I was diagnosed with genital herpes when I was 18 years old (about 3 and a half years ago). At the time, I had just begun dating and having sex with my boyfriend of about 3 months. I was devastated. I was sexually molested by my babysitter when I was 5 years old. Coming to terms with that was hard, trying not to be permiscuous as a teen was hard b/c I had very low self esteem. I lost my virginity to my first love when I was 17. He cheated on me and dumped me for my best friend after a year and a half of dating and maybe 6 months of us having sex. So, I found comfort in the arms of a friend, who I had sex with. After that, my friend and I decided that having sex was a bad idea b/c I was just vulnerable and he felt like he took advantage, blah blah. So, when I found out I had herpes, I had had sex with 3 guys. I only told my current boyfriend that I had herpes. I never told my friend or my ex. My ex had gotten my exbestfriend pregnant and I figured she'd get tested for everything since she was pregnant. And since there is no cure, if she has it she has it and me telling her I have it too wouldn't do any good other than maybe finding out where it came from. As for my friend, he told me about 6 months after I was diagnosed that he had been tested for everyting and was clean and just felt like sharing the good news. He could have been lying. But I don't know.
So, anyway, my current boyfriend stayed with me for over 3 years. I broke it off with him a few months ago b/c I really felt like I was staying with him b/c I'm afraid I'll never find someone else. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly. But I don't think I could be with him forever, marry him, have his children. And so I had to give up having someone, being content and face the scary *** world of dating and being single.
I'm terrified. I've already messed up really badly. I met someone new after I broke up with my boyfriend. I really really liked him. And I kept telling myself that I was going to tell him that I had herpes, but only if I felt like he really liked me. Well, I had sex with him and told him the next day instead. Needless to say, he was very angry. In fact, he was so angry that he told every single person that he could that I have herpes and tried to give it to him. I take valtrex everyday and haven't had an outbreak in almost two years. My ex, who I had lots and lots of unprotected sex with never contracted herpes from me. So, I didnt try to give it to him. I did put him at risk. And I've never been so ashamed of anything in my entire life. I'm more ashamed of having done that than having herpes itself. This guy has been nothing but terrible to me since then. He wore a t-shirt that said single and disease free up to my job one day. And of course, most people aren't understanding. They hear herpes and immediately think I'm some nasty ****. Which, I'm not. I have a lot of self respect and try to be a nice girl. I don't know what the hell happened with this guy. I still can't believe that I let my want of him outweigh everything else.
