Sunday, November 04, 2007
It's been 3 years since I was diagnosed with genital herpes and still I haven't been able to let go and adjust to it. I could never understand why something like this could happened to me. I always said I'd be careful and never sleep around. And I stayed to true to that. I had only been with one guy that I thought was the one, but I quickly found out he wasn't. When I found out I felt betrayed, I was raged, out of control, and didn't know what to feel or how to handle it. My first outbreak lasted 2 weeks and the whole time he wouldn't talk or see me, he told me to quit crying about it. I didn't know how to tell my mom so I was alone until I decided to open up. My mom sat up with me through all the sleepless nights of crying, if not for her I probably wouldn't have made as far as I have. I went through a period of denial and depression and during that time I shut alot of people out, and pushed them away. It took him almost 3 years to fully apologize to me and accept what he had done to me. Even though it's been 3 years I still haven't completely accepted this. I'm hurt and I'm not fixable. I have found someone that loves me, for me and he helps me get through the hard times. But still I can't let go of the situation. I always thought that no one would ever love me or ever wanna be with me. I had a few that turned away and treated me as if I were nasty and that made me feel even worse. But I slowly learned that they were just stupid to the fact, and that they were missing out on a great girl, despite my flaws. Slowly, but surely I will get throught this. I have great people supporting me and hopefully I'll stay healthy.
