A brave new world...all over again

How you interpret, cope and move on from difficult experiences shows character, bravery and levels of maturity. When I found out I had herpes (back in November 2008) I thought my life was over. When I told my boyfriend he was hostile and unsupportive. After a week, he came around to "deal with this together" but anytime I asked questions, I got the cold shoulder and he didn't want to talk about it. He never got tested/if he did, wouldn't tell me the results. Even when I was with him I felt alone/betrayed/untrusting and decided last weekend that I couldn't deal with it anymore and ended our relationship. I guess the interesting thing about this (to me anyway) is that I learned that I define my successes through my boyfriend and how we are "doing as a couple". Even when almost everyone that knew me told me that he wasn't right for me, I stayed in the relationship...thinking that it is what I needed in order to be happy. Going against that and breaking up with him was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I did love him, but knowing that he wouldn't be there for me during the most difficult time in my life (herpes diagnosis) was telling of his true nature. All this to say, that I thought my life was over all over again, when it really hit that my relationship died and this will be the first time we haven't and won't get back together. But now, I am starting to see a clearer more positive journey ahead. Life isn't over, this is just a new beginning. A new beginning where life is still the same except I need a paradigm shift to think about relationships as a whole and that I am just as valueable as my future partner will be to me. I haven't been single in 3 years, (being only 22 that seems like a big deal...haha) and this is a whole new thing to be adjusted to. Even though it breaks my heart to be taking medication everyday and experience outbreaks now and again, there is so much out there to experience, so much to live for and learn. I loved life before, but my downtimes were plummets; now as compared to the day my doctor told me I had herpes, life's little pains are put into perspective and I appreciate the little things so much more. Despite everything that has occurred I don't necessarily regret any of it, providing I can learn something and move forward. I can confidently say that I am moving past the anger, not actually into acceptance yet...but more so into a place where I just want to live again.

To all the people that have read my shareposts, written replies and comments...you are the reasons I am not in deep depression right now. I have only told but four people in my life (my now ex-boyfriend, my 2 best friends and my doctor), and it is all the people out in sharepost community that truly understand what I am going through and can relate best to my experience. We are all in this together...finally seeing it from a more positive perspective makes all the difference. Thank you for your help