Finding out

By stunned09 Saturday, October 10, 2009

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Hi Everyone,

I've recently found out that I have genital herpes. Big shocker! I seriously wanted to die. I never thought something like this would ever happen to me. I thought I was careful in choosing who I was intimate with, but guess not. What will bother me is, I'll never know who gave it to me. Sucks! Anyway, I've only told two people. One a potential mate who may not be a potential mate anymore (lol) and the last person I had sex with without a condom and that was before I did my reading about herpes. I haven't told my best friend, probably never will or my family. Since it's still very new to me (like last week new), I find myself crying often a lot. I'm not really sure about this potential mate because I met him when I was waiting on results and I told him don't get attached just yet because you may not want me. Then I told him. We're still talking. He's saying his feelings haven't changed but he's angry at the situation, but I told him we'll have to sit down and educate ourselves together before things get serious between us because we met for a reason and that was looking for someone to love and grow with forever. I'm just tired of the crying and along with other with others, I wish this never happened to me...now what???

stunned and don't know what to do

Comments (25) | Add comment

Anonymous

10/18/09 3:43pm

I have been living with genital herpes for a little over 3 years. Trust me that it has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with and just like you, I too will never know who gave it to me and have cried many of times feeling "damaged". A few months after my results, I met someone. As we became close, I felt the need to be honest. It was the 2nd time I had said it aloud and to my surprise being honest did not change one thing. We are still in a relationship and find that communication is the key. Learn what makes your body breakout and do research together. If the person loves you, this information will not matter. I haven't had as many outbreaks as the first year. Believe it or not, it does get better overtime and you begin to forget and live life normally. I do not take the 1 pill a day. I personally feel that treating my breakouts as they come works better for me - plus your body does not become immune to the medication. I guess that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. Perhaps write a journal during your breakouts to record patterns - then you'll learn how to avoid or what causes your breakouts. I think my biggest challenge today is to continue to remind myself that I'm not a bad person or "damaged goods" because of my disease. I am (and you are) just as good as anyone else! Hope this was helpful. In a way you have helped me too! thanks!

lomeli

11/ 2/09 2:27am

I found out about it eleven months ago. I was very depress but now I'm trying to be strong and enjoy my life. I haven't date because I'm not ready to tell someone about my condition. I know that one day is gonna happen and I have to be ready for rejection. I still need to accept this but its hard specially when I did things proper and the condom failed...My ex gave this to me but thats the past.... I just hope that one day I could accept this 100%

chels_92

1/ 5/10 12:13am

i just found out i have it yesterday i thought i had a yeast infection but i thought wrong im only 17 im not a bad person i dont think iv always been there for who needs me in any way the first time i had sex with out a comdom the guy i first loved its scary please talk to me

stunned09

1/12/10 8:10pm

Hey Chels. I know what you're going through. Trust me, but I'm here to tell you that it definitely gets better. From the time I started this blog until now, I've honestly believe I've found the person that I'm to be with for the rest of my life. He knows I have herpes and it doesn't bother him because he sees me (the person I am inside). So, I'm no longer depressed about the situation. I've been taking valtrex daily and it really helps me. I haven't had an ob since. I'm here for you. I'm sorry it took me too long to respond but I did read your message the night you wrote it. Anything you want to ask, I'm here to help in any way I can. Just hit me back. I know this is hard to digest, but just remember it really does get better. Don't let this run or ruin your life.

dove

1/24/10 1:43pm

Hi-

I could use your help! I am 48 years old and got infected by my ex-finance - it was terrible - but I have learn to live with it - until now. I have met what I believe to be my soul mate - and I told him the news -- he is having trouble dealing with it -- we are both so sad and miserable -- he is afraid of two things 1- that there is no way to prevent it- even if I continue to take the surpression drugs and he uses condoms 2- he say what if we go out for three years and then break up and he has the virus?

I have done my research women infecting men 4% chance and then if you take precautions 2% chance ---- How do I help him - me - us? I have never met anyone like this man --

HELP!!!

stunned09

1/26/10 3:38pm

Hey Dove,

Well from the book that I've read, the chances of spreading are close to 0% if you're taking meds and using condoms. 2% if taking meds and no condoms and 4% if taking no precautions. The book is called The Good News About the Bad News: Herpes: Everything You Need to Know by Terri Warren, RN, NP. I think it's a very good book and answered all of my questions and even questions I didn't think about. I guess I would say give him time to come to realization. If he's not educated on the matter, then help him out with that. That would be something you guys could do together. I'm guessing he knows your feelings for him. He shouldn't worry about years from now, I know where he's coming from. It just sounds like a lack of education about it and researching together can possibly make you guys even closer. My advice to you is if you feel like he's your soulmate, don't give up. I know it's hard times. I just had a situation where I felt very bad for a moment, but my bf made me feel much much better. If you need anything else, I'm just an email away.

stunned09

1/26/10 3:41pm

Oh one more thing, there's always a chance of spreading it, but the chances are very very small when using condoms and taking meds and watching your body for signs and symptoms. I don't want anyone to take my previous stats literally, but that just came from the book.

dove

1/28/10 10:58am

Thanks for your email. thought I would share this will you and see what you think.

