pops up here a lot. In fact, you can find many resources about it including the section on Dating and Relationships and my own two-part Shareposts, specifically exploring the issue of telling your partner, called Setting the Scene and Breaking the News. You may also learn a lot by reading Shareposts and comments on those by other member of this community. In sum, I say that the right thing to do is to tell your partner. Educate yourself about herpes first, so you know how to discuss it with him. That will make it much easier. Chances are he will love you and his future child just the same as always. And I say that after having told several people myself, and taking into account many others' experiences that I have heard about. You may be surprised to see how understanding he will be, especially if you are knowledgeable about the subject. He will probably be concerned with "where" you got it from, so you might want to be prepared for that. I go into more detail about what to say in my aforementioned Shareposts, so I hope you check them out!
I wish you the best of luck and hope you come back and give us an update!
PJ