So confused about sharin

By distraught Saturday, August 02, 2008

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Hi. I was diagnosed with herpes just over 2 years ago and have been in monogamous relationship for the last year. I have been taking valtrex on a daily basis since i found out i was infected. I have never had an outbreak and chose not to tell my partner of a year. Now I'm pregnant and I'm terrified of passing the infection on to my child during delivery. And i'm even more terrified of telling my partner. I don't know how to go about telling him and not even sure that i should because i'm afraid that he will want to end the relationship and i will be left alone raising our child. What should i do or say?

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Penelope James, Health Guide

8/ 5/08 12:15am

Hi distraught,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us. If you've read any other Shareposts, you'll know that there are many people who have similar situations as you, especially your fear of telling your partner. I'm not a doctor, and cannot tell you what to do or say exactly, but I also have herpes so I may be able to help.

In regards to your pregnancy, you should definitely see a doctor and tell him/her that you have herpes. There is a risk you could pass herpes on to your baby, but it's not a guarantee, and, in fact, many women with herpes have given birth to herpes-free babies. But the doctor will know the best way to go about all this. In the meantime, check out our page on Complications, which has a lot of information on this topic.

As for telling your partner, that is an issue that pops up here a lot. In fact, you can find many resources about it including the section on Dating and Relationships and my own two-part Shareposts, specifically exploring the issue of telling your partner, called Setting the Scene and Breaking the News. You may also learn a lot by reading Shareposts and comments on those by other member of this community. In sum, I say that the right thing to do is to tell your partner. Educate yourself about herpes first, so you know how to discuss it with him. That will make it much easier. Chances are he will love you and his future child just the same as always. And I say that after having told several people myself, and taking into account many others' experiences that I have heard about. You may be surprised to see how understanding he will be, especially if you are knowledgeable about the subject. He will probably be concerned with "where" you got it from, so you might want to be prepared for that. I go into more detail about what to say in my aforementioned Shareposts, so I hope you check them out!

I wish you the best of luck and hope you come back and give us an update!

rhernandez

8/ 7/08 7:18pm

dont tell him. You could have got it from him. If he has ever had mouth cold sores, and has ever given you oral sex, there you go. Explain it that way.There you go...

rhernandez

8/ 7/08 11:02pm

I am no doctor, my wife had the same concern, It was another excuse to have a cesarian section. I do not know if its true, unknown risk that if you have active herpes at delivery it may get in the eyes. I did not want to risk , we did not have any active outbreaks so we were able to do a non-vaginal delivery. Also when the child is alive , limit kisses to his/her lips if you have active herpes in your mouth so your child willnot get. He may get it anyway from french kissing his girlfriend when grown. It is what is what is, I never knew how I got it,I just can guess. Bottom line, Check this out..Maybe a doctor can comment if I did the right thing and do what he suggests, some of this may be urban legends??

leila

8/ 9/08 9:22am

Hi there. Just wanted to support you in this moment. I read a lot about the pregnancry and herepes. There is a lot of ways to protect your baby. If you don't have an breakout at the moment you're giving a birth you're probably not gonna pass it on to your baby. But what they very often suggest is taking garlic. Of course there are garlic pills you can buy in the farmacy. The garlic is well known as a good protector against the viruses. I've been taking it since a year ago, when I found out that I have herpes, and never had a breakout since, so it should work for you as well. And it can't harm your baby. Of course talk to your doctor, there are a lot of ways to go about this. Good luck with everything.

P.S. Can I ask what kind of protection do you use with your partner. Is it just valtrex that helped you not to pass herpes to your partner?

Anonymous

8/15/08 1:32pm

omg, people! this woman is so worried and you start with garlic, and not kissing on the face??!!!

if you have herpes YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR DOCTOR! WHY? Because the bABY not only can get the herpes but there can be brain complications ---and you DON'T WANT A BABY WITH PROBLEMS .

if you don't want to tell your partner fine, but it's a must to tell your dr

PS" garlic has nthg to do with the herpes, garlic might help your imune system but that's it

Aunt CeCe

4/24/09 12:46pm

I totally understand your fear but how can you continue to carry such an emotional burden? Your doctor must be told immediately for the sake of your baby. Regarding your partner, if the situation were reversed, how would you feel if he had not told you? My baby and I were infected without our knowledge or consent.

So confused about sharin

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