Hi, my story is very similar to yours except myhusband was told to tell his partner or spouse he was infected and inspite of outrbreaks he hid it from me for years until I was pregnant and miscarried at 4 months...only to discover it was due to Herpes...from HIM. I said nothing to him to let him know I knew and I read back through 20 years of medical history to find the 'diagnosis' of his unfaithfulness to me three years ago. . . while in the UK.  All I can say is that I believe that my exposure to herpes (and hepaitis) did cause me to have the miscarriage.  And my GYN in light of my spouses lies and denial of having herpes and hepc (even though I have the records to prove it) she has done a full specturm STD panel on me. The odds of me having atleast herpes she said is very high. . . becasue I was (unknowingly not so ) in a healthy marriage and enjoyed sex with my spouse. Good luck. I am right there with you trying to decide what to do. We have older children to for me to think about. I found a article I will paste a clip of here. It is good information on men who lie about herpes and what you have to look forward to.  I'm not syaing divorce becasue that is a very personal decision and I myself am still trying to figure this out:      Several years ago I was completely blind sighted and devastated when I was infected with genital herpes during the second year of a relationship with a physician. We had spent several months getting to know one another prior to starting a sexual relationship in which he assured me that he had no STDs. From the moment he infected me, I experienced continuous anxiety not knowing what else he was hiding from me. Trust me, no therapist can fix betrayal. The relationship ended from lack of trust. He apologized believing he could not infect a partner with asymptomatic herpes despite articles in the Journal American Medical Association and the New York Times in the early 2000s stating otherwise; he subscribed to both. In hindsight, I feel that he was too embarrassed to tell me or he didn't care (he has had multiple relationships since). Unfortunately, I have other health issues caused by herpes and still live with monthly outbreaks of 10 days even on acyclovir. It is expensive to treat even with medical insurance. I didn't pursue taking civil action for damages; nor did my partner offer amends. Like your husband, he initially tried to convince me that I had it all along without realizing it. My initial blood test (takes six weeks to show up) were negative. He also felt exonerated by saying that we were in a committed relationship so it didn't matter-- a soul mate doesn't behave this way. An infected partner has a moral responsible to disclose herpes before starting a relationship, especially if they want a relationship based on honesty and trust. If your blood tests are consistently negative, you are not infected with the virus, at least yet. Usually, your first outbreak is pretty bad-- I had meningitus and sores that took a month to heal. I couldn't urinate without squirting water in the infected areas. According to an article in the New York Times, http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/giving-your-partner-herpes/, a condom alone is roughly 30% effective. Antiviral drugs alone are roughly 49% effective. The only way to avoid herpes is to avoid sexual contact with an infected partner. Herpes comes with life- long issues and takes years to accept the consequences of living with herpes (I haven't yet). Personally, I believe both partners should discuss these issues together with a knowledgeable treating physician before having sex for best results. I also believe infected partners have to accept that it's inappropriate to tell uninfected partners that if you love me, it wouldn't matter or herpes is no big deal. Having it, I can tell you this: it is. If they loved you, they wouldn't want you to have herpes. I wouldn't have a sexual relationship with an uninfected partner. With outbreaks every month and other issues caused by herpes, I'm no longer able to have any sexual relationship (I enjoyed it very much). Fortunately, I have an adult daughter from a prior marriage and didn't have to live with this anxiety during a pregnancy. I really wish that the person who infected me had care enough about me to protect me from being infected. Gambling with someone's health via Russian roulette is not acceptable behavior. A responsible person infected with herpes, doesn't "sugar coat" it. Your feelings are totally legitimate, however, it appears that your partner may be too self centered to validate them; or he is hiding more things from you that you are currently unaware of. The herpes albeit a very serious one, is a power struggle. Where there are power struggles, there are lies.