I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now. We have had our ups and downs but in the end we always find our way back to one another. We had sex last week and within a day all the signs were there (for me) of herpes. I freaked out, went to a doctor and was told that it does, in fact, look like herpes. She took some tests and I won't know for sure until 2 weeks from now. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, and he is unbelievably calm; trying to convince me that things will be ok. He keeps telling me we are in this together and just to wait for the results. I feel like I just hit a brick wall. I keep going back and forth in emotional dysfunction: 1)being thankful I'm still alive and it could be much worse, 2) wondering how this could possibly be happening when I have always been careful and been in long-term committed relationships. Even my doctor explained to me that the only way I could have truly protected myself against not getting it was to never have sex. Now, i think my boyfriend is more scared of having given it to me (if he tests positive), and I'm scared he's going to leave me. I keep randomly bursting into tears because it just doesn't make sense to me, not to mention the last week has been the most physically painful time of my entire life. I feel so alone, so scared and I don't know how to control my emotions about this. I have little desire to do anything anymore, I constantly think about herpes, read about it and am losing my mind. Some people on this site have written very positive comments of relationships, new beginnings and how life isn't over because of herpes. What I'd like to ask is how did you overcome this, learn to live with it, and remain positive on a daily basis?
Thanks in advance for any responses.
I know it doesn't seem like it at first. I have only had herpes for almost 2 years now. I still have questions that come up from time to time but the more I learn about it, the more I am ok with it. Yes, it sucks, but it isn't the end of the world or does it mean that I can't have a life. The guy I got it from and I had been in a serious relationship at the time. He had never had any symptoms. He had been tested prior to our involvement pretty recently but nothing had shown up. I am not sure if they test for herpes unless you know to ask for the test. We thought everything would be fine. I know the feelings you are facing now. I couldn't figure out how it was possible that I got it or if it could even be that. I went to the pharmacy and the lady there helped me more that any of the doctors could have. She had it and was diagnosed about 20 years ago. Since then she had, had a marriage and two kids. She told me about how it never went away but in time it got easier. Since then I am no longer with the guy I got it from. That was my biggest worry. How was I supposed to be with someone else when I have this awful thing? It turned out that both the guys I have dated since then have been pretty cool about it. Now it is true that many people have it already. It is also a worry that even protected the other people can get it. It is reduced but not gone. I can't tell you that you won't think about it. With time you accept it, and that makes you worry about it less. As I have only had it a relatively short time I am not sure how much it will go away with time. It will be a tough issue if you get into new relationships but I hope you get to have the same experience I have had with that, in that the guys are understanding and don't judge. I know that will not always be the case but I hope the best for you. My other worry is about when I want to have children. I have been told that there will be no problems. If it looks like there is even a minute chance that my child/ children could get it I will have a C-section. I hope this helps. Remember that it will all be OK!! : ) With time it will lessen and become less of a worry also.
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for your insightful words. I hope one day I feel as strong as you. Honestly, if it wasn't for this site, I probably would have lost my mind by now. I still wake up and the first thing that comes to mind is that I feel great, then it's followed by...don't forget there is a disease brewing in me. I hope you are right about dating with herpes. Not that I'm looking elsewhere than my boyfriend; but I, as you were, am terrified that we are going to breakup. It could just be me going crazy, but it already feels like he is slipping away. I feel like I'm living a double life. I have always been honest with my parents but can't find the courage to tell them. Not that it's any of their business but I feel like I'm hiding something huge from them; also, when I first found out, I was really moody, crying and angry and they had no clue why. The only people that know are my boyfriend and my doctor. I just feel so empty...
But thank you again Stephanie, and anyone else reading this...it's nice to know that I'm not alone and there are a lot of great people out there willing to listen and help in this scary time that I now call 'my life'.
First I just want to say I am sorry that you are yet another victim of this virus but like Stephanie says everything will be ok. Your story sounds similar to mine. I've been living with herpes for 10 months now and its been a long road but when I look back over everything there's nothing that I probably would have changed so I say this is my mistake and I will deal with it.
Unfortunately I think being confused, angry, sad, depressed and whatever feelings you have helps you to deal with it in the long run. You have to DEAL with it in these ways before you can accept it, live with it and move on. I remember I'd be fine until I got an outbreak and then I'd feel all those emotions all over again. It wasn't until I physically got tired of crying, thinking about it, being angry etc that I fell to my knees and told the Lord that I was done and I was going to let him take over. It takes alot out of you and only you can determine when you're ready to move forward. I've had sucess in my relationship with a person who does not have herpes and I told them after we got to know each other. Just know there will be many ups and downs and even after you forgive yourself and the person who gave it to you, you probably will still have down moments but don't let them control and take over your life! You have so much to live for and just know it could have always been worse.
Good luck with everything and I'm sure when you are ready you will find that special someone that will not care about your condition and will love you in spite of it.
Stephanie: I am 2 months preggo and I DO NOT want a C-section but if that time calls for one I will get one ,anything to keep my baby from being exposed. When you decide to have kids I'm sure you will be fine too!
First I just want to say I am sorry that you are yet another victim of this virus but like Stephanie says everything will be ok. Your story sounds similar to mine. I've been living with herpes for 10 months now and its been a long road but when I look back over everything there's nothing that I probably would have changed so I say this is my mistake and I will deal with it.
Unfortunately I think being confused, angry, sad, depressed and whatever feelings you have helps you to deal with it in the long run. You have to DEAL with it in these ways before you can accept it, live with it and move on. I remember I'd be fine until I got an outbreak and then I'd feel all those emotions all over again. It wasn't until I physically got tired of crying, thinking about it, being angry etc that I fell to my knees and told the Lord that I was done and I was going to let him take over. It takes alot out of you and only you can determine when you're ready to move forward. I've had sucess in my relationship with a person who does not have herpes and I told them after we got to know each other. Just know there will be many ups and downs and even after you forgive yourself and the person who gave it to you, you probably will still have down moments but don't let them control and take over your life! You have so much to live for and just know it could have always been worse.
Good luck with everything and I'm sure when you are ready you will find that special someone that will not care about your condition and will love you in spite of it.
Stephanie: I am 2 months preggo and I DO NOT want a C-section but if that time calls for one I will get one ,anything to keep my baby from being exposed. When you decide to have kids I'm sure you will be fine too!
Thank you both for your responses. I've kind of been on a hiatus recently; still researching stuff, waiting for my results. Well, I got the phone call this morning from my doctor, official diagnosis: genital herpes simplex type 1. I can't stop crying. It's weird...even though I figured I had it before I got the results it's like I'm shocked all over again. I guess it's because now it's official. FUCK im so scared. (sorry for the language). I'm so scared to tell my boyfriend...he still hasn't been tested, I think he's really scared too of the possibility of this nightmare being real. I have been trying so hard to stay positive throughout all of this but really...breaking down is happening more and more.
When I was pregnant my doctor told me I had no reason to worry about delivering naturally. While there are risks to the baby coming through the vaginal cavity if the mother has herpes, the complications are only present when the mother has an outbreak at the time of birth. In this case there is a medication the mother can take to prevent this.