I just need to talk to someone. I feel so alone. I contracted herpes simples 1 a week ago when my boyfriend ate me out while he had a cold sore. Now I'm just beginning to feel more distant from him. He doesn't want to talk about it and I feel alone. I'm suffering. I feel discusting and not sexual attractive at all. My first out break went away three days ago, but my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me and he wants to use a condom. We've never used condoms they hurt me. And it just hurts my feelings. Its okay for him to give me this discusting disease, but its not okay for him to get it. I mean I know he didn't know he had it and I could get it from him eating me out, but it upsets me. I didn't deserve this and I know he doesn't either. But he could at least be there for me. This has changed my whole life. I was already an emotional wreck struggling with depression and now all I ever want to do is cry. I just don't want to be alone. This isn't something I ever thought I'd have to deal with. Its added strain on our relationship. I don't know how to fix it. I just wish this could go away but it won't... ever. How do I deal with this?
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have dealt with depression since I was 16, so I was like you when I found out I had HSV 2. I got severely depressed. I know it is really hard for you right now, but I promise it gets easier as time passes. First of all, I know you care about your boyfriend, and the last thing you want to do is lose him at this moment. But, if he isn't there for you during this time when it is he who caused all of this, he just isn't a good guy.
I think most people with HSV 1 on the genitals do not get many outbreaks, if any, after the first one. So, hopefully you will not have to deal with any more outbreaks. I found out I had it 2 years ago. I have been married a year to my husband who does not have herpes. I take antivirals daily to reduce viral shedding and outbreaks, and we never use condoms. He has not gotten the virus. Of course, I would recommend using condoms to prevent transmitting it, but my husband its worried about it. So, we decided not to use them.
It gets easier. I promise. It might feel like your life is over right now, but that will change. Some guys will care if you have it and some guys won't. Its harder for guys than girls to catch it. (That's fair, huh?) You can message me if you need to talk!