My new husband was diagnosed with genital herpes HSV2 a few months ago. He then 'remembered' that he had several 'outbreak's' beginning with 10 years ago. Then he said he had only had symptoms after he met me and that I was the one who gave it to him.
Since then we have been unable to get along at all. He said that he didn't know he had it and that he has been faithful. And I believe him when he says that he is faithful but how could he not have known? If he had symptoms so painful enough to go to the Dr with swelling, sores and back pain, how could he not have known he had SOMETHING? He says his outbreaks were so bad he thought he had a hernia.
I have had 3 tests and all have come back negative. That is the only reason that i'm ok at this point. If I have been infected with the virus, could it lie dormant enough that a specific test would not be able to confirm it? Even if my tests are negative, will i have an outbreak later in time?
Since then our sex life has come to a halt. I have done so much research on this virus and I know the statistics, the facts, the myths, spoken to Dr''s, therapsts, std counselors and still I can not bring myself to have unprotected sex with my husband. Especially now that we were planning to get pregnant. I dont' want to risk getting the virus at this time or anytime near me trying to get pregnant.
I have agreed to have complete protected sex with him and find alternatives to getting pregnant, but he refuses. We were wanting to get pregnant and I can't imagine what would have happened if I had contracted it while pregnant.
He says that he wont' stay married to me unless I have unprotected sex with him. He believes that i don't love him enough!!! I do love him! Our marriage is almost lost here!!! I'm feeling really cheated here, bcs i'm not the one who brought this disease into our life. I told him I would accept him like this but not put myself at risk in the first years trying to get pregnant.
He was negligent by not continuing to seek treatment or a diagnosis for his condition when he had it, which in turn put me, our future pregnancies and my health at risk.
I'm so angry, frustrated, and hurt. My marriage is falling apart and he feels so indignant, making me out to be the one who is creating this mess. I am totally devastated and he feels rejected by me.
I totally understand that we both have a right to live the kind of life we want and feel the way we do and make personal decisions including the consequences. It's just a difficult situation. This in turn has brought other issues between us to light and has amplified our previous problems.
He's basically asking me to give in and have unprotected sex with him and if I get then it's no big deal. TO HIM! It's a big deal to me to say YES to a virus that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and possibly cause harm to my future pregnancies. I can not take that take risk.
QUESTIONS, any replies are greatly appreciated!!! I'm looking for resolutions, i'm coming with an open heart. I love my husband, I hate the situation. I'm searching to make a positive out of this negative situation where we are not hurting one another.
Are there any non-infected persons who have been sexually active with thier HSV2 infected partners for more than several years? What has been your experience? How did you overcome it? Do you have un-protected sex? What protection do you use?
Any new pregnant Moms to be that were infected while pregnant...? Did you have complications? How did it affect your baby, if at all? Did you have cesearean or vaginal delivery? Post pregnancy issues, problems? Did you take anti-virals while pregnant? How did the anti-virals affect the health of your baby?