We went to my ob/gyn on Monday - she was great - however she told us the facts straight - there are no guarentees.

So Tuesday - he told me - we should go our seperate ways -- it feels awful - though -if I had the chance to make the decision - I do wonder what I would have choosen --

Any thoughts?

thanks for your time and words it help to know I am not alone.

asking advice

2/24/10 1:37am

For those of you that have contracted herpes, what advice do you have to those who are as of present, herpes free? e.g. live on, protection, wait for marriage?

thanks

fedup !!

10/19/09 2:38pm

i have suffered with herpes for over 12 months but unfortunately it appears every month a week before my period is due, i have tried suppressive therapy and unfortunately after about 6 months of taking the tablets the first month i stopped it came back ...... so the doctor recommended changing my pill to the mini pill as it could be caused by a hormonal imbalance so this month i decided that as it had been a few months since the change i would stop the suppressive therapy and guess what ...... it came back :( so i guess it will be another trip to the doctors to see what else i can try as i am not keen on taking tablets for suppressive therapy for a length of time but cant live with it coming out every 4 weeks as it has been for the past 12 months or more .... unless anyone has any other suggestions ????

needanswers

10/21/09 12:44am

Honestly... If the pills work, why stop taking them? I did extensive research on one of the medications.... acyclovir.... and found that the vast majority of people have no serious side effects. Some allergic reactions... but you would know right away on that and you didnt mention a problem with anything like that. You may want to periodically check to see that your kidneys are functioning well, but otherwise.... what is different than taking a pill that inhibits the virus from replicating.... vs taking hormone pills to prevent pregnancy? Based on my research you are at greater risk on birth control or hormone replacement (clots... etc).... so if Meds work... you are VERY lucky. You will also reduce your chances of passing the virus on to someone else. Good luck!

Shockedbyit

10/22/09 2:33pm

You sound just like me. I only found out this Monday. I was with someone for two years and after we broke up I got tested for everything. This is the only thing that's positive and I've been going crazy ever since. I've told two people, both potential mates but we were just in the getting to know you phase. One of them says it changes nothing for him and he hopes to still pursue a relationship with me. The other says it definitely changes things for him but he still calls and IMs to check how I'm coping, he's very angered by it and hates the guy who did it. I'm just happy to have found this site and I'm looking for better days, don't know how but I just hope one day I won't think about it every second of every day!

Victoria

11/ 1/09 12:11pm

I moved back in with my E-husband. almost a year later after he found he had herpes,a blister came up on him. as for me I have yet to have a break out. I wak every morning with HERPES on my mind every single day chick. I CRY everyday,if not all day. I'am 41 years of age.and I do not love my ex-husband anymore,and feel stuck because of this disease. I do not want to DATE,because I do not want to go thourgh all this SHIT of telling anyone. I feel NASTY even when I get out of the shower. I do not have the urge to want to have intercourse any more. I feel like my life is over.then I about people that are sickr then me and feel bad for the way I feel about not wanting to live anymore. We as women (yes have sex even with men we do not know, because we are looking for LOVE) not actual SEX, but that is how men have made this situtation the ACT itself.(SEX). So therefore this is what we do. I feel you and me,and other people like us. I wished we hd a self help program in my area. BUT DON't.

I wished I could give you my cell #. but I do not think this site will let me.

Sad003

11/ 2/09 8:52pm

I definitely feel you on that, i dont have the urge to have sex anymore..i mean whats the point it only gets you in trouble! am a single mom of a 5 & 3 year old and i dont need or want sex anymore and maybe thats good cus i am focusing more on my kids, and me.

Sad003

11/ 2/09 8:55pm

oops, i was responding to victoria..am new at this

Victoria

11/ 2/09 10:40pm

I feel the same way when I found out in April of 2009. I nasty as it is,much less about havinf sex. which by the way I LOVED. Like you I focus on other things and maybe that is why.I don't know and I will never know in this life time,and it will not matter in the life there after. Love,Peace. You have 2 beautiful children and that takes president over al and anything. But I'll bet ya "you will find someone if you have'nt already".AND KNOW THIS I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ND WHAT YOU THINK AND WHT GOES THOURGH YOUR MIND,AND I DO MEAN I KNOW! FROM SEX TO PEEING , TO TAKING A SHOWER AND WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU ARE IN THERE.

samantha

11/ 9/09 4:03am

I too have have hsv and I can totally agree with you on not having the urge to have sex anymore.... ever! I have two small children and in the middle of a divorce. Every day is a roller coaster of emotions, who will ever want me, how can i ever be in a relationship w/ someone other then my husband (who also has it). I am completely damaged goods! After everything my husbands put me through i think (to myself) I am probably better off staying with him. If not i will forever be by myself. who will want to be with me risking that they too will might get hsv?

Tinkerbell

11/11/09 7:40pm

I know waht you mean Samantha, I went back to my EX- Husband afyer 2 years, moved in a year and half later I have this. and he accuses me all the time of giving it to him. he had it almost a year before I got it. So I can identify with this F*** up disease. it makes me sick and I diffienitly feel like DAMAGE GOODS. I feel for you having children too. I hate him. and I hate to say that. don't think I could go on a date and say, " OH BY THE WAY,- I HAVE HERPIES, WANT TO ??????????

I wished we had a Herpies group here. It would be great to go to a group once a week to release angry, saddness, feeling sorry for yourself. etc. That would be extremly helpful.

Tinkerbel

11/11/09 7:41pm

I changed Victoria to Tinkerbell.

samantha

11/13/09 12:07am

Tinkerbell, I can't imagine going to a group meeting and telling everyone there i have this. I am so incredible embaressed, god forbid someone will recognize me & tell the rest of the world! How the hell do you date after this? I mean really who's going to be ok with possibly contracting a contagious disease? As soon as i say "oh by the way I kinda have had a few hsv outbreaks in the past" they are going to run for the hills! and who knows who they might tell on the way. Thats what really worries me. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life because of this, but I fear that is my future. So sad. I really dont like my husband much anymore really am having a hard time coming to some decision on whether to stay b/c of the hsv. He has it too, i wonder why he doesn't seem to be worried about it?

Nice to find a place I can vent and have someone understand how im feeling. Thx

Sad003

2/26/10 10:42am

i know how u feel, i would be embarrassed as hell to go to a group meeting!! i dont even want my family to know i have it for gods sake! But on the other hand it would be nice to go somewhere and vent! i watched the Doctors TV show the other day and the woman they had on had Herpes and i was like this lady has some courage to go public with it!

simso

11/ 4/09 8:29pm

I found out that I had HPV right as i was splitting with my husband. I was so angry at him! I was 28 at the time and thought I was damaged goods and no one wanted me. When I told the guy I'm with now about the HPV, he was more worried about how this affected me more than himself. There are good Men out there, and life does go own. He still thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, I'm so grateful to have him.

If you look at the statistics a lot more people have it than you realize, and it's by far not the worst thing we can have. I'm not trying to make too much light out of it, but sometimes you have to get that mind set to move on. My doctor gave me the Gardasil shot to protect me from other strains of the HPV so hopefully the situation is not complicated more! (I have the genital warts...ugh)

Take Care, and good luck!

stunned09

11/ 4/09 10:30pm

Hi Guys...thanks to everyone for sharing their stories, words of encouragement, and even your venting. I was doing "just ok", but then I got my 2nd ob yesterday. Being a health care professional, I'm always reading and researching about things. I've read that some people get outbreaks around the time of their cycle. Maybe that's what's happening to me because I "feel" like my cycle is coming. It was irregular last month and also I stopped taking birth control pills since I won't be having sex any freaking time soon...that's another post though...lol. So I can only estimate when it's coming. Now I'm wondering if I'm one of those who will have an ob right around cycle time. If so, then what do I do??? Do I take suppressive therapy? Do I wait to see if this will keep happening? It's been a little over month since the last ob and I don't care to have them at all. So, I need some advice please!

Understanding your pain

11/ 6/09 8:35am

Hi., I only found out a day ago that I have had it, It came from my partner who I am with now I had an out break about 15 years ago and didnt know what it was the doctors couldnt even predict it. My partner at the time had it and he didnt know and we recently became close again and he told me that he was diagnosied with the disease a year after we had broken up. I am upset a little but not that much as one of the comments say you have to deal with it and get on with your life, my partner and I discussed it and he told me things to do and how to monitor the out breaks and I will start keeping a journal. I understand how you feel I am a mother of four and he and I were talking about having another child with research we are still going to do it. Stay strong and you will be okay I promise. Its ok to have a life and live your life. Blessing with you

Laurie

12/30/09 8:19pm

There are millions affected every year in the United States and the people that dont care affect people evryday . Thats why good people like you are getting affected.Plus alot people dont even know they have it for years so whT CAN YOU DO. There are dating web sites for people that are affected but I quess there are over 40 different virus for herpes so I not sure if I would want to add to my condition. I quess accpting the fact I may be single but open for dates if the person has a problem with it then next. You never know they may have it to. Just dont stop living . Maybe join a church and get in a support group. I wouldnt tell alot of people because of gossip. It could be worst you could have aids or a terminal ill. I think with support from close family and faith that can help you coupe with this news.

Finding out

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