I can completely relate with you. I just found out a few weeks ago that I have GH. I am freaking out. i spend all my time researching this disease hoping that there is something else wrong with me; since the viral culture came back negative. I was in a relationship with my BF for about 5 months but have known him longer that that. When I told him he was accepting of it, was supportive over the phone but didn't want to see me in person. I felt like I was contaminated. My own BF that gave me this (most likely) and didn't have enough balls to see me in person. His excuse was that he felt guilty if he was the one that gave this to me and would feel even more like crap seeing me in person and seeing me in pain. I am sad all the time.  I feel so alone. I try to hold back my tears when I am out in public. When I am driving in the car I just want to cry, when I am out with my friends I want to be alone and cry. Like you, I used to be a happy person all the time. I can't seem to get to that happy place again. I haven't told anyone about this that I know becasue I am so ashamed and embarrassed and upset with myself. The only person I thought I could talk to was my BF but I don't think he will come around and help me through this. A few things that are working for me is that I joined a support group in my area. It is helping me get over the feeling of being alone in this. Maybe that might be an option for you. I have also made a list of all the things I am grateful for in my life and the beautiful things about me that I have to offer another. This is helping me discover myself again and convincing me that I am a great person and some day someone will accept me for who I am and what I have to offer.  Not sure if this helps but it feels good to vent.

Sam

1/ 6/09 8:54pm

I was a very happy person too.  When I am in no more pain from the post herpetic neuralgia I will certainly find that happiness once again, even if I have the herpes virus in my central nervious system.  I can only hope for the best. I know there is a God who has a plan for me, and who will guide my doctors in the right direction so my treatment can be successful. 

    I found out that I had herpes when I got a blister around sept 17th 2008.  I also felt many of the things that you are feeling.  I went through a lot with my last boyfriend.  I went through emotional pain etc... All I want you to know is that I have relied on a lot of different things to get through this.  Number one, my mom had to come take care of me because I was crying all of the time, not eating and heavily depressed.  In addition, about a year before I had my genital blister, I had had a series of yeast infections back to back and I even changed my diet.  I thought it had to do with my eating habits and the fact that I was sleeping with my boyfriend without condoms and I felt it was changing the ph of my vagina. Well... I have relied on God first and for most.  I have relied on my mom and her prayers.  I have relied on two excellent gyn doctors.  A very good female gyn doctor that discussed my diet with me.  Your diet should be high on foods that have a higher ratio of lysine vs. arginine.  You need to avoid nuts, caffeine, alcohol, processed sugars and anything that lowers your immune system.  You need to eat the following things, veggies, fish, fresh fruits, particularly beet juice mixed with other fruits, and dark grape juice made in a juicer.  I have a much longer list of foods, but i can't seem to find it at this right moment.  Second of all, I am on the suppressive 1 gram a day valtrex medication, so I don't get outbrakes.  Now, that's not necessary for everyone, but for me it is.  The reason why I needed to get on the suppressive is because I have my genital blister in a place full of nerves in my genitalia, and due to that I ended up developing something called genital postherpetic neuralgia.  Its constant nerve pain which hurts and burns throughout the day even when I don't have a blister.  Right now I am being treated with anticonvulsants for the nerve pain.  The medication is called Lyrica and I am hoping it will help me with the nerve pain, and I need to stay optimistic and positive that it will, as it can be a chronic condition.  Next,  I was fortunate to find excellent doctors that were able to diagnosed and begin treating my condition, as it has now become a central nervious neurological condition.  So as you can imagine, that is why I am on Valtrex suppressive therapy.  I also, became so depressed over this that my therapist, (I was fortunate that I have been in therapy for  a few years), who had never seen me so depressed, suggested I start taking some antidepressant, antianxiety medication, and obsessive compulsive medication ( all in one single pill in the morning).  Its called lexapro 15 milligrams.  The reason why I need to take it right now, is that since I am in constant pain, the psychotropic medication releases some chemicals that help me with my pain receptors so I also feel less pain/ and I am not as depressed in pain thinking that my life is over. I take half of a klonopin pill .5 to be able to sleep at night and get less anxious, as this herpes was giving me a panic attack and nightmares.  Now, the Obssessive compulsive tendencies developed because everytime I had an it, I would think that it was a yeast infection like before. I would get all worried about eating carbs etc.. or anything that could give me a yeast infection.So I was so depressed, and worried I stopped eating and dropped to 98 pounds, after being 116 pounds.  Now, I want you to know that I am a beautiful 34 year old woman inside and out.  Right now, I am in constant pain due to the neuralgia to the point that I have worried about how this will affect my future sex life and children rearing practices.  I know I shouldn't get stressed, or eat chocolates (they have arginine). You know, as I have now began going through this journey, now I realize what's really important in my life.  I took my health for granted before, now I don't anymore.  This has been the most humbling experience of my life. It humbled me to the ground.  If I was a good person before, now I don't take anything for granted and I am even a better person.  The times that I feel good are precious now.  I was withdrawn and did not want to see my friends or socialize for a while, especially before I knew I had neuralgia.  All I new at the time is that the pain would not go away after the blister went away and did not know why.  Telling my story to the people who love me and care about me has helped me tremendously.  At work my boss has been so helpful with me and my doctor's appointments.  My friends are being extremely supportive.  I now know that I don't need to rely on the approval of any man, so I can feel worth it.  Herpes, slowly but surely has changed my life completely, but in the long run it has already started making me a better person.  I suffer from a skin dermatitis in addition to genital herpes and yeast infections in my genitalia.  Its hereditary from mom, the dermititis is called lichen symplex chronicus.  You know what, if everyone tells me I will probably be ok, then you must believe that you will too.  Imagine if you were in my shoes.  Just count your lucky stars and your blessings.  At least you don't have all of the extra things I have, and that's a blessing in itself.  Also, love yourself no matter what.  Men will come and go sometimes, but God, your parents, your family and friends won't abandone you.  I wish I could help you more.  As a matter of fact google christopher scipio.  He wrote a homeopathic book on treating herpes holistically.  Its an amazing book. Get it through amazon.com  .  Trust me if I did not have a neurological condition as a result of this herpes I would be going holistically myself.  Also google a list of foods that have lysine vs. arginine and follow that to help you reduce outbrakes.  If I can someday be ok, then you must certainly be ok.  We need to have blind faith.  I really wish I could be more helpful... I hope this will give you some ideas about your course of treatment.  But definitely google scipio's book.  I read it and thought it was excellent